Page 186 of The Young & the Sinner

Olivia

It was past midnight,and I was still wide awake in my dark room.

I had tossed and turned all night, and I doubted I would actually fall asleep tonight.

I was going to look like a zombie tomorrow on my second day of school, no doubt about it. And it was the day with all my hard classes. My major required I take all the general business classes in order to graduate, and I had them set up for my Monday and Wednesday classes. We didn’t have school this Monday because of Martin Luther King’s Day, so Wednesday was going to be my first day for those classes.

My conversation with my dad bounced around in my head like a rubber ball.

With a frustrated groan, I pulled the covers off and sat up in bed, looking around the dark room, save for the glow-in-the-dark stars Max had insisted I take with me. I had been staring at them all night.

I’d always thought if Max hung the stars, then Mason hung the moon. Was I wrong?

“Flip a coin,” I said to the quiet room, my voice sounding strange, even to me. Was I really entertaining this? The whole thing seemed silly, yet… it might have its merits. I turned on the bedside lamp, my eyes squinting a little as I tried to get used to the intrusion of light.

Then I moved off the bed and went over to where I had thrown my purse on the floor earlier. Opening it, I dug inside until I found a quarter.

“Okay, Olivia. Just flip the coin. Heads, I go to Mason.” My heart rate sped up as I said it. “If it’s tails, I stay here.”

I looked down at the coin, and I hesitated. I wasn’t sure what for, because I just wanted the decision to be made.

Making a fist, I placed the coin on top of my thumb, and with a flick, I watched as it bound up into the air. At the very moment it was about to hit the ground, my mind screamed for one option and one option only.

There was no alternative.

I heard it drop on the carpeted floor somewhere nearby, but I didn’t bother checking. I had my answer.

Closing my eyes, I landed back on my bed with a soft thud and… I broke down.

* * *

It wasdark in my old neighborhood, save for the same streetlight that could be seen from the garden window in Max’s kitchen.

I pulled into the driveway and turned off the headlights quickly, afraid I would wake someone, though at two o’clock in the morning, that didn’t seem likely.

I shut off the engine, and leaving the warm car, I went out into the frigid cold. It had snowed a couple of days back, and now most of the driveway was covered in a thin sheet of ice.

I slowly made my way to the front door and, using my own key, unlocked it and went inside the warm house.

Everything was just the way I remembered it, and I was glad. Glad that my key still worked, glad that it still smelled the same, glad that I still felt the familiarity when I entered, and glad that some things remained the same, even if I hadn’t.

I made my way through the dark house. I didn’t need the light. Even though I hadn’t spent as much time here as I did at Max’s house, I’d spent enough to know where I was going. Who I was going to.

The stairs creaked as I made my way up, and though the creak sounded loud in the quiet house, I was sure it wouldn’t be enough to wake him.

I walked toward the closed door of the master bedroom. I made a move to open it, yet I hesitated when my hand touched the doorknob. Not because I doubted my decision, but…

I wasn’t sure why I was hesitating.

Did I fear his rejection?

Or my ability to go through with this?

I didn’t know.

But I made my decision tonight, back at my apartment, and surprisingly, it wasn’t regret about the decision that I felt, but the rightness of it. I knew this was what I needed to do.

I quietly opened the door and walked in, shutting it behind me. He didn’t even stir.

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