Page 15 of Made of Steel (Made of Steel 1)

After several minutes of happy images, I watched the parents' boat sink into the water. It felt like it was hard to breathe. I looked up at the sky. Seeing the stars always gave me strength. They reminded me that anything was possible. But I couldn't see a single star in the sky. The city lights were too bright. It felt like my throat was constricting.

"It's weird, right?" Eli whispered. "That you can't see

the stars?"

I blinked hard, trying to keep my tears at bay. "I have to go."

"I'm sorry, I'll be quiet. I hate when people talk during movies too." He smiled.

"No, it's not that." My voice sounded strangled. "It was nice meeting you." I stood up before he could say anything else and weaved my way as quickly as possible between all the blankets filled with other freshmen.

I knew I wasn't blending in. I knew I wasn't being normal enough. Unlike the characters in Disney movies, my life didn't seem to keep going after bad things happened. It was like I was frozen in time. In pain. And I couldn't breathe in this city. How could I breathe if I couldn't see the stars?

Chapter 12

Sunday

I stood under the water until it started to get cold. And even once it had, I stood there for another few minutes.

I was grateful to Kins for not making a big deal out of me ditching her last night. Apparently she had a great time with Eli's friend, Patrick. And I was glad she had something to occupy her mind. It made her stop asking questions I didn't know how to answer.

When the water felt like ice on my skin, I finally turned it off and wrapped a towel around myself. Tomorrow was my first day of classes. I had done it more times than I could count. But my stomach was still twisted into knots. Usually I avoided talking about myself by choice. Being forced to not talk about myself seemed a lot harder. What if I let something slip? I wasn't sure I could do this.

It was tempting to call Mr. Crawford. I could just tell him that I saw someone I knew. He'd transfer me. But a new school wouldn't fix anything. I knew that.

I walked out of the shower stall and stopped at the mirror. Years ago I had transformed the Sagitta keychain into a necklace. I never went anywhere without it. It reminded me of my parents more than anything else. It reminded me of the night I lost them. I touched the arrow pendant on the center of my chest. It reminded me that they were the last people that truly thought I wasn't invisible. And for some reason, it made me feel hopeful that maybe I would be able to find myself again.

I pushed my hair behind my shoulder and stared at the bruises on my neck. It was like I could still feel his fingers. It was like I could feel my throat constricting. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. If I could survive that, I could survive this. I didn't need to find myself. I needed to recreate myself. I can do this.

I opened my eyes and moved my hair back over my neck. This was the start of my new life. I could be whoever I wanted to be. And Sadie Davis was done living in the past. I nodded at my reflection in the mirror. Summer Brooks was gone. There was nothing left of her. I nodded once more before grabbing my things and walking out of the bathroom.

This time I kept my head held high as I walked through the hallway. No one was there to witness my sudden confidence level, but I was still proud of myself.

"You just missed our RA," Kins said as soon as I stepped into our room.

"I have no idea what an RA even is, so I guess I didn't miss much."

"It stands for Resident Assistant. It's basically just a college student a few years older than us that helps us adjust, you know? Keeps us in line." She winked at me.

I laughed. "What was she like?"

"First of all, it was a he, not a she. A very dreamy he." She jumped onto her bed.

"I thought you were already in love with Patrick?"

Kins laughed. "I never said I was in love with Patrick. And just because I like him doesn't mean I'm suddenly blind to hotness."

"Fair enough." Kins really was a huge flirt. "What's the dreamy RA's name?"

"Matt, I think he said. It doesn't matter." She waved her arm dismissively. "I'm going to call him Mr. RA. That's hot right? Anyway, he was just walking around meeting everyone. He's hosting this pizza party thing tomorrow for everyone on our floor. It sounded like fun. You'll come, right?"

"Actually, I was probably going to go try to apply to some more jobs tomorrow night." I had spent most of the day applying to jobs around campus. But most of them were already full or were work-study jobs for students with financial need. I wasn't exactly sure how I was paying for college. Mr. Crawford had said it was part of the program I was in or something. I hadn't really heard all the details. Either way, it probably meant I didn't have financial need even if my bank account said otherwise. I'd have to venture out into the city tomorrow. I was way more nervous about that than my classes.

"No." She gave me an exaggerated frown. "Please come with me? I need to see his hotness again. And it's a sin that your eyes haven't experienced him yet. Please?"

I laughed. "How about you show me some cool local places that I should apply to after classes tomorrow? Then we can go to the pizza party together after?"

"Deal." She slid under her covers and hit the switch on her bedside lamp. "Goodnight, Sadie."

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