After all, honesty was the basis of a solid relationship and that was what he wanted with Ilsa. He was in for the long haul. As soon as he’d convinced her to take a chance on him.
If he gave her honesty, hopefully she’d reciprocate and share what was behind her leaving. He suspected it was because of demands put on her by her family or royal obligations. He hoped to support to her with those but he had a lot of catching up to do.
Ilsa tilted her head as if trying to read his thoughts. He recognised it as her thinking look and something in his chest tightened at that endearing, familiar expression.
‘I told you some people look down on my family because of the work they do.’
‘And I told you that doesn’t matter to me.’
Noah inclined his head. ‘I remember. But the day you walked out was a shock to a man like me, used to being in control.’ In business and his personal life things ran the way he wanted. Maybe he was growing spoiled by having his own way so often? ‘It also reminded me too much of something that happened in the past. A woman who left me high and dry.’
The astonishment on Ilsa’s face would have stoked his ego in other circumstances. It looked as if she had trouble imagining a woman leaving him.
But the joke was on Noah, for twice now it had happened and both times it had shifted his world.
He cleared his throat. ‘Her name was Poppy. She was bright, sexy and fun and I thought I loved her, though now I suspect I was in love with the idea of love. I thought I’d found my life partner.’ He shrugged ruefully. ‘My family has a tradition of falling in love early and for life.’
‘I see.’ Yet Ilsa frowned.
‘I’m sure you don’t, but you will.’ Noah drew a slow breath. ‘Poppy didn’t love me. It turned out I was just a bit of fun. A change from her sophisticated friends and privileged lifestyle. I had money and a growing business reputation, so it didn’t hurt to be seen with me. But when I asked her to marry me she was scandalised. She’d never lower herself socially to marry someone with a family like mine, despite all the lovely money I could provide.’
‘That’s truly horrible. I don’t understand how you hadn’t realised what she was like.’
A terse laugh escaped. ‘I was very young and good sex can blind a guy. Besides, she was clever. She didn’t make her feelings obvious, especially as she wanted me to fund a start-up enterprise she planned. An online fashion atelier.’
‘She wanted you to lend her money?’
‘Oh, not a loan.’ He grimaced. ‘She was insulted when I talked about drawing up a legal agreement. She thought I’d give her anything she wanted. Maybe that’s part of the reason she took such delight in rejecting me.’
She hadn’t held anything back in her scathing description of Noah and his family and he’d seen red when she’d insulted the people he cared most about in the world.
Ilsa said something under her breath in a language he didn’t know. Yet he understood the sentiment and warmed at her outrage on his behalf.
‘I’m sorry she hurt you and even sorrier that I reminded you of her. I see how my actions might have felt like an echo of that.’
‘Thank you. I should have been able to shrug the experience off, but she hurt my family too. My sister in particular.’ He’d never forgive her for the damage she’d done to Ally. ‘It’s no excuse, but that day in Turkey was too much like déjà vu.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ It wasn’t a platitude. He heard Ilsa’s sincerity.
‘It’s in the past, or it should be.’ Thankfully Ally was well and happy now, doing a job she adored. ‘In the clear light of day I see that, but when we separated I let myself get swamped by doubt. I couldn’t think clearly, even when instinct said you were honest and generous.’
‘Our pasts affect us all.’
Ilsa’s words made him respect her even more, and feel worse about jumping to conclusions. Ilsa battled to overcome her own rejections.
‘You didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of my temper.’ Noah spread his hands and paused, knowing he needed to share something he’d never spoken about. ‘The fact is I blame myself for what happened to my sister. I was the one who brought Poppy into her life. That’s part of why I suspected the worst about you, even as I told myself it couldn’t be true. It was unfair on you.’
‘Thank you, Noah, and thank you for explaining. It makes things...easier.’
Did Ilsa’s mouth turn down or did he imagine it? Suddenly, despite the desperate way they’d fallen into each other just now, Noah felt the full weight of trepidation press down on him.
‘That’s not the only reason I’m here, Ilsa.’
He felt his hands clench on the arms of the chair and relaxed them, trying to ease a little of his tension.
‘I’ve done a lot of thinking. In fact—’ he paused ‘—I’ve had a revelation.’
Noah studied Ilsa closely. Her body language warned him to tread very carefully. He hated even this small distance between them as they sat facing each other, but better to wait to reveal his feelings for her. Instinct warned him she wasn’t ready for an emotional declaration.