Page 68 of The Ruthless and the Strong

Never had it felt so good with another man before. My thighs clenched from the thought, and even though it hadn’t been long since I last saw him, I missed him already. I wanted to see him.

I wanted to cling to him, but I didn’t want to come off as needy. So I gave him some space away from me, and now I was just counting down the minutes until I could see him again.

I had it bad.

“Is everything okay with you?” Olivia asked suddenly.

I startled out of my thoughts and pulled to a stop at a red light before looking over at her.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because of everything that has happened. You know, you’ve been back for a few weeks now, and I still don’t know how you’re feeling about this divorce, or what happened between you and Sam. And don’t say it was because you’re no longer compatible, because I know that’s bullshit.”

I moved forward when the light turned green and the car behind me honked. I didn’t say anything for a while.

“I…” I could see Olivia turning toward me from the corner of my eye. My cheeks heated from shame, not really knowing how to admit to Olivia all my mistakes. But she was right. I hadn’t told her much about my marriage, and even less about my divorce. And I had been feeling a little hurt when she didn’t tell me about her feelings over the news of Lorenzo’s death.

I was a hypocrite. But more than that, I was a terrible friend.

“I think I broke him, Livie,” I said softly. Suddenly it felt like there was a lump the size of a baseball stuck at the back of my throat. I swallowed a bit and blinked away the moisture that had formed in my eyes.

“Why do you say that?” she asked quietly.

“Do you think it’s possible to love someone to ruin?”

I was met with silence in the car, then she said, “I don’t know.”

“You always said I was lucky because I married a man who loved me more than I ever loved him. But I broke him. Loving me broke him.”

Olivia surprised me when she asked, “Did you ever love him?”

“What?”

I could see her shrugging. “Did you ever love him?”

“Of course I loved him,” I said, a bit more harshly than I intended. “I married him.”

“You married him because you guys were young and you were pregnant with Hunter. And I’m not looking down at you, and I’m not judging you, okay? I would never judge you for anything. You’re my friend and I love you. But I always thought you felt like you didn’t have a choice in this marriage and I wouldn’t blame you if you said you didn’t love Sam.”

I frowned at that and looked straight ahead. The navigation system told me my turn was coming up, so I slowed down a bit before taking a right turn and into a big warehouse-type building, where most of the props were being built before getting transported to the theater.

I pulled into a parking lot, parked in one of the empty spaces by the front door and put the car in park, though I didn’t turn off the ignition.

“I love Sam. A part of me will always love him, if only for the fact that he’s Hunter’s dad.”

She nodded. I didn’t look at her. I found this conversation to be easier if I didn’t look into her eyes.

“I don’t think I was ever in love with him, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“This divorce was inevitable. He would always love me too much, and I would always be unable to give him my heart.”

The worst part was, I didn’t think I was capable of giving him even a small piece of it.

“So are you sad about the divorce?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m sad. But I’m not devastated over it, you know?” I paused before adding, He knows that, too.”

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