Page 44 of Silent Secrets

“My first memories are of my father telling me how I’ll never live up to my brother, how everything I do is a disappointment. They’re of slaps and punches that took my breath away. Locked rooms without food or water for days at a time. The only kindness in my life came from Hunter, Caiden, and Marcos when they came around for the first time when I was about eight. They told me stories of my brother and how much they’d loved him. They told me the little they knew of my mother and how much she adored my brother.

“Unlike with my father, it made me feel closer to the brother that I would never know. They convinced me that he would’ve loved me. But I was also jealous because they told me about how my father doted on him and loved him—something that he’d never shown me. Do you know how hard it is to be jealous of someone that everyone loved?”

I swipe my free hand across my face, trying to wipe away the tears that fall. I hurt for Kai, for the young boy who didn’t know love, only pain. The boy who has grown into the man before me and I can see the shell he could’ve become. I hadn’t liked Kam Jin when I’d met him, but now? Now, I hate him with everything inside of me.

Who can do that to their own child? Demean them and beat them? A parent should love their child and build them up—never tear them down. What kind of person does that? He disgusts me and I honestly don’t know how I will hold my tongue when I see him.

I don’t say any of this aloud, because Kai isn’t done. He can’t be done. There’s more to his story and I already know that I won’t like it. I cling to Kai’s hand, eyes never leaving him as I wait for him to continue.

“He would regularly punish me with his fists, especially as I got older. By the time I was a teenager, I had bruises on my body more days than not. I could never take part in physical activities because I was too sore. He made sure to never hit my face unless he could hide me away until I healed. School breaks sucked because it meant that he could do anything he wanted to me without having to worry about anyone seeing it.

“The guys didn’t know what was going on for a long time. I’d gotten great at hiding it, but it was eating away at me every day. There wasn’t a day that didn’t go by that I didn’t think about ending it all. I couldn’t help but think that it would be better for everyone if I weren’t here anymore. Depression and anxiety were my daily companions.”

A sob catches in my throat as I try to remain quiet. Caiden lifts his eyes, and I can see the tears he’s fighting. Meanwhile, Kai’s face is blank as he stares off into space. How can he speak of this as if it’s nothing, with no emotion? If he’d done what he speaks of, I never would’ve met him and that breaks my heart.

I may not have known him for long, but there’s a connection between us—as there is with each one of the guys, even Hunter. Something that draws me to them even when I don’t want it to. It’s just another thing that I don’t understand, that I need to ask Grace about. But the idea of never having that connection with Kai? It’s too much to think about.

“The night before my powers were to be revealed, he beat me so badly that I almost didn’t make it. The entire time he told me how much he hated me and that I was an embarrassment—that I could never be anything but a disappointment. He had to pour healing potions down my throat to make sure that I didn’t die. Though why he bothered, I don’t know. He wasn’t sorry that he’d done it. After he’d been sure I would not die, he’d laughed at me. Laughing as he left me on the floor in a puddle of my own blood.”

My anger rushes forward once more and all I can think is about finding Kam and killing him.

Wait—what? This isn’t the first time since I’ve been in Sorlphi that I’ve had violent thoughts that would have never crossed my mind before I came here. I shake my head, trying to clear the thoughts away. I don’t know why I’m reacting so violently.

“I broke into his booze and figured I’d drink away the pain. I don’t remember everything about that night—I was in a lot of pain and I drank a lot. What I do remember is standing at the edge of the roof of the house I’d grown up in, the house that had been my prison, and thinking that maybe my father was right. I would never be good enough for him. I’d never live up to my brother. So why bother trying?

“And then I heard someone behind me. It was Caiden, and I almost fell off the roof in shock. He looked horrified when he took me in, covered in blood and bruises and drunk off my ass. When he asked me if I was okay, I’d laughed because it was obvious that I wasn’t.”

Caiden clears his throat. “I was terrified and didn’t know what to say. I asked him what happened and when he told me that his dad had done it, I almost lost my shit. It took everything in me to not climb right back down and kill him, but then Kai said it didn’t matter because he wouldn’t be anyone’s problem for much longer. Terror froze me there as I realized what he was telling me—that he was on that roof to end it all. And I couldn’t let that happen. Not just because I knew that Ryder wouldn’t want that for his brother… but because I was in love with him.”

Kai’s head finally lifts, turning to Caiden. The two of them just stare at one another for a moment and it’s clear how in love the two of them are. So what do they want with me? I don’t think that they’re playing with my emotions, but what do they need me for?

Insecurity is building inside of me, making me question if they’re only interested in me because then they could be together. I hate the thought as soon as it passes through my mind, but how can I not think that? I’ve known them for less than a week. No matter what connection I think that I might have with them—they all have a connection that I’m not a part of. And Caiden and Kai? They have a connection that no one else can touch.

I turn away, unable to continue to watch them. The tears that fill my eyes this time have nothing to do with Kai’s story, but with the fact that I won’t have a chance at what the two of them have. I have just over two months to choose four people to marry and finding love in that amount of time? That’s asking the impossible. The best that I can hope for is finding people I like and that maybe one day I can fall in love with.

“Addy?”

I blink away the tears and force a smile as I turn back to them, though I’m sure it looks more like a grimace. They’re both looking at me with a question in their eyes. I shrug and look away again, not wanting to answer the unasked question. I clear my throat, lifting my legs so that I can hug them to my chest before gesturing to Kai.

“I assume that isn’t the end of the story.”

Kai sucks on his teeth, and I can feel him staring at me before he lets out a sigh. I think he wants to ask me what’s bothering me, but he doesn’t. Though I’m sure that I could play it off as being upset by what he’s telling me if he decides to push it.

“If Caiden hadn’t found me when he did, I wouldn’t be here now. It was the start of our relationship. It turns out that I wasn’t a talentless, weak Fae, much to my father’s surprise. When my powers revealed, I was more powerful than even him. Which just pissed him off more—surprise, surprise. But I wasn’t letting him get to me anymore because I had Caiden.

“Until he caught us a few weeks later. I won’t get into the things that he said—while Caiden was there and then once he was gone—but we managed to convince him that it was a one-time fling, that we were just curious. It’s another night that I’m surprised that I survived his beating. I told Caiden that I’d be fine when he didn’t want to leave, but I could see it in my father’s eyes—the hate, the disgust. It was Hunter who found me the next day when I couldn’t even crawl out of my bed. The three of them packed up my things and we all moved to our own place here in Natsu. Now I do everything that I can to avoid being alone with him.”

It takes me a moment to respond as I try to rein in my temper. “He hit you tonight?”

Kai nods slowly as he reaches for the hem of his shirt, wincing when he tries to pull it up. Caiden stops him as he leans his head against Kai’s.

“Let me.”

It’s still a struggle for Kai to take off his shirt, even with Caiden’s help. Tears flood my eyes and anger rushes through me as the rising shirt reveals more skin. There is barely any skin on his torso that isn’t discolored.

I’ve never considered myself to be a violent person—I’ve never even been in a fight, but right now? Right now, I want to hit something. I’d like to rip apart Kam Jin with my bare hands. I don’t think that I’ve ever hated someone as much before—not even the man that had killed my mom.

And it honestly scares the ever living shit out of me. I’m not used to this kind of anger, and it worries me. I’ll need to talk to Grace about it as soon as possible.

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