Because he wanted Ilsa in his life. Wanted her long-term.
Thatwas the truth he’d been grappling with just before she’d announced she was going. The idea would once have seemed outlandish. Now it made total sense.
Noah was the only one of his family in three generations who hadn’t met and married his partner by his early twenties. Because, after his early mistake, he’d believed his judgement was flawed.
The Carsons had a tradition of instant attraction and lifelong devotion. Noah had believed he’d avoided that family trait since with Poppy he’d let lust blind him.
But now he couldn’t ignore the signs. That immediate slam of awareness, unlike anything he’d known. His total absorption in Ilsa. The fact he’d upended his plans just to be with her.
He’d been happy for years to indulge in short-term relationships. All fun and no expectations.
That wasn’t how he felt now. It hadn’t been for some time.
So much hung in the balance. He couldn’t recall being so nervous before any business negotiation, but this was more important than any commercial deal.
A sound made him look up and he slammed to a halt, heart hammering, every muscle tensed.
Ilsa crossed the sitting room and sank into an armchair. Avoiding the sofas in case he sat beside her? His jaw tightened in disappointment.
Her posture was perfect, her head high. But her skirt was crumpled and stained, she’d put up her hair again but feathery tendrils escaped as if her hands hadn’t been as deft as usual, and her mouth was swollen from passion.
She was the most beautiful woman he knew.
Noah’s breath snagged in his lungs.
He hadn’t intended to have sex with her before they spoke, much less do it up against the bathroom vanity. But his need had been urgent and so, he’d been grateful to discover, had hers.
Yes, surely they could sort everything out.
‘Ilsa, I need—’
‘Noah, let me say something first.’
She looked so serious that, despite the urgency gnawing at him, he nodded and sat back. His apology was overdue but it could wait a few minutes.
‘I shouldn’t have left you the way I did, with no warning. It was rude and it wasn’t surprising you jumped to conclusions. But—’ she leaned forward, her expression earnest ‘—I never used you for gain. I didn’t know about progress on that business deal. I didn’t know you’d come to an agreement and it had nothing to do with me leaving.’
She looked at her clasped hands. ‘I went with you for purely selfish reasons. They had nothing to do with Altbourg or my father or business.’
‘I know.’
She looked up, startled. ‘You do?’
Noah nodded, tasting self-reproach on his tongue.
‘I was in such a lather about you going I couldn’t think properly. All I knew was that it felt wrong, you leaving like that. I lashed out with wild accusations and insulted you.’
He paused. ‘That’s why I needed to see you, to apologise. To tell you I’m sorry.’
‘I see. Thank you.’
Yet she didn’t look happy. He didn’t blame her. She’d torn their idyll apart with her departure but he’d sullied what they’d shared and soured what had been special.
He still didn’t understand why she’d run away, but one thing at a time.
‘I appreciate you telling me.’ She shifted in her seat as if preparing to leave.
‘That’s not all. You deserve to know the rest.’ He drew a slow breath. ‘I made the mistake of letting my emotions cloud my judgement and letting past experience prejudice me too. I’m sorry. I’m not making excuses, but I want you to understand.’