Page 32 of I'm Yours

“No,” I say. “Unfortunately, you did everything right. I think my kids will probably now want your cooking and reading and game-playing, though.”

He chuckles, but I can see a bit of red creep into his cheeks. “Oh, I wouldn’t be so sur—”

“I have a sister,” I blurt out. For absolutely no rational reason, other than that it popped into my mind and slid right on past my lips.

Seth’s eyes widen, and I can sense the mood shifting. Gone is the adorable flush in his cheeks, a serious expression replacing it. There are questions, lots of them, in the careful slant of his brows, but he’s quiet as though pondering which one to ask first.

It doesn’t take him long to decide. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Chapter Nineteen

Jenna

The question catches me off guard. I expected something like “What?” or “Why didn’t you tell me sooner” or “You have asister?”But that’s not what he asked. That’s not what I should’ve expected him to ask, either. I know him better than that, even if I don’t really know him very well. It’s a delicate dance, Seth and I’s relationship.

Oh.Well, great. Now I wonder what dancing—slow dancing, to be exact—with Seth would be like.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he says, and I know he means it.

“No, I think I…” I bite my lip. “I want to. I just don’t know where to start.”

“How about with her name?”

Yeah, probably the best idea. Funny I didn’t think of it on my own.

“Jade. She’s two years older than me.” Just saying the words aloud make me wonder if Jade ever thinks about me. If she ever wonders where I am like I do her. “She was always the straight-A student while also maintaining her status as homecoming queen and the sweet but popular cheerleader. I was always the quieter sister, more content to be in the background.”

Understanding dawns on Seth’s face. “That’s why the teens triggered you.”

“No. Well, not really.” Since food now sounds disgusting, even Seth’s, I set my fork down and clasp my hands in my lap. My knuckles go white. “Jade and I were always close. You know, average sibling close where we’d occasionally do each other’s hair, or we’d talk about her crush or she’d sometimes help me with my homework. Not really like the Bryants or you and Jess, but we were still sisters. I always looked up to Jade, to be honest.” I pause to take a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. “And then everything changed a couple months into my senior year of high school, Jade’s sophomore year of college.”

Though I can see the wheels turning in his head, Seth stays quiet, only studying me and listening intently. It’s both reassuring and unnerving.

“I couldn’t really put my finger onwhy, exactly, everything felt so different that year. I mean, yeah, I was a senior and I guess that was a big deal or whatever, but I didn’t want things to change because of it. Jade usually came home every other weekend from college, and we’d do stuff together, but it just always felt like she was too busy going out with friends to even have a conversation, let alone go and do something together. Mom and Dad were always excited because she was majoring in journalism and working at a newspaper part-time. Her career choice sort of shocked me because she wasn’t really the old school type growing up, but obviously our parents were ecstatic about it. Dad was a senior editor for theKansas City Staruntil he died, and my mom was in marketing at the same press. Maybe Jade wanted to continue her streak of being the best at everything. I don’t know.”

I release a little laugh, even though I feel anything but amused right now. I guess that’s just one of the many mysteries of human nature, though, and if we were to solve it, what would there be left to live for if not the mystery of life?

“Her visits eventually started stretching into once every month or so. And then, a couple days before my graduation, she called me and asked me to meet her at a coffee shop we always used to visit, so I did. I was excited she was in town for the two days before graduation because I thought we’d be able to catch up.” I let out another bitter laugh, shaking my head. “Jade was little taller and a little more slender than me. Her hair was long and naturally dark, and she had the prettiest blue-green eyes. She was kind of just effortlessly pretty, you know? But when I walked into that coffee shop, it wasn’t the Jade I’d always known. My sister had noticeably lost weight she didn’t have to lose in the first place, and honestly, I don’t know how I didn’t realize it on her other visits, but there was a look in her eyes that every single druggie has. Except this time, it was different. She wasn’t alone. She was pregnant.”

