Page 79 of Pretend Girl (The Lucky Girls 4)

“I don’t want to lose her,” I admit to Emma.

“That’s a good start. You’ve never felt this way about someone.”

“Yeah. I need some kind of grand gesture to show her how I feel. So that she can understand I want her around, even if I don’t know how to find the words to tell her that.” I’m not good with words. But a grand gesture will let her know exactly how I feel. “What if I propose?”

Emma’s jaw drops. “What?”

“You know, with a ring. If she knows I want her around, then maybe she’ll understand how serious I am about her.”

“Are youthatserious about her?” Emma looks shocked.

“Yeah. She’s not like other people, Em. She gets me. And she’s not scared of me. And even though I’m terrified of what I might do… I think I could do this. With her.”

Emma narrows her eyes at me. “You want topropose.”

“You keep acting like it’s weird.”

“Well, yeah. I didn’t realize… are you that serious about her? We’re talking marriage, Blake. You can’t keep her at arm’s length the way you do with everyone else. And everything in your past will be there, then, ready for her to figure out and explore. Can you face that?”

I think about my mom and how closed off she was, how she pushed me away. I hated it. But that’s what I keep doing to everyone, too. And I don’t want to do that to Rachel anymore. I want her in my life.

“I don’t know if I can face it,” I admit. “But I know that I don’t want to do this without her.”

Emma shakes her head.

“What?”

“I didn’t know you were that serious about her. I didn’t know you were that serious about anything.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well… you always play it safe. Safer than safe. You’re so careful; you don’t let anyone or anything in too close in case you get hurt. Or you do the hurting… God, I don’t know anymore. I just don’t know if getting engaged is a good idea. I think you’re looking for trouble.”

I stare at Emma. “I thought you would be on my side.”

“I thought you would be realistic.”

“You’re the one who kept telling me to go for it!”

“Yeah, because you’re so detached from the rest of the world, I thought it would be a good thing to open up a little and see life through different colored lenses for a change. But marriage? You’ve barely known this woman for a month! She’s an employee.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“That’s how you keep people in your life. And that’s how you get rid of them. It’s all about contracts. But marriage isn’t like that. You can’t just decide to get out if it doesn’t work for you anymore. Being your wife won’t be like doing a job for you, and—”

“I know what marriage is, Emma,” I say flatly. “Why is this such a big thing all of a sudden? I thought you’d be happy that I’m crawling out of my shell. Isn’t that what you keep asking me to do?”

Emma angrily starts packing her things. “You’re not crawling out of your shell; you’re diving straight from a dark warm cave off a cliff without knowing what’s at the bottom. Talk about extremes.”

I shake my head. “I don’t have to listen to you.”

Emma gasps, shocked at my words.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, you can’t tell me what to do.”

“You’re right. I mean, why the hell am I here?” Emma snaps. “It’s not like I’m your best friend—youronlyfriend.” She glares at me, and anger ignites within me. One moment, it’s just a niggle, an itch in my chest I can’t scratch. The next, it’s hot and boiling under my skin. The anger has become a monster in me, clawing at my insides to get out. I clench my hands into fists.

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