Page 47 of Made of Steel (Made of Steel 1)

"You said you were going with Patrick, right?" Apparently the soccer team here was amazing. I thought that I'd be going to the first game of the season with Eli. We had even talked about making it a double date with Kins and Patrick. But I hadn't heard from Eli since yesterday morning. I hadn't mentioned Eli's sudden lack of interest in me to Kins yet. I didn't feel up to talking about it.

"Yeah. But, I almost forgot to show you." She pulled out a flier from her backpack. "Our whole floor is going together."

I didn't want to face Miles again. I didn't want him to ask if I was going to go to the support group. Part of me wanted to go. But I couldn't talk about my problems. My problems weren't supposed to exist anymore. "So are you going with Patrick or the floor?"

"Both. Patrick already agreed to sit with our floor."

I pressed my lips together. She didn't say it, but I knew what she was doing. Clearly she wanted to use Patrick to make Miles jealous. Even though I couldn't hang out with Miles, for some reason I didn't want Kins to either. Not that I was jealous. I sighed. Am I jealous? Either way, I didn't think I could stand to watch her flirt with him or later hear her casually talk about hooking up with him. No matter how small, a tiny piece of my heart would always belong to the first boy I had ever loved. I almost felt protective of him. Maybe I did want to see him again. I liked how my hand felt in his. I liked the way he offered to walk me home. I liked that he was trying to look out for me. But that was his job. It didn't mean he really cared. So why was my heart telling me that he did? Our past meant nothing because I wasn't Summer Brooks anymore.

I ran my fingers across my Band-Aid, imagining it was Miles' touch. I had dreamed of him last night. I wanted to push it aside and blame it on the fact that I missed Eli. But that wasn't it. When Miles looked at me, when he touched me, it felt different than it did with Eli. It made me feel like Summer again. And that's what was so scary. It was almost like I wanted him to know it was me. That's why I needed to avoid him. I needed to ignore my feelings.

"So you're coming, right?" Kins said.

"I'm not sure. Soccer isn't really my thing."

"Oh, come on. It's not mine either. But all those sexy players..."

I laughed. "Well, now that's tempting." I was being sarcastic, but her eyes seemed to light up. "I'm sure you're just going to be flirting with our RA the whole time anyway." I was certainly acting jealous. Just thinking about Kins flirting with Miles made me frown. I didn't want that. How could I deal with that?

Kins laughed. "No, but I will be staring at him."

"What do you mean?"

"He's the team's striker. God, I can't wait to see him in action."

I looked down at my notebook. I remembered when Miles first found out he'd be the striker for his youth league team. It felt like a lifetime ago. He had been so excited. Good for him for sticking with it. I knew it was a huge deal for someone to make the team here.

"Sadie, it's going to be so much fun. And I know you have off tonight. We can go tailgating beforehand."

"You want to sneak away and get drunk? Are you trying to get thrown out of school?"

"No, I'm trying to get the full college experience." She lightly nudged my shoulder with hers.

I tried to hide my cringe.

"So, you in?"

What else was I going to do on a Friday night? I was supposed to be blending in and everyone was going to the game tonight. Besides, I had never gotten to go to one of Miles' games. I always wished I had. "Okay, yeah, I'm in."

She beamed at me.

***

I walked slowly to my Psych class. It had been a long time since I could rely on someone. I wasn't sure why I had trusted Eli so easily. We had only known each other a few days, but for some reason he made my demons seem far away. Kins was right, though. He was too perfect. At least, too perfect for me.

When I walked into the room, I made my way to the back. If Eli was going to ignore me, I could ignore him too. Although, I knew I couldn't avoid him forever. We had a project we needed to do. Honestly, though, I could do it myself. He had come up with the idea for our project, but I seemed way more interested in it than he did. Last night I had even emailed The Night Watch blog to see if I could interview them. I wanted to know how they knew so much about the vigilante. Who knows, maybe the vigilante was writing the blog himself. Now I just had to wait and see if they'd write me back.

I sat down and stared at my Converses. I wondered what it would be like to hide behind an actual mask instead of a figurative one. I wondered what it would be like to be strong enough to beat the bad guys. I wondered what it would be like to be fearless.

"Hey, Sadie," Eli said as he sat down next to me. "I'm so sorry about last night. I had something that took longer than I thought it would."

Vague. I looked up at him. There were dark circles under his eyes.

"I should have texted you, but by the time I realized I was late, I figured you were already in bed. And an apology is always better in person." He placed a daisy down on my desk.

He bought me a flower. I couldn't not smile at that. "Where were you?" I didn't want him to know how I had waited an hour for him. It was pathetic. I didn't want him to think I was weaker than he already thought. The bruises were taking longer to heal than I hoped. I was still bound to my hoodie.

"I...um...started a new class."

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