Page 8 of Strongest Souls

“Because you cannot love a monster?”

She shakes her head, but it’s Joe who answers, “because as a monster you can’t love.”

5

Joe

Sitting in a cell in the castle is the wrong place to be talking about love. But now that I am mostly human, I understand what that is again.

Julie smiles at me. I don’t want to start hoping that when we climb out of here, there might be something between us, but at the same time I need that hope. Without her, I will be lost in the human world, in much the same way she was lost here.

Hope isn’t love, but she radiates something that eases the rage simmering in my blood, like it wants to turn me inside out and reveal my inner monster. That rage existed within me long before I was taken to Under, but being here gave me the opportunity to use it and revel in the destruction.

I wallowed and raged, and the more I did, the more I needed to do. Anger doesn’t heal. It only destroyed myself and those around me.

I will not be that person again. I will learn to express myself in a different way. I will not be my father. I have spent too long in his shadow hating him while becoming him, and I will not let him have the last laugh at my expense. Dead or alive, he isn’t having that power over me anymore.

While I don’t know how to keep those promises to myself, I will do my best. Because I have seen what happens when I do my worst.

Theo’s rage is different. He dreams of blood and killing, but unlike me, he doesn’t act on every impulse. He has bound himself up so tight there is no room to feel anything but blood lust. And when he does indulge, he feels bad about it. He apologized for eating a dead monster, for fuck’s sake.

We are both holding his hands carefully, so he doesn’t cut us. His dick is half hard. Is he thinking about fucking or killing, or both?

“Love takes time to grow, but what about trust and friendship? Hope?” Julie studies Theo. What does she see when she looks at him? Does she take in his monster mouth, or focus on his eyes?

What did she find appealing in me that she could look at me while I fucked her?

“What about something simpler?” I suggest. “You know the feel of blood lust?”

Theo nods.

“And also desire.” I take a risk and run the pad of my finger over the length of his semi-hard dick. “So you must feel attraction?”

His dark eyes narrow as he thinks. “I want what you have.”

“You have to let yourself feel.” And that is terrifying, and painful, but if I hadn’t let the painful memories rise, then I wouldn’t have changed. “It’s not about Julie, but she helped me feel something other than anger, and I hated it at the time.” I also hated Michael and Theo. I hated everyone because I hated myself.

But at least I could feel.

“That want is jealousy,” Julie says. “Tell me more about it. How does it feel?”

“I don’t know. I just want.” He huffs out a breath, but his body is filled with tension. Something is happening in there. His face is so hard to read because it’s all round maw and ink dark eyes.

Julie releases his hand and crawls over to me. I’m not expecting the kiss she places on my lips. A part of me wonders what she is doing, the rest of me doesn’t care. She is kissing me.

Her lips move over mine, then her tongue traces over the seam until I open my mouth. My fingers tighten around Theo’s hand as both my dicks harden, ready for her attention. It’s not love, only hope and desire tangling together, but I don’t care because it’s the best thing I’ve felt in a long time.

She draws back and glances at Theo. “What did that feel like?”

What? I draw in a breath, ready to snap at her for using me like that, but I enjoyed it. I probably enjoyed it more than Theo. So what does it matter?

He lifts his free hand. “I want to be kissed, but I don’t have a mouth made for kissing. So it makes me angry, and I want to eat you.”

Julie presses her lips together. I understand what she’s trying to do now. She’s trying to make Theo feel something other than anger.

“You don’t need a mouth to be kissed.” I shift onto my knees, ignoring the way the skin and fresh scabs pull. Now that I am human-ish, I’m not healing as quickly. I press a kiss to the side of his face. His skin is cold beneath my lips. Then I whisper in his ear. “You have to let yourself feel something, even though it will hurt.”

“If I give into my feelings, I will hurt you.”

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