Page 35 of Between the Flames

When I stopped in front of her, our bodies so close that we were practically touching, yet the space between us still felt like miles. All I wanted was to pull her close, pin her to the wall, and kiss her until her breath became mine. But I couldn’t, not yet.

“Ryder…”

A current of electricity seemed to flow through my veins and my heart suddenly felt like it weighed ten thousand pounds. “Do you feel that?” I asked.

She shivered, nodding once.

I watched as the goosebumps pebbled her skin and her nipples hardened beneath the silk of her dress. Licking my lips, I shifted my arm to lean against the wall above her head, my hips pushing forward and pinning her in place. Dipping my head, I leaned closer to her ear. “What if things had been different, Elle?”

I nuzzled my nose against her ear and could feel myself hardening against her. Her hot breath lightly panted against my neck. This woman was making me crazy, and I had been in her presence for five minutes. I was losing my control, and the unknown was eating me alive. I had to know if I could make her mine.

“Are you with him?” I demanded.

Moments ticked by, but I made no move to lift my head or shift my body away from hers as I awaited her answer; an answer she confirmed with every passing second. She shifted her face, our lips barely a breath apart.

“I…” she started, but stopped, turning her head away. I watched as her eyes snapped shut and her chest rose and fell in heavy breaths.

“Tell me to walk away,” I growled. “Tell me it’s been too long, that we can never be anything.”

Her eyes snapped back to mine; a flash of anger danced across her beautiful face. She used the wall to push away, slipping under my arm to put distance between us. My eyes stayed pinned on her and I fought the empty feeling that washed through me.

“You were the one who said we could never be anything, Ryder. Ten years ago. I distinctly remember you coming to me, telling me that you were going to do the right thing and that this,” she gestured between us, “could never be anything!”

“Things have changed Elle, Lily and I — ”

“No.”

My lips slammed closed, understanding that in that moment nothing I could say would make her give me a chance right then. She thought Lily, and I were still happily married. She stared at me for a minute more, silently fuming, before walking back into the banquet hall, the door swinging shut without her sparing me a second glance.

A heavy silence filled the hallway and I couldn’t decide if coming to this damn reunion was a huge mistake or my opportunity for another chance with the one that got away. It seemed like I had just fucked up my second chance. Dammit. I tugged at my hair, anger coursing through my veins as my chest heaved. I pulled my keys from the pocket of my jacket and headed out of the building toward my truck. Climbing into the cab, I shoved the key into the ignition and listened to the engine roar to life. I didn’t bother waiting for it to warm up before peeling out of the parking lot. All I wanted was to get home to my crappy condo and figure out how I was going to deal with this. Nothing sounded better than my bed right now—I just wished I wasn’t going home to it alone.

* * *

A few daystrickled by after the reunion and I found myself on autopilot, but it was my day with Jordan and I was determined to snap out of it and be present for him, at least for a few hours. It shocked me how quickly Lily had put things into motion after our discussion. Suddenly, it was clear how long she had been thinking about us separating; a fact that really should have bothered me more, but didn’t. Not wanting to uproot Jordan or Lily, I had opted to sign a short-term lease at a condo owned by one of my clients. It was a shoebox, 2-bedroom, 2-bath with a crappy view of nothing, but it would be fine for me, and for Jordan when he was with me on my days.

Lily and I had agreed that to start, I would see him every Wednesday after school and have him every other weekend. We also agreed on an open-door policy where I could stop by whenever I wanted, pending a phone call first, and vice versa. We wanted to make this as smooth of a transition for Jordan as possible, and being that this was something Lily and I had both agreed on, I really hoped there wouldn’t be a point where things turned ugly.

It was the Wednesday after the reunion and Jordan and I sat on a bench at the park, eating ice cream and catching up about our days. He was telling me a story about some kid at school getting hit in the face with the playground ball and how everyone was laughing at him, but he had helped him up from the ground and told the other kids to piss off. I smirked at his storytelling abilities, so adamant about how everything went down and so open to tell me all about it. He was about to turn ten and yet we still had a very open line of communication and a strong bond, despite the preteen attitude that was rapidly approaching. I observed him, studying his features and appreciating how much of myself and Lily I could see in him. He had my green eyes and Lily’s nose, the dirty blond hair color that I had as a child, but Lily’s soft curls, and a combination of both of our smiles. I reached over and ruffled his hair, which I knew he despised. He was getting too cool for that now.

“All right Jordan, finish up your ice cream and let’s go shoot some hoops before I have to take you back to Mom’s.” My ice cream was gone, and the sun was starting to slowly set, casting shades of orange and pink into the sky. We only had a little more time left together before he needed to get back home so he could get ready for school tomorrow.

He side-eyed me at the mention of ‘Mom’s’, scooping a huge spoonful of his ice cream and shoving it into his mouth. I expected him to say something, to ask questions, but instead he just hopped off the bench and went to toss his half-eaten ice cream into the trash.

“C’mon, Dad!” he yelled over his shoulder before running off toward the courts. I followed behind him lazily, pulling my phone out of my pocket and scrolling through my Facebook messages. My thumb hovered over Elle’s name as I toyed with the idea of sending her a message. It had only been a few days since the reunion and I had been thinking about her nonstop. Elle had no idea that Lily and I had separated—she hadn’t given me the chance to explain and it was eating me alive. The desire to talk to her was killing me.

I clicked her name, and our message exchange appeared on the screen. I stared at it for a minute before pressing the side button to darken the screen and pocketed my phone. Maybe I would find my balls later.

Stopping in front of Jordan, I slapped the ball out of his hand and dribbled it a few times before switching hands.

“Ready to get slaughtered, kid?” I laughed as he lunged for the ball. He was quick, but I was quicker, juking him and shooting my shot.

“In your dreams, Dad,” he answered, just before the ball whooshed through the hoop.

* * *

Lily metus on the porch when I dropped Jordan off and ruffled his hair as he passed by her. He shot her a look of disgust before running up the stairs.

“Bye, Dad!” he called, as he made a beeline to his room.

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