Page 33 of Festive Flings

I carry her back to the bed, and she yawns as I lay her down. “Don’t leave me, Owen. Stay here with me and hold me.”

The thing is, I don’t know if she means just for tonight or for always. I want to stay with her forever and never leave. There is no going back for me. I knew I loved her, but until this moment I didn’t realise just how much she meant to me.

This girl is the love of my life. After discarding the condom, I lie next to her and spoon her. She cuddles into me, and before long she is fast asleep, sighing contentedly.

Sleep eludes me once again as I try to formulate a plan. A plan to not just stay in Jamie’s bed but in her heart forever.

~ Lauren ~

Today is a work at home day. I have a newsletter, a Facebook group, promotions, editing and writing to do. I also want to clean my flat and have a relaxing bath before Tim comes over tonight.

I am thankful I didn't have to wake up early this morning after Open Mic Night. I had been texting Tim into the small hours of the morning, and so I’m glad for the opportunity to catch up on my sleep. Tim told me all about his visit with his family and that his sister has invited me for dinner next week and for Christmas, too. I cannot believe he told his family about me! I never thought I would ever be a ‘take home to meet the family’ sort of girl, but Tim seems to think I am. As he spoke with love about his sister and her family, I couldn't help but be in awe. He can expect no such fanfare from my family, not when my mother will just use the opportunity to bring me down.

Tonight, we plan on watching White Christmas. I had mentioned to Tim that every year my granny used to insist on us all watching it together when I was growing up, and it choked me up a bit.

I am going to make chicken curry in my slow cooker. I bought cranberry and white chocolate shortbread from Tables & Fables for dessert, and I will light Christmas scented candles all around my place. It’s going to be warm and cosy.

As we settle down with our meal and movie, Tim shocks me by saying, “I think this is a good way to pay tribute to your granny. Who knows, maybe we can make it a tradition and watch it every year.” He is being open and hopefully honest with me, and I feel he deserves the same back from me.

“Do you see us together next year, Tim?” He smiles in reply and kisses my head before taking a deep breath.

“I sincerely hope so, Lauren. I want to be, and if you want the same, then I can see a long and happy future ahead of us. What do you see?”

I hang my head. Do I answer a half truth or be completely honest with him? I think for us to work and for me to hopefully get what I want, I have to be honest. Are all my secrets safe with Tim? There is only one way to find out. “I sometimes see us together. But sometimes I see you running off with someone thin and better looking. Sometimes I can’t see a future with someone like you wanting to be with someone like me. I think at some point you might wake up and realise that you want and deserve better.”

There is hurt in his eyes when he looks back up at me. “Do you really think I’m that stupid and shallow? I just want to make something clear here, I fancy you. I think you are sexy, and the only person who doesn’t like what and who you are… is you, Lauren. I think you are beautiful, all of you. In every single way. I wish you could believe that.”

“I want to believe that. I’m starting to believe it, but it’s scary. I’ve never done this before, Tim.” He wraps a comforting arm around me. “I am so scared of being hurt, but I can’t seem to stay away from you. I’m like a moth to the flame. It’s so scary.” He gives me another smile.

“We can just carry on at your pace, but, Flower, I need you to know this. I want you. I want you to meet my family. I want to spend the holidays with you. I want to get matching onesies and a little dog and decorate the Christmas tree together. I want to eventually get married, and have children and maybe move out into the countryside with you. So I will wait, and if you want these things too, I am here.”

“I do want those things… and I want them with you. How do I know I will be enough in the future?” I feel like my heart melts under his gaze.

“Because you are already enough. You don’t have to perform or be anything other than who you are, Lauren. And as long as we stay true to ourselves, and we don’t get personality transplants, I don’t see any reason why that would ever change. I’m falling in love with you. And I want to be with you, only you, for you.” He finishes by kissing my hands.

I can’t believe he is falling in love with me. I’m falling in love with him, too. This could be something incredibly special if I let down my walls. But first I have to tell him. I have to tell him the extent of my experience.

“I’m falling for you, too, Tim. And the thing is, I think I might be ready to take things further. But I am… that is I have… I don’t really have much erm… What I am trying to say is that I have no… no… erm. Oh God, I suck at this.” His face goes from open and smiling to confused to a full-on grimace.

“Geez, Lauren, for a writer you are making a right mess of this. Tell me what it is you think I need to know.” He makes me laugh with his assessment of my speech; he’s completely right of course.

“I’m not very experienced is what I meant to say, Tim. And when I say ‘not very’ I mean not any, really.” I look at him and await his reaction.

“Do you mean in relationships or are you talking about sex?” he asks, his voice level. He is showing no outward reaction. I tell him I mean both. “Are you telling me you are still a virgin, Lauren?” My crimson is on fire. I feel so embarrassed. But now that I’ve told him I may as well wait to see his reaction.

“Yes. I’m still a virgin. I am a twenty-five-year-old virgin.” I wait for the laughter that doesn’t come.

“And why is that? I’m guessing you’ve had the opportunity? So, I therefore presume this has been through choice.” He isn’t laughing or running away, and I’m caught off guard by this.

“I just have never met someone who I felt comfortable enough sharing that with or who I fancied and respected and admired. Until now.” Oh God, I feel like a schoolgirl telling him I like him.

“So, it wasn’t about religion or saving yourself for someone in particular?” I shake my head, and I feel lighter for sharing this with him. A warm glow starts in my tummy, happiness mixed with desire.

“Thank you for sharing all this with me, Lauren. I think it's amazing. I think you are amazing. Just so you know, there is absolutely no pressure from me. I will wait for as long as it takes. Well I’ll rephrase that. I would like a couple of children, but you’ve got a good decade before I nag you for them.”

I smile at him. He is just taking all this in stride. “Well, that’s the thing, Tim. I think I am ready to take things slowly forward. You’re the person I trust and fancy. You’re the person that will understand and help me. You’re the one I have been waiting for.”

His face lights up; he looks like a little boy at Christmas. “I don’t know what I ever did to land a beauty like you, Lauren. I swear to God, I will spend my lifetime wondering how I ever got so lucky.”

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