“You were hanging out with Olivia at her house. Grace was still around, and I came by to check up on her and found you there. I didn’t know why I had been feeling so uncomfortable around you lately, but I was, and when I realized you were there, I wanted to run back to my car and drive as fast and as far away as possible. I didn’t. I stayed for dinner. And then Olivia said something that made you laugh. I didn’t know what was said. All I knew was you threw your head back and laughed with gusto, and I realized I had never seen anyone laugh with so much life before. I was completely and utterly enthralled by you then. And I had felt like a fucking monster.”
“Is that why you started to pull away from me?”
I nodded.
Her eyes looked sad then, and I hated being the person to put that there. “I didn’t know. But I remember being sad. For a while, I even thought you hated me.”
“Fuck, baby. How could I ever hate you?”
I didn’t think she’d understand. She could tear me to shreds, and I’d still love her.
“I didn’t think that way for very long,” she said.
“I didn’t love you then. But I could feel myself falling, and that terrified me more than anything else in this world. It was a little after your eighteenth birthday when I decided I didn’t want to let you go.”
Her brows pulled together in a slight frown. “What do you mean? You never said anything. I didn’t even know you had feelings for me until you kissed me on my wedding day.”
I smiled a little at that, and even I could tell it was a sad smile. She grabbed my hand and I focused on her touch, letting this anchor me. “I wanted to give you the chance to grow up a bit. I was selfish with you, but I couldn’t bring myself to be even more selfish and destroy your childhood.”
“My childhood? I was eighteen. Hardly a child anymore.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t see it that way.”
“If that was the case, then how did you feel about Mason and Olivia getting together when she was eighteen?”
“Honestly? I was enraged.”
She nodded. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh. But that’s not the point of why I am telling you this.”
“Then why are you telling me this?” she asked quietly.
“To let you know that had I been in your position, had I married someone else, I wouldn’t have forgotten about you either. Stop being so hard on yourself. Perhaps Mason was right. Perhaps I had kept too great of a distance between us. I let you slip away and marry another man.”
She smiled a little at that. “You love me?”
My breath caught, then I nodded. “I love you. More than I should. More than I deserve.”
She let out a small exhale before she moved forward and kissed me again. This time, I didn’t plan on stopping. I quickly took back control of the kiss, and then I stripped us both out of our clothes, and I made love to her. I held her tight. And I fucking wished I never had to let her go again.