Page 15 of Between the Flames

CHAPTEREIGHT

As I threw my head back with admiration over the sea of graduation caps being tossed, I couldn’t stop the exhale of breath that escaped my lips and the smile that grew across my face. Graduation was here, and I was ready to put this school behind me and start my life. Really, I couldn’t wait to get away from the people and drama that this school held within its walls—I was ready to run and to run fast. I looked to my left and saw the smiling faces of the people I was closest to. Next to me, Noah had his fist stretched out into the air, excitement written all over him as a bead of sweat dripped from his hairline down his cheek. In the row in front of me, Lily’s swollen pregnant belly stretched far in front of her open graduation gown, a genuine smile across her face—the first I had seen in a while.

The last few months had been a whirlwind. It came out a couple of months after I overheard Noah and Lily in the hall; her telling him she had gotten pregnant by Ryder, without actually telling him.

She had made the decision to keep the baby, and Ryder proposed to her during spring break. With only three months left of school, Ryder had been putting any extra time he had into working construction and saving up for when the baby was born. Although the pregnancy was a shock to everyone, what really shook me was their engagement. That sort of commitment was a nail in the coffin for any hope my traitorous heart had carried.

I think it had broken Noah’s heart, too.

We never spoke of it, but for the next several weeks, neither of us had been in the right headspace.

As we rapidly approached the end of the school year, it became time to buckle down, study for our finals, and put more focus on the future. Soon, Noah would be off to San Francisco State and I was headed south to UCLA. I knew in my heart that Noah and I would always be friends, but I was ready for the fresh start I so desperately craved my entire life. It was time for me to get in my car and drive. Just one more week.

First, I needed to make it through tonight’s graduation party.

“We did it, Elle! We’re finally done with this place!” Noah said, engulfing me in a bear hug and spinning me around. When he sat me down, I laced my arm through his and tilted my head to lie on his arm, taking in the scene around us as graduates posed with happy family members for pictures, accepted bouquets of flowers, and took selfies with friends. The bleachers started to clear out, and I spotted our families waiting for us. Smiling, I gave his arm a tug and led him down to where they were, their arms filled with flowers and signs.

The sun was setting and our families made plans to go out for a celebratory dinner.

“What are my two favorite graduates in the mood for?” Noah’s mom, Robin, asked.

As if on cue, my stomach growled loudly and everyone laughed at the timing. We agreed to meet at Maria’s Pizza and went our separate ways: Noah’s parents and my mom toward the main parking lot and me and Noah toward the student lot.

“I’m so relieved I could cry, No! We’re finally done—out of this place!”

“Thank fuck! I can’t wait to get wasted tonight and never see these assholes again.”

“Okay, drama king, you know you will be at every single party until you move to San Fran, so don’t act like you won’t ever see anyone again.” My cheeks hurt from the smile that had taken root on my face.

“Well, I wouldn’t have to agree to go to so many parties to keep busy if someone hadn’t decided to move the first chance she got. What else am I supposed to do for half the summer now that you’re up and moving so soon?” There was a bit of an edge to his tone; he was still mad about my early departure from Shadow Hills.

There was no use arguing about this for the thousandth time, so I just gave him my ‘I’m not even going to respond to that’ look and opened my car door. Noah took the hint and followed, climbing into my car. I took a minute to hook my phone to the car audio and put on one of my many playlists: Random Rap. As the beginning notes to “No Diggity” came through the speakers, I turned up the volume as high as I could without blowing them out, and threw my car into reverse. Rolling the windows down, I took a sharp left out of the parking lot, succumbing to the feeling of the vibration of the bass, the sound of squealing tires, and the feeling of the wind harshly blowing in my hair. It was the promise of freedom and fun. I felt giddy as I glanced over at Noah, finding him watching me with a huge smile.

“What?” I yelled over the noise.

“Oh nothing Elle, just engraving this moment into my memory.”

I grinned back at my best friend and started rapping the lyrics.

Within five minutes, we pulled into the parking lot of Maria’s Pizza, and I pulled into a spot near the back. I was mindful of turning the volume down and rolling up the windows before I climbed out of my car, removing my graduation gown, and tossing it into the back seat before shutting the door. Our families waited for us at the entrance and let us walk in first. As we crossed the threshold of the restaurant, the staff of Maria’s starting hooting and clapping for us, along with the other patrons who were enjoying their meals. My cheeks flamed with embarrassment—this town was entirely too small. I awkwardly adjusted my glasses and followed the hostess to a huge booth in the corner. Mindless chit chat ensued until our pizzas and salads were served and we dug in, eating quietly as the hunger took over.

Once the checks had been paid and the goodbyes had been said, Noah leaned over, kissed me on the cheek and told me to go get ready for our graduation party; he would be picking me up in about an hour.

As I drove home, my thoughts drifted to Ryder and the look on his face when he threw his graduation cap into the air; his mask had slipped and I could see the sorrow he was feeling written all over him like words on a page of my favorite book. Engaged and about to be a father at eighteen was a lot to take in, but he was handling it better than some grown men would. My heart weighed heavy knowing that I would never have the chance to explore my feelings with him, but I understood why.

When the pregnancy rumors circulated around social media and a wildfire of text messages, I refused to believe them, insisting that the rumors were just rumors. I stayed strong for Lily, denying and brushing them off, and having her back with the internet trolls. I was certain that she would have told me if she was, and confident that her silence was confirmation that there was no truth to the subject. When we returned to school after the new year, Lily never brought it up, and I never asked.

Within a couple of weeks, I started noticing her style change from trendy tight clothes to those that were looser fitting. I remember the feeling of my stomach sinking with the realization that there might actually be truth to the rumors. Gathering my courage one afternoon, I cornered her outside of the empty computer lab and bluntly asked her if she was pregnant.

With her head hung down, she nodded. Yes.

Instantly, the sadness that surrounded her flooded into me too, and I felt the discontent that she held for herself in that moment. There was nothing I could say to make those feelings lessen, so I did what any decent friend would do and pulled her into a hug. I held her tightly, rubbing my hand up and down her back in a way that I hoped would bring her some comfort. I hoped that my touch would somehow convey the words that I couldn’t get out—that I would always be there for her, that I loved her, and that it would be okay.

It was in that hug that I felt the firmness of her stomach as she held me tightly back. It was also in that hug that I felt my heart shatter for her, Ryder, and also for myself.

Ryder could never be mine.

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