It struck him that Ilsa’s decision to leave that party in Monaco and embark on an affair had been very convenient for Lucien. It took the heat off him and his woman since the press had to drop the ‘poor Ilsa’ theme that had been so popular.
Noah’s stare sharpened on Ilsa’s face, but as the thought surfaced he knew it was unworthy. She would never give herself to a stranger to make a point for the press.
‘So Lucien and Aurélie benefited when you agreed to sail away with me. What’s the problem now?’
Ilsa’s expression was wary. Had she heard the hint of annoyance in his tone? She mightn’t love her ex but that didn’t mean Noah had to like him. Ilsa had suffered through this.
‘Aurélie’s pregnant but there’s a complication. She might lose the baby.’ Her white face pushed any thought of petty jealousy from Noah’s head. He moved closer, wrapping his arm around her, and she leaned in, making the tightness behind his ribs ease. ‘She’s in hospital so there’s no keeping it quiet. Lucien rang to warn me we’d all be front page news again.’
‘I see.’
For Noah, press interest had revolved around his success, or silly pieces about the world’s sexiest bachelors. Neither bothered him. Ilsa’s experience was completely different.
‘It’s not the press interest distressing you.’
Ilsa had already thumbed her nose at the gossips by taking up with him.
‘I’m worried about Aurélie and the baby. She and Lucien have been through so much and this child means the world to them.’
Her mouth crumpled. She was such a warm-hearted, generous woman. Clearly she loved children, to be so worried about this unborn child. He remembered the dozens of cute slippers she’d bought for children in hospital, and the way she stopped to chat with kids wherever they went.
Is that what Ilsa wanted? Children?
Noah stared down into her troubled features and found himself crossing a boundary he hadn’t intended to. But the pain he saw there dragged the words out.
‘When we met I asked what you wanted from life. You said you didn’t know. But you knew exactly what was important to you. Your people, your country and family.’
Her eyes met his, wide and wary. ‘So?’
‘Maybe it’s time to put your people and your country further down your priority list.’ He paused, trying to get a handle on his tangled thoughts. ‘You want children too, don’t you?’
Was that pain he saw in her face? Surely not, for abruptly she nodded and said softly, ‘Yes. I’d love that.’
Everything inside him stilled. He felt poised on a knife-edge, watching emotions chase each other across her face.
Noah experienced a surge of unfamiliar feelings that made him hesitate.
He felt more for Ilsa than for any other woman. Even for Poppy, whom he’d once wanted to marry. But he’d changed since those days of naïve romantic dreams.
Noah told himself it was good to be aware of Ilsa’s desire for a family. It was a timely reminder that what they shared, though spectacular, wasn’t permanent.
Strange, though. That sharp phantom pain in his belly was back.
He raised his palm to her face, feeling tenderness well, understanding what a tough time she’d had.
‘I can imagine you as a mother, Ilsa. You’ll be wonderful with a family.’ He paused and made himself go on. ‘I hope you meet the right man for that soon.’
I can imagine you as a mother... I hope you meet the right man soon.
Noah’s words echoed as Ilsa paddled her kayak in the early morning stillness. She heard them as clearly as if he’d spoken them now instead of days ago.
His meaning had been clear.Hewasn’t the man for her, not long-term. His plans for the future didn’t include her.
She swallowed hard and dug in her paddle, skimming the surface and powering along the bay. She should be tired from lack of sleep, after another night spent making love with Noah. Yet she was filled with restless energy, her thoughts darting uneasily to subjects she’d tried to avoid. Noah. The future. What she really wanted from life.
Once that had been easy. To serve her country and to have the family she’d always craved.
Now there was no defined role for her in Altbourg. None that would satisfy long-term, at any rate. As for a family, at her last gynaecologist’s appointment she’d been told to prepare for the possibility she might not be able to have children. It wasn’t certain, but time was against her. She shouldn’t leave it much longer to try.