Page 92 of The Young & the Sinner

Olivia

That night,I took a long, hot shower before going to bed. I supposed me feeling dirty again was bound to happen after I spent the evening trying to heal part of me that Lorenzo broke. I scrubbed my skin twice, and when I came out, it felt raw.

I looked in the mirror and could still see remnants of the makeup Mason had put on my left eye. Wetting a small hand towel, I scrubbed until I couldn’t see the makeup anymore.

I told Mason I would try every single day, but I wondered if it would make me feel as crappy as I felt now if I were to put on any makeup, even if it was as something simple as lipstick.

I walked out of the bathroom and put on some panties and one of Max’s t-shirts that I stole from him many years ago. Then, I sat down on the bed and continued my nightly routine, trying hard not to give into the urge for another shower.

I knew from past experience that it wouldn’t help.

Nothing would help but to just ride out this feeling.

Twisting my face moisturizer bottle closed, I put it on the nightstand and laid back down on the bed, staring at the stars on my ceiling.

And then I was off.

I moved without thinking. I didn’t even know where I was going until I found myself in front of Mason’s door.

The house was deadly quiet, and the only lights were the ones coming from both Mason’s and Max’s rooms, through the cracks. I knew both were still awake, but it was Mason I wanted. It was Mason who understood exactly what I was going through.

I knocked on his door quietly, not wanting to alert Max. It took a while before he answered. I was about to move back to my room when the door opened, and Mason was there filling the doorway.

“Is everything okay, Livie?” he asked softly. Then he was frowning. I must really look like a big mess. He ran his thumb over my cheek, wiping away the tears I didn’t even know had fallen. He looked over at my shoulder, to Max’s door, looking like there was a debate going on in his head.

After a moment of hesitation, he moved aside for me to come in. I slipped past him and into the room. Without a word from either of us, I climbed into his bed and pulled the blanket over my shoulders. Mason stayed standing where he was.

I wondered if he was going to bed soon. Then, finally, he turned off the light, bathing the room in darkness, saved for a sliver of light coming in from the window, through the small crack in the curtain.

I could see enough of him moving about in the room. Then he climbed into bed with me, under the covers. He was close enough that I felt his body heat, but far enough away that we weren’t touching.

“Was it because of the makeup? Did I push you too hard?” He sounded regretful.

I shook my head, but I wasn’t sure if he could see me or not. “No, it’s not that… Or maybe it was that. But it’s not your fault. You didn’t push too hard, and I was having a good time when we did it.”

“Then what is this about?”

“I guess me being in my room alone just brought everything to the surface. I haven’t felt his touch on my body in a long time, yet tonight, it felt like he was right there again, grabbing onto me, and no matter what I did, he wouldn’t let go.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish I could tell you that this feeling will be gone soon and you would never have to feel like this ever again, but that would be a lie.”

“Do you… do you still think about it?”

He hesitated, before answering, “I try not to. Sometimes, I succeed. Sometimes not.”

“Oh.”

I felt him move onto his side so he was facing me. And even though it was dark, I didn’t want to face him. I felt too exposed. So I turned away, with my back to him.

“Will you hold me?” I asked.

He didn’t say anything for a moment or two. He didn’t even move, and I thought he wasn’t breathing. But then, on a small inhale, he slowly wrapped his arms around my middle and pulled me in closer to him. Our legs tangled, and I was very aware of the fact that I was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and pink panties.

I wiggled a little closer to him, trying to get comfortable.

Mason grabbed my hips to still me. “You’re killing me, Olivia.”

“Oh, sorry. Did I hurt you?” I didn’t think I was moving too much, but I could have accidentally hit him and not know it.

He let out a choked laughed. “Why don’t we just go to sleep? You’re safe here with me, I promise.”

“I know,” I said on a yawn. And I did know that. There was just something about Mason…

He made me feel as safe as only Max ever did, but there was something more about him. Something I couldn’t get enough of. It was addicting.

He was addicting. I moved in a little closer to him, trying to eliminate even the smallest amount of space between our bodies, and fell into one of the best sleeps of my night.

---