Page 54 of Festive Flings

“It's none of your business, Carl, but we really only started dating recently. Did you honestly believe something was happening between us back then?”

“I did and I didn’t. I used to say to myself you talk about Tim a lot, too. But when you would whisper his name in your sleep, I knew you had some feelings for him. You never talked about Tim in your sleep, only ‘Mr. Matthews’. You talk a lot in your sleep, Jay. I asked you once if you loved me when you were asleep, and you said no. I started seeing other women after that.”

I knew about Francesca because I had walked in on them. I didn’t know about the other women. I thought it would hurt to hear his confession, but it doesn’t. If anything, I feel relieved.

“Where is Francesca now?”

“We had a fight; she says I still love you. But how can I love you when all I really want is to hurt you, Jamie, because you didn’t love me back? I punched the door, and she ran off and told me to sort myself out, so I am here to sort this out once and for all. Do you love me?”

“No, Carl. I don’t. I’m sorry. I don’t love you. I don’t even miss you. You love Francesca; you're just having wedding nerves, that’s all. I hate that you both humiliated me, but I am happy for you. I’m glad you get to be with someone who can love you back just like you wanted. But I don’t think I have been in love with you for a long time, Carl.”

“You love him, don’t you? Owen, or Mr. Matthews, whatever you want to call him. You’re in love with him; I can tell.”

Am I? It comes as a shock. I know I have feelings for him, but I hadn’t put a name to them yet. And with him moving to New York soon, I didn’t really want to put a label to it. Owen has told me and shown me he loves me countless times, but I hadn’t been quite there.

Until now.

“Yes. I love him. God, I love him!” I am overwhelmed with the surprise of realising I love Owen. I don’t care if he must leave; it doesn’t change how I feel about him. I’m in love with him.

“Well, don’t you think you should put the poor fella out of his misery and tell him? He looked distraught at the OXO. I think he loves you too, Jamie; I think he’s loved you for a long time. I’m happy for you, too. I’m sorry about tonight, and I am sorry for how I acted and for everything. I’m going to go and make up with Francesca. I’ll see you and Owen at my wedding, I hope?”

I make a non-committal noise as I open my front door. Carl and I embrace and part, maybe not as friends but no longer enemies. My heart drops when I look out and see Owen leaning against his car.

“This isn’t what it looks like, Owen. I promise you this isn’t…” I don’t get to finish my sentence because he pushes me inside my flat.

“I know. I heard everything.” He points to his phone, and I realise my call must have connected; he has heard the whole conversation. “You love me?” he asks me sternly.

My tummy turns and my heart beats faster and faster; I have never been so scared or vulnerable. I have said these words before and not meant them or understood properly what they meant. It is only now, loving Owen and knowing how it feels, that I realise nothing else compares. Yes, I love him; I am insanely in love with him. I nod my head and look up at him to gauge his response.

“Say it, I need the words, Jamie.”

My mouth is as dry as the Sahara Desert and my tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. I take a deep breath and say the words my heart and head know. “I love you, Owen Matthews. I am so in love with you.” My eyes well up and my voice breaks, and he stands looking back at me for a small eternity.

“I love you, too. I have wanted to hear those words for the longest time. I didn’t think we’d get there, especially after tonight.” He kisses me gently, and I melt into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I want to ask you something. I feel I can ask you now that I know you feel the same way about me as I do about you. I want you to move to New York with me. Will you come with me?”

~ Billie ~

Open Mic Night is always raucous, but as we approach Christmas, I am starting to consider setting up a booking system because it’s becoming jam-packed. Dana asks me to consider opening both Friday and Saturday for Open Mic, but I tell her I will need to look at employing a manager to oversee it; I am already beginning to feel overstretched.

“What about me? I would love the opportunity to start taking Tables & Fables to the next level. I am talking about writing sessions and workshops, graphics and marketing classes, art workshops, music sessions.” Dana is really excited, and I am too.

“You’ve got some great ideas, Dana. How about in the new year we sit down and discuss this more? In the meantime, write me a business proposal.” She smiles back at me and salutes.

I go to greet Lol and Tim, who have been home to ‘freshen up’. Yes, apparently that’s what we are calling it now! Lol gives me the passage she wants me to read, and Tim asks why she won’t do it herself. “No, Tim, I’m too shy. I’m nervous enough for everyone hearing my words; I can't say them, too.” As I watch him kiss her on the head, I am thankful to him for making my friend happy; there truly is a perfect someone for everyone.

“Next time, you should read it yourself. I will get up there with you if you want. I could bring my guitar and perform, too,” Tim tells his new fiancée.

It is lovely to see Lol so happy. I hang the mistletoe over their heads, snap a couple of photos of them kissing and post it to the Tables & Fables social media account.

When I get up and read Lol’s passage, the crowd is deafeningly quiet and at the end, the applause brings the house down. Tim whispers in her ear and gives me the wink. So I introduce her to the crowd and tell them to come back at New Year for an exclusive with Lol Outloud. When Lol stands, the crowd applauds again, and afterwards, she completely runs out of paperback copies of her new book, all of which have happy owners who requested they be signed by her, too. It is just the confidence boost she needs.

I take a long weekend off, leaving Dana in charge, and on Friday I finally finish my Christmas wrapping and book in at the salon for some special grooming and treatments. I am on pins with excitement.

When the children come home, I order takeaway for us all, and we get into our matching Christmas pyjamas and watch Christmas Chronicle and The Polar Express. Then the children write their letters to Santa. As I help my little Chloe, I realise how lucky I am. I have a beautiful family, a wonderful, open-minded, handsome husband, brilliant children, a gorgeous and kind sister, a thriving business with friends and colleagues I can count on, and a chance to embrace my kink and be myself with the love of my life. Life can’t get any better.

Jonty takes the children to his parent’s house in Kensington on Saturday morning. Oscar scowls at us but once he gets there he’ll be fine. Jonty promises that he’ll take him to watch the football over the Christmas break if he behaves himself. My little Glow-worm waits excitedly by the front door with her Hello Kitty pull along suitcase. She is taking her play make-up with her to make grandma look pretty; that should be a laugh.

While they are gone, I pack for Jonty and me. The place we are staying is an exclusive hotel and spa in the grounds of a protected area of natural outstanding beauty. Jonty has rented a villa, which is detached from the main hotel and has its own private grounds. There, we also have our own exclusive hot tub and a tiki bar.

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