Page 43 of Silent Secrets

Hadley

Ihatewaiting.

Even though I’d known I wouldn’t be able to concentrate, I’ve been trying to read since I’d climbed out of the bath following my impromptu nap. During which, I’m lucky I didn’t drown. I really need to remember to stop falling asleep in the bathtub.

I’m sure that I’ve read something during this time, but I do not know what it is. My mind has been on Kai and what is going on with him. I’m worried and I’m afraid that Caiden was lying to me when he said that they’d come to see me when they were done with their parents.

What if he was just trying to get me off their backs? I really hope that wasn’t the case, because I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d hunt them down. I’m tired of being kept in the dark. There’s just so much that I’m tired of not knowing. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for, to know what’s going on around me. If Caiden was serious about me choosing him as a consort—and by extension Kai—then I need them to be truthful with me and to trust me. Even knowing that will mean that I will also have to trust them.

I find myself staring at the clock once more, annoyed that it has been mere minutes since the last time I checked it. I do not know what time to expect them so it’s not like checking the time does me any good. There’s so much tension building inside of me as I wait, and I wish I had some way to work it out. I wonder if the palace has a gym?

Every day that I’ve been in Sorlphi, I’ve felt something building inside of me. It feels electric, a dull buzz in my blood that grows each day. I do not know what it is. Could it be anxiety or is it something more than that? When I’m around others, I can ignore it, but when I’m alone? I’m wondering if I might be going crazy. Should I mention it to someone?

A knock on the door causes me to jerk, dropping the book I was pretending to read to the floor. My hand moves to my chest as I force myself to take deep breaths, anxiety heavy in my stomach as I stand.

Caiden’s grin is the first thing I see when the door opens and it’s like a balm to my soul. Returning the smile is easy—until my eyes land on Kai, who is standing behind Caiden with his eyes downcast.

Just like that, the worry is back.

I step back, gesturing for them to come in. Caiden grabs Kai’s hand, pulling him inside. When they pass, I can’t help but reach out, brushing my hand against Kai’s. His head snaps up as he freezes, and I watch as emotion after emotion passes through his eyes before his head drops once more and he allows Caiden to lead him to the couch.

What the fuck?

After only a day of Kai’s attention being on me, I don’t want to lose it. I chew on my lip as I shut the door, hoping that Kai won’t revert to how he was before the previous night. I can’t go back to that now that I know the real Kai.

I trail behind them, watching as Kai flinches as he sits, obviously in pain. Anxiety makes way for worry and anger. Hurrying over, I drop to my knees in front of him, hands hovering over his knees. I want to touch him, but I’m afraid to hurt him, afraid that he doesn’t want me to touch him. I end up placing one hand on the couch beside him and the other on Caiden’s knee as he presses against Kai’s side.

“Do you need anything? Can I get you something?”

Kai shakes his head, not even glancing up at me. My lip makes its way back between my teeth as my eyes slide over to Caiden. His eyes stay on Kai, but he reaches over to squeeze my hand that lies on his knee. I don’t know what to do. I’m completely out of my depth here.

“Do you want me to tell her, Kai?” Caiden’s voice is quiet. When Kai doesn’t answer him, he hooks his hand under Kai’s chin and turns his head until the other man meets his gaze.

“No, I need to do this.”

Kai takes a deep breath as Caiden’s hand drops, and then he finally turns to meet my gaze, though he doesn’t speak right away. Emotions run through his eyes so quickly that I can’t even begin to keep up. I don’t know what’s going through his mind—I’m just grateful to have his full attention on me once more. I just wish that it was under better circumstances—not that I actually know the circumstances, but it’s obvious that it’s nothing good.

“This will be a long story,” Kai finally says. “You might be more comfortable sitting up here.”

I climb to my feet when Kai pats the spot beside him. There isn’t much room between him and the arm of the couch, but I don’t hesitate to drop beside him. I’m pressed against him from shoulder to thigh and all I can do is hope that I’m not hurting him.

He’s silent for a few more minutes before grabbing my hand and playing with my fingers as he stares at the fireplace in front of us. I won’t press him, as there is no question that this is hard for him to talk about. But the longer the silence stands, the more my mind runs away from me as I try to figure out what he’s going to tell me.

“I’m not my father’s first child.”

Kai’s words are quiet, barely discernible even in the quiet room. But they hit me like a ton of bricks. If Kai isn’t the first child, then why was he sent to me?

“I had an older brother that I’ve never met. His name was Ryder, and he was meant to be the Autumn court heir, not me. He was born about four years after Caiden. The two of them and Hunter grew up together, the best of friends from what they tell me. Marcos, of course, came later.

“I know Marcos told you why he’s younger than the other two and yet he’s still much older than me. Didn’t you ever wonder why that was? The only reason that I was born is that my brother went missing twenty-seven years ago. No one knows what happened to him and there was no body found. But after two years with no sign of him, they declared him dead. With no heir, all I can assume is that my parents decided to have another child—me.”

Kai’s voice is devoid of any emotion as he speaks and I can feel my heart breaking for him. Squeezing his hand, I hope he takes it how I mean it—a way to let him know that I’m listening, that I’m there for him. I see Caiden do the same with his other hand, but neither of us speaks as Kai falls silent again.

Even as the silence carries on for minutes, I know that this isn’t the full story.

“My mother died shortly after I was born, so I’ve never known her. Something that is obviously my fault, or so my father likes to point out on the regular. He’s never made a secret of the fact that he doesn’t love me. I’m a stand-in for my brother, who should have been his heir. Sometimes I wonder if he would’ve loved me if I were born before my brother disappeared.”

Kai scoffs, sniffing, and even though he isn’t looking at me, I can tell that he’s fighting back tears. I want to argue with him, tell him that, of course, his dad loves him. How could he not? But I don’t really know his dad and from what I saw at dinner, he isn’t a simple man.

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