Page 41 of Between the Flames

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

Three days later, there was a featherlight knock on my door. It was the middle of the day and I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I finished the page I was reading before placing my bookmark inside and setting the book down on the couch. Unlatching the deadbolt of the door, I opened it slightly, peering through the security screen. The sunlight was blinding, but I could make out the silhouette of the man who I had so desperately tried to push out of my mind over and over again.

“Ryder?” I called, opening the screen and stepping out onto my small porch. His back was to me, already walking away from my house, but he stopped when he heard my voice. “What are you doing here?”

He turned, eyes sweeping over me.

A wave of embarrassment and nerves hit me like a wrecking ball. I was standing before him in an oversized tee shirt, my most worn-out pair of ‘mom jeans’, and hair tossed carelessly into a messy bun—yet his eyes flared with desire. My stomach flip-flopped, his look alone undoing me from the inside out.

Raising an eyebrow, I cocked my head, attempting to come off as calm, cool, and collected while I waited for his response. Striding toward me slowly, he closed the distance between us. He was staring me down like a lion stalking his prey, but stiffened when his gaze landed on the bruise on my forehead.

“Who did that to you?” he growled, his eyes darkening.

I brought my fingers to my forehead, flinching at my own touch. Ryder’s hand lifted to cover mine, his rough fingertips trailing over the bump, sending a jolt of electricity through my body. I stepped back, needing the distance. “I did. I hit my head.”

He searched my eyes, seeking out the lie. I stared back at him with ferocity, not backing down.

“Why did you leave me that rose, Ryder?”

He looked at the ground, his fingers raking through his hair. I learned years ago that this was his tell. Ryder was nervous. I guess we had that in common. “Look Elle, things aren’t how you think they are.”

“No, Ryder, they’re exactly what I think. You’re marri—”

“No, Elle. I’m not. Lily and I are legally separated. The divorce will be finalized whenever the courts finish up the paperwork. It’s done. We’re done.”

My eyebrows pinched in thought. “Why? When?”

“It’s been over for a long time now. We started the process before I even saw you at the reunion,” he explained, taking a step toward me again. “Look, can I just come inside? We can talk. I’ll explain everything. Answer every question that you have.”

My body betrayed me as I felt my head nodding. Spinning on my heel, I began walking back toward my studio, holding the door open so Ryder could walk through. Once inside, he sank into the cushions on my sectional couch, his arm draping across the back. I sat opposite of him, the feeling of déjà vu setting in. “Why?” I repeated myself, bracing for the impact of his words.

“Because I’ve been lying to myself for the last ten years, and it’s fucking exhausting.”

I was fighting the war between the angel and the devil on my shoulders, each sending rapid-fire questions through my mind. “Lying to yourself about what?”

“About not wanting you,” he responded simply, as if it were the easiest thing in the world to tell me this. “I wanted you then, and I want you now.” His fingers drummed on the back of the couch as he watched me, waiting for a reaction or a response.

I swallowed hard, choosing my next words carefully. “You left her… for me? You left your family for me?” I was asking a question I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted the answer to. It couldn’t be true, because if it was, it solidified all of my fears; I was a home wrecker. I never asked to be a home wrecker.

“No. I left our marriage for me. But I will never leave my family. Lily and Jordan will always be a priority in my life.”

I exhaled, watching as Ryder looked into the distance across my small studio. Painted across his face was truth, confliction, pain, and vulnerability. He was telling me the truth, and I could feel myself starting to cry. The raw emotion that was radiating off of him was stifling all of my senses.

“The last ten years with Lily were comfortable. Beautiful. They were happy, Elle. We raised our son, all three of us growing up together. We were children who were forced to become adults, and we only survived because we had each other to lean on. I don’t regret the choice that I made, but there was never a day that went by where a part of me didn’t still feel empty. I think I always knew what that emptiness was, but I forced myself not to let myself go there. Then I was forced to admit it to myself when I saw you at the pub a couple of months ago.”

My hand flew to my mouth. “You saw me at the pub? When?”

“Yeah,” Ryder said, chuckling softly. “I fucking saw you and I panicked. I ran out of there like a little fucking girl. You were with some guy. I didn’t know who then, but it was Noah.”

I giggled, a vision of Ryder hightailing it out of the restaurant vivid in my mind. “You could have said…” My voice trailed off as I stopped myself from finishing the thought, instead looking down and picking at an invisible piece of lint.

He couldn’t have said hi, and we both knew it.

Ryder grunted knowingly, and I could feel him staring at me again. Watching. Judging my reaction to all he was saying. I felt him move closer to me, our bodies now just inches apart.

“Are you with him?” he asked, repeating the question he had asked me at the reunion. I lifted my eyes to meet his, taking a deep breath.

“No,” I said firmly. “Not since you—”

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