Page 44 of Festive Flings

~ Lauren ~

As Tim presses into me, my insides feel like they split apart. I don't mean to cry out, but it really hurts. Tim immediately stills inside me, and apart from the throbbing where the pain once was, I feel okay.

“Lauren, look at me please.” The concern in his voice brings tears to my eyes. “I’m going to stop, okay. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you.” I hold onto him. I’m scared if he moves it will hurt even more.

“Don’t. Don’t move, Tim. God, it hurts. Just stay where you are.” I hate that I have tears running down my face; I’m such a weakling.

“Lauren, please look at me. I’m sorry. I never want to hurt you. Please don’t cry.” His concern makes me want to cry all the more.

“It’ll be okay. Just don’t move,” I tell him. He chuckles a little and wipes away my tears with his thumb. I kiss his hand on the way past, and he looks at me with love and passion before kissing me softly, but it isn’t long before all that pent up arousal and desire ignites in my tummy again. The undercurrent of pain subsides, and the overwhelming need to move takes over.

“Flower, you said not to move. You are moving.” A primal moan leaves my lips as I move against Tim. There is pain but the pleasure is exquisite. This is it. I’m having sex with Tim; I am no longer a virgin. “Can I move, too?” Sweat beads Tim’s forehead, he has been so restrained and patient.

“Yes. Please. Move.” My legs start to shake as he moves slowly inside me. His groan worries me, am I hurting him, too? I touch his face so he looks at me. “Is it okay?”

His voice is harsh, but his words set my heart on fire. “It’s better than okay. You feel fucking amazing, Lauren.”

My core is filling with what feels like molten lava, and as I climb towards an eruption, I beg Tim to go faster, to go harder. We are frantic; this is not the sweet moment I thought it would be. This is carnal, primal and passionate. It is the most magnificent moment of my entire life. My control shatters as I cum. I cry out Tim’s name, and I think I scream.

Tim groans as he cums, too. His seed is hot as it pumps inside me. “Fucking hell, Lauren. Holy shit. That was… that was stunning! Are you okay, Flower? Was it good for you, too?”

He quickly holds my face in his large hands, assessing my reaction. “It was. Oh my God. It was the best.” Tears fill my eyes once again. “Thank you. You make me feel so special and sexy. You make me feel like I could fly if I wanted to.” I have never felt so alive.

“You’re incredible, Lauren; you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. That was out of this world. Thank you for letting me be the one. You are the one. I love you. Marry me?”

I stiffen below him. He is still inside me; I am still processing losing my virginity, and he is talking about getting married.

“Tim, don’t. You don’t have to do that. I’m really enjoying getting to know you. I am falling for you, and you know how special you are to me. I am looking forward to what develops between us. Let’s just enjoy tonight; let's enjoy what comes from tonight. There is no rush.”

He gives me a radiant smile. “Okay, Flower, but just so you know, I am going to marry you one day, just as soon as I’ve persuaded you of how right and perfect we are for each other. I am going to marry you in front of the whole world so they know you are mine and how much I adore you.”

My heart beats fiercely in my chest. Things are moving too fast. It's one thing to sleep with Tim, but what if I actually allow myself to fall in love with him, too? Would he really declare me as his in front of the whole wide world, or would he eventually grow to be ashamed of me like my mother? What would I do if he left me for another woman, someone slim and self-assured, someone from the world he inhabits and one I will never belong in?

After we clean up, Tim falls asleep holding me. There isn’t a part of my body he hasn’t touched; there is no part of me that he hasn’t cherished. He didn’t flinch when he saw my fat butt or squirm at the sight of my roly, poly belly. Could he truly find me sexy and desirable? The burning question is how can he say he loves me when I can’t even love me? What could he possibly see in someone like me?

I fret until the small hours and eventually get up and make myself a hot chocolate to drink while I stare out the window at the city I now call my home. I have waited so long to find someone like Tim. I waited so long that I gave up on such a man existing. Now I have the man of my dreams giving me everything my battered heart has ever desired, and I’m frightened. I am so scared because what will I do if one day he wakes up and realises he wants more or better?

My mother’s words of criticism about my weight and appearance echo around in my mind. If my own mother can think and say those things about me, why would some random man see me any differently?

I weep silently into my hot chocolate as fear takes hold. I don't notice when Tim comes in, not until he kneels in front of me and holds my face in his hands. His touch is featherlight and yet calming and reassuring.

“Lauren, sweetheart, why are you crying? Are you sore? Tell me how I can make it better.” All I can manage is a shake of my head. His eyes are wide with concern and panic. “Are you regretting what we did? Is that it?”

“No. I don’t regret it. I don’t know why I’m crying, but I feel so scared,” I admit with a sob. He’s going to think I am so pathetic now.

“Come back to bed, and we can talk.” Although he is still sleepy, he is full of calm reassurance and compassion.

I pathetically stand and take hold of his hand. The rush of affection I have for him nearly knocks me to my knees.

“I’m falling for you, too, and I am frightened, insecure and feeling kind of vulnerable right now.”

He kisses my head then pushes me to sit on the bed while he removes my slippers and climbs in beside me.

“All this is new to you. You gave away something very precious last night, and that’s bound to make you feel vulnerable. I feel scared, too. Scared you’ll end things, scared my heart will get broken and scared that I’ll never feel as alive as I do when I am with you.”

I stare at him in disbelief as he explains all this to me. “How can you feel all of these things, Tim? Why haven’t you run away?”

His smile is just the sweetest I have ever seen. “Because, Flower, I am in love with you, and I will do anything to show you. I will remind you every day if I have to. This sort of thing doesn’t just happen. We are so lucky to have found one another in the sea of people milling around us. I feel I am the luckiest man alive right now. I don’t give a fuck about the rest of the world. All that matters is us. All that matters to me is you. You’re all I want, Lauren; all I could ever want and need in life.”

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