Her elation dimmed.
She sifted his words and her heart sank.
Noah hadn’t mentioned his feelings for her, just the fact that he had changed his mind about having a family. Come to think of it, he wasn’t even saying he expected to be with her permanently, just that they should see how things went.
Like a try before you buy scheme.
Ilsa swallowed, horrified to taste a knot of tears high in her throat.
What had she expected? A declaration of love?
No, don’t think about the answer to that!
‘You’re not saying anything.’
‘You’ve given me a lot to think about.’
Noah wanted marriage and children.
Children.
Ice ran along Ilsa’s bones.
‘You definitely want a family?’
‘Absolutely.’ He smiled andnowshe saw emotion flicker in his eyes. At the idea of children.
Something dropped, hard and fast, through her abdomen, making her feel suddenly nauseous. She wanted a baby and the thought of having Noah’s child would be a dream come true. But was it possible?
Ilsa had missed a recent gynaecologist’s appointment, partly because she feared the prognosis. Her cousin’s situation weighed heavily on her mind, and the fear that she too might also be infertile.
Then how would Noah react? He said he wanted a family and she read that truth in his eager expression. He looked more excited about that than when he’d suggested they stay together.
Through their weeks together Ilsa had seen him with kids often and knew he loved being with them. She suspected he’d make a great dad. When she’d asked what he enjoyed most he’d said being with his nephew.
If Noah wanted a relationship would it survive the possibility that she couldn’t have children?
There were no guarantees, but she feared she knew the answer. Ilsa didn’t think she had the strength to embark on a future with Noah and risk him rejecting her later for something over which she had no control.
If he told her he loved her then she’d scrape together the courage to tell him of her fears.
If he told her he loved her she’d brave anything.
But this wasn’t a declaration of love. It was an invitation to continue their affair.
How would her heart fare if she stayed with him, loving him while he didn’t love her? Knowing she might not be able to give him what he wanted?
Her life was already in turmoil. She had felt directionless, her confidence damaged and her sense of self-worth impaired by a series of rejections that weren’t about her personally. How much worse would it be if Noah pushed her away?
Ilsa shot to her feet so fast she swayed.
‘Ilsa?’ Noah was on his feet too, just an arm’s length away, his brow furrowed with concern. ‘What is it?’
Her heart dived as she took him in. Tall and handsome but far more than that. He was the man who had unlocked her heart. And unwittingly broken it.
He reached for her.
‘No! Please, don’t touch me.’