Page 171 of The Young & the Sinner

Olivia

Maxand I walked quietly to our house.

I tried to gauge his emotions, but his face had been closed off since the moment we left Mason’s. I didn’t know what to make of it. Max had always been a private person, but he was never closed off. Or at least, he wasn’t closed off with me.

I always knew what he was thinking or feeling. Now…

His arms tightened around me when I shivered.

When we got inside, Max led me to the kitchen. He directed me to a barstool and waited until I was seated before he turned around and made tea.

Neither of us said anything while we waited for the water to boil. I nervously tapped my fingers on the kitchen island, looking out the garden window to the cold and lifeless gray sky.

The kettle whistled, and I tensed in my seat. I looked down while Max poured water into two mugs, and only looked up when he slid one my way. I met his eyes, and the disappointment in them nearly had me jumping out of my skin.

I quickly looked down again, though I could still feel the heat of his eyes on me.

Finally, he spoke. “Why, Olivia?”

I let out a small sigh, picked up my mug and pressed it against my chest. Then I looked up at him. Though Max was angry back at Mason’s, I knew he wasn’t angry with me. And that made it worse. I wished he were.

It would be well deserved.

“Why didn’t I tell you? Or why did I do it?”

It was his turn to let out a sigh. Then he took a seat next to me. “Both, sweetheart. Answer both of those questions for me.”

“I… We planned on telling you. Soon. At the beginning, it was because everything was so new. I knew if we’d told you and you didn’t approve, Mason might not want to be with me anymore.”

Max’s jaw clenched. “If a man needs convincing to be with you, then perhaps he shouldn’t be with you in the first place.”

I shook my head. “That was my fear in the beginning, but it had nothing to do with Mason. I should tell you that he tried to fight this.”

“This?”

“Yeah. You know… our feelings.”

Max let out a sigh and rubbed his temple, like he had a headache. And I hated that I was the source of all of this stress. “Okay. Keep talking.”

“I wanted to tell you so many times. But every time I opened my mouth, the words wouldn’t come. And then I realized I was afraid to tell you.”

Max opened his mouth to speak, but I shook my head and interrupted him. “Not like that. I know you wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt me. I just… I hated the thought that I might disappoint you. That it wasn’t what you hoped for. I think a lot of it had to do with me feeling so insecure about my position in your life. Old fears came out, and I was afraid that you might not want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Oh, sweetheart. Don’t you know that’s not possible? You could kill a man and I would help you bury the body before I’d ever turn away from you.”

I smiled a little at that. “I know. And I guess a part of me always knew that. But there was nothing to stop those insecurities from coming out. So instead, I broached the subject of me moving out.”

“Why do you want to move out? Be honest with me, Olivia. You know I love having you here with me, don’t you? I wouldn’t mind if you decided to live here well into your thirties.”

“Of course, you wouldn’t. That way you could always protect me, right?”

“Damn right,” he answered seriously, and I did something I didn’t think I would be able to do when Max took me home.

I laughed.

His eyes softened, and he wrapped his arms around me. I put my mug down and buried my face in his chest.

I didn’t move away when I said, “I wanted to move out to be more independent. I wanted you to see me as someone other than the girl who was broken over the summer. I wanted you to see that I’m stronger than that and, perhaps, that would convince you that I’m strong enough to be with a man like Mason.”

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