She nodded. “Of course. Where are you going?”
“Somewhere really quick.”
I was off before she could say anything else. I moved outside to the cool Chicago air, feeling a tad disoriented as my eyes adjusted to the sun. I walked to Max’s house with a single focus, ignoring all else.
I got there just in time for him car to pull inside the garage and he got out. He looked my way when I came into his view.
“Lizzie? Is everything okay?”
“Did you ever think about me during the six years that I’d been gone?” I asked. Tears sprang to my eyes and I hated how emotional I was now.
“Lizzie,” he breathed, my name sounding too much like a prayer from his lips.
I shook my head. “I thought about you. All the fucking time. Even when I wasn’t supposed to. Even when I lay next to my husband in our marriage bed, I fucking thought about you, and it killed me, and it killed my marriage.”
He shook his head and made his move over to me. I took a step back. He paused in his steps, his eyes assessing me. I must have looked deranged for him to look like that, anda part of me didn’t even care. This question had burned inside me since the moment I stepped off the plane in Chicago.
“I was supposed to be over you by now,” I said. “I spent more than a decade loving you, and I hated myself for it. I hate you for it. I fucking wish I could just unlove you as easily as I fell out of love with Sam, but I can’t. Why can’t I get over you?”
I said the last part in a near whisper, but I was sure he heard me, even with the wind picking up, the cold biting at my back.
The tears that I had tried so hard not to let fall fell anyway, tracking down my cheeks. Max made a noise, a cross between a groan and growl, and then he was in front of me, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he pulled me in close.
“Fuck, Lizzie. Of course I thought about you. I thought about all the fucking time, even when I wasn’t supposed to.”
Then his lips slammed against mine and he kissed me.
My eyes widened from surprise over the feel of his soft lips pressed against mine. It took me two long seconds before I surrendered myself to him, softening my posture and moving in closer.
I closed my eyes and I kissed him back.
Six years of pain and heartbreak between this kiss and that very first one he gave me during my wedding, and it felt like no time had passed at all. I could almost imagine myself at twenty again, feeling his lips on mine as he devoured me, as if I was the only woman he’d ever wanted to kiss for the rest of his life.
He pulled away slightly, his hot breath fanning across my wet skin, and he said the exact same thing he said to me six years ago. “Open your lips, sweetheart. Let me in.”
I let out a soft whimper but did as he asked. I opened my mouth for him and he wasted no time in deepening the kiss. The taste of him on my lips was like nothing I had ever experienced before, save for that first time.
This was the experience I had tried so hard to recreate with Sam, and always falling short.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and I pulled him down closer to me, closing what little space there was between us. I wanted to crawl inside him and stay there forever.
He would protect me with everything in him.
He would love me and never let me experience any hurt in this world, I was sure of it, because that was exactly the kind of man Max was. When he loved, he loved ferociously. He would be my ruthless protector against everything bad in this world. And I wanted that.
I wanted that so fucking bad, I was shaking with it.
But I knew that wasn’t possible.
Not like this.
There was too much damn history between us, and just because he said he had never stopped thinking about me, didn’t mean he wanted to be with me. Didn’t mean he loved me.
Not like I loved him.
Not the way I had never stopped loving him.
I moved my hands to his chest and I pushed him away. It took three tries before he realized what I was trying to do, and he pulled away from me.