Page 157 of Stolen Fate
“Will I get to come here?” I asked, choking on my words a bit. I felt like there was this huge lump in my throat the size of a baseball and I didn’t know how to make it go away. I moved my hands up to my neck, wrapping around it carefully.
Jace watched the movement. “What do you mean?”
“Will I get to watch him grow up?”
“Of course, you will!” he said vehemently. We both turned when Elliot made a small noise from the bed, but he didn’t wake. “Do you really think I would keep him from you? Do you really think I’m that cruel?”
“Well, you did keep this from me this long. I don’t think I even know you anymore,” I said without thinking, and Jace flinched.
I instantly felt guilty. I didn’t mean it. I was just feeling raw, and my words were designed to hurt him. Apparently, I did a really good job of it, because I could see him shutting down in front of me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, cupping his cheek and bringing his blue eyes back to me. They were wet and red, and I knew my own heartbreak was reflected there. God, when did things get so messed up?
Were we beyond saving?
I didn’t want us to break.
“I’m sorry,” I said again. “I wanted to hurt you, but I didn’t mean it. You’re not cruel, Jace.”
He turned his head to the side and kissed the inside of my palm. We didn’t say anything as we stared at each other for a moment. I broke it first.
“I just didn’t want to entertain the thought that I might not get to see Elliot again after this.”
“I would never keep him from you.”
“I know.”
My hands went to my belly, where he had lain safe and sound for close to nine months. Where the scar was. It was the scar I always wore with pride, something I always thought of as beautiful, because it was the very thing that had saved his life, and I could never find something like that ugly.
I didn’t hate my scar, though I had a hard time looking at it in the years after he was born.
“There were so many complications during his birth. The doctor had to perform an emergency C-section a few hours after I was admitted to the hospital, and when they finally got him out, he wasn’t crying,” I said, and I could see the horror in Jace's eyes. He hadn’t been there, and after Elijah, I knew Jace felt even more protective of Elliot than normal.
I looked down, hating all the feelings that memory was bringing back to me. Jace wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me closer. “Hey. He’s okay, alright? He’s healthy and he’s happy, so stop thinking about the impossible.”
I smiled a bit at that. Jace could always read me so well. “I know. It’s just hard. I loved him the moment I felt him inside of me. For nine months I carried him, he was safe and protected, and then the moment he came out, he was in danger, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Right away, I knew something was wrong. The doctors and nurses took him away before I even got the chance to hold him. Later, I was told by a detached looking doctor that my baby had survived, but that he had been admitted to another hospital under the direction of Marie.”
I paused.
“And I never got the chance to hold him,” I said quietly and felt Jace’s grip on my neck tighten. I focused on that to help keep me grounded.
I never thought… never even dreamed about the possibility of seeing my son again. And now he was here and…
I didn’t know where it left us. Was there just too much shit between us to repair?
“Which hospital did you give birth in?” Jace asked, quietly, deadly.
I stilled on his lap. “Why?”
“Because I’m going to find the son of bitch who took Elliot away from you and fucking destroy him.”
I shook my head. “It’s not his fault. I agreed to this, remember? I knew what the score was, and I still agreed. It was no one’s fault but my own.”
“No, don’t ever apologize for bringing Elliot into this world. I’m not sorry about this. Never about this. Though I wished I had found you sooner. And agreement or not, that doctor should have treated you with more humanity, more compassion.”
“I received the best possible care at that hospital.”
“But you didn’t get the compassion you deserved. After getting out of surgery, I can’t imagine what it did to you to know they took Elliot away before you could even say goodbye.”
