Page 66 of Made of Steel (Made of Steel 1)

He put his hand on the inside of my thigh.

Fire. I tried to swallow the panic rising in my chest.

His hand slid up until he was absentmindedly playing with the hem of my dress.

"I'm falling for you, Sadie."

I should have immediately said I was

falling for him too. But the way he was looking at me and the sincerity in his voice just made me realize I wasn't there yet. For some reason, no matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn't say it back. I wanted to fall for him. I so badly wanted to be able to. But the truth was, I didn't think I'd ever fall in love again. I didn't think I'd ever be able to trust someone enough. Don had ruined me. No matter how many times I told myself that Eli was good and sweet, I couldn't believe it. His touch still felt like fire. It should have mattered that he was holding me while I cried. Him being there when I needed him meant a lot to me. But all I could think about were the times he wasn't there. He had left me waiting. He had left me alone.

I stared into his brown eyes and all I could see was how he'd eventually hurt me. How he'd put his hand over my mouth to stifle my screams. How he'd laugh at my pain. How he'd hold me down. How he'd break me when I was already so broken. I couldn't breathe.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it back if you're not ready," he said and gently touched the side of my face.

It burned. His fingertips were scorching. He didn't understand my silence. He'd never understand.

"I know you said you wanted to take it slow. And that was probably a little heavy so soon." He pushed his lips to the side.

It was the expression that reminded me so much of Miles. Why was I drawn more to Eli when he did that? If I wanted Miles, he was right down the hall. I could have him. Or I could have Eli. But I didn't want any of that. I didn't want someone who wanted to get to know the real me. I needed someone who wouldn't ask me questions. Someone who'd accept me the way I was. Someone who didn't care if I was broken. The vigilante.

I'm losing my mind. Or maybe I had drunk too much again. A minute ago I had thought the alcohol had calmed me down, but now my mind wouldn't stop racing. "Do you want some air? I feel like I need some air."

Eli smiled. "I'd rather stay in." His hand slid underneath the fabric of my dress.

I was being engulfed in flames. "I'm actually not feeling very well." It was the truth. I felt like I was running a temperature.

"Sadie, I consider myself a patient person, but you're driving me crazy." He leaned forward to kiss me, but I ducked out from under his arm.

If I got any closer to the flames, I'd surely burn. "I'm sorry," I said as I slid off the bed. "I need some air." I frantically searched for my flip flops.

"What's wrong? What did I do?"

I don't know. I needed to calm down. I knew how frantic I looked, but I couldn't help it. I needed to be outside. I needed the stars.

"Sadie, talk to me..."

"I just need some air." Finally, I found my flip flops under my desk. I slid my feet into them and swung the door open.

"Sadie!"

I was already walking down the hall. The flames were stealing all the oxygen from my lungs. I felt lightheaded as I began walking faster.

"Damn it, Sadie." Eli grabbed my arm and forcefully turned me to look at him.

You're hurting me.

"I don't know what you want from me. I'm doing everything I can to make you happy. And every time we hang out, you seem to push me away even more."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Let go of me.

"I don't want you to apologize. I just want you to talk to me. You can't act like this and expect me to never ask another question. I'm trying, but you have to stop pushing me away." His fingers seemed to dig into my skin.

You're hurting me. My throat was constricting. "Stop." I was surprised by my own words. But I seemed to breathe a little easier after I had said it.

"Stop what? Stop caring?" His fingers were burning me. "Is that really what you want?"

Tears pooled in my eyes, but I blinked them away. Stop hurting me.

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