Page 29 of Made of Steel (Made of Steel 1)

I shook my head. If anything, I was overheated in my hoodie. I turned my head toward his. "I've been hurt before." That was the truth. I couldn't go into any more details than that. He'd just have to assume whatever he was going to. But maybe that was enough. I needed him to realize that I wanted to take this slow.

"The bruise on your knee..."

"No." He couldn't know. I couldn't tell anyone. "Nothing like that," I lied. I had to force myself to make eye contact with him.

His eyebrows were lowered, like he didn't believe me at all. "Sadie..."

"I don't really want to talk about it." My hand that wasn't holding his was clenched into a fist in my pocket. "I'm trying to move on. I just...I needed you to know. That's why I said I wasn't looking to date anyone. I wasn't sure I was ready. I like you, though. A lot. But that doesn't mean I'm not just a tiny bit scared." A lot scared.

"I would never hurt you, Sadie."

And I believed him. When he looked at me like that, how could I not? My hand shook as I lifted it out of my pocket. I lightly touched the side of his face with my fingertips. Fire and ice.

His eyes stayed locked on mine as he shifted slightly closer to me.

I kept my hand on the side of his face. "I just...I want to take things slow." But I inched closer to him too.

"How slow?" His breath was warm. It made me lean even closer to him.

Surely he can hear my heart beating. "Pretty slowly."

The tip of his nose brushed against mine. "Sadie." His voice was just a whisper. "Can I kiss you?"

He was asking me if it was okay. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. He's asking me.

I tilted my face up toward his until my lips brushed against his. It was gentle. His lips were soft and slightly hesitant, like he was worried he wasn't going slowly enough. He was perfect.

He pulled away far too soon and wiped away my tears with his thumb. "Why are you crying?"

The fact that he asked just made me cry even more.

"No one's ever been this nice to me."

He wiped my tears away again. "You've been hanging out with the wrong people then."

Not by choice. "I don't actually just want to be your friend, Eli. I want this."

He laughed. "Good, because I don't want to just be friends either." He ran his hand from my cheek down to my chin and lifted my face back to his. "I want you. And we can go as slowly as you want. I'm patient."

I loved the feeling of his breath against my skin. I pressed my lips against his again. And I loved the feeling of his hand on the side of my face. I never thought I'd be able to enjoy something like this. His tongue parted my lips and I let him in. I had told him I wanted to take things slowly, but my body had a mind of its own. It was practically melting into him. He made me feel so safe and secure, yet alive at the same time. I hadn't felt this excited about anything in years.

His fingers drifted to my neck and I froze. There was the pain. There was the feeling of suffocation. He was barely touching me but I felt the panic in my chest. I put my hand on his chest and lightly pushed him off.

He immediately pulled away and dropped his hand by his side. His eyes searched mine. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong, I just..." my voice trailed off. "I want this. But that doesn't mean I'm any good at it."

"Trust me, you're good at it." His smile seemed to calm me down.

I wanted to tell him everything, yet nothing at all. "I'm worried that I don't know how to love anymore." It slipped out before I even realized what I was saying.

He slipped his hand back into mine. "I'm more than up for the challenge of teaching you how. But I really did just bring you here to look at the stars." He nodded up and I followed his gaze.

There in the sky, if I looked really hard, I could see Sagitta. I could see my constellation.

"I feel like you have a bigger heart than you might realize," he whispered into the darkness.

I let myself cry silent tears as I stared up at the stars. I hadn't felt this close to home since I was nine years old at my grandmother's house, staring up at the stars on the roof with Miles. I exhaled slowly, hoping to release the pain in my chest. I wasn't just holding on to fear and grief. For years I had been holding on to anger. I needed to let it go before there was nothing left of me.

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