Seth closes his eyes, and I can see his jaw tighten. Probably because he’s seen exactly what I’m talking about—a young woman gets caught up in a bad crowd, lives it up, and then is forced to detox when she finds out she’s pregnant or otherwise lose the baby—more than once in his line of work. And I imagine he wants nothing more than to help every single one of them, just like he’s helping Luka, Mazzy, Colin, and Alessia, only to know it’s not up to him. Not really. If life has taught me anything, the only person we have control over is ourselves.

“Jade told me she’d gotten involved with a rough crowd at college, and she’d dropped out a couple weeks before and was living with some ‘friends.’ She asked me to tell my parents she couldn’t make it to my graduation, though, because she had a couple tests to finish before the end of the year. It broke me because I knew that wasn’t true.” I brush a tear from under my eye, my gaze fixed on the flowerpot just beyond Seth’s shoulder on the edge of my deck. “She promised that, if I did that for her, she would go to treatment. Get herself help so she could give the baby a stable life. She promised she would tell our parents about the baby just as soon as she had someplansin place.” My lips tremble, and I press my fist to them. “God, I was so naïve.”

Without saying a word, Seth scoots his chair up to mine so our knees are touching and pulls my fist from my mouth. He carefully twines his fingers through mine, providing a stable lifeline for me to keep going.

“I told her no. I was going to tell Mom and Dad. I wanted her at my graduation. I told her I would buy her a new dress or do her hair or whatever. That if she was going to go to treatment, she could come to my graduation because I didn’t care about what people thought of her being pregnant outside of marriage. She was my sister, and all I wanted was to have my family together on my ‘big day.’” I lock my jaw, hoping it helps keep my tears at bay. “I was shocked when she agreed. It wasn’t until the morning of graduation two days later that I realized I’d been lied to. And my parents had been too.”

“She wasn’t planning to go to treatment, was she?” His question is low, but the even way he speaks reminds me that he’s no stranger to screwed-up family dynamics.

“No,” I say, “she wasn’t. She wanted me to respond exactly like I did so I would be on her side when she told our parents, so they would be understanding. What she didn’t realize is that it’s hard to remain understanding when you steal two grand in cash from your parents and ditch town the day of your little sister’s graduation.”

His cheeks inflate with air he releases slowly, still saying nothing.

“I told my parents to call the police, but they refused. They said Jade didn’t steal anything because she was their daughter. I was so mad at them and at Jade—and myself, really—but of course we swept it under the rug for that day. And then the next. And the next. And sooner than later, it was practically the end of summer. We hadn’t confronted what happened that day in May because they were holding onto hope Jade would come back, all the while our family slowly fractured more and more every day. Then, the day before I was going to leave for college, Jade did show back up. It was during the day, so Mom and Dad were at work, but Jade told me she wasn’t there to see them, only me. By then she was only a few weeks out from her due date and she…” I pull in a deep breath, because this is the part that still hurts me the most. “She asked me to adopt the baby, because apparently she was going to turn herself into the police for some kind of drug operation and she wanted to know the baby would be taken care of. That’s when—” my voice jumps several octaves “—that’s when I told her no. That was the last time I saw my sister. She didn’t come to our parents’ funeral a year later, and I haven’t been able to locate her since.”

Seth doesn’t say a word. He just rises to his feet and pulls me up with him, tightening his arms around me as my tears fall onto his chest. He rubs calming circles on my back with one large palm, his other hand anchoring me to him with strength I don’t have right now.

“I should’ve told her I would do it,” I cry into his shirt, unable to stop the regrets from bubbling out. “Maybe then I wouldn’t have lost my sister and my parents. Maybe Jade really would’ve turned herself in or—or gone to treatment or whatever. Maybe I would know if I had a niece or a nephew, and maybe I’d know my sister is safe. Maybe I wouldn’t have met Pete and clung to the love he promised me when I felt like I had nobody else.”

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