Finally he spoke. ‘They still believe in fairy tales here? You’ll have to do better than that, Princess Carolina.’ She hated the sneering way he said her name. ‘No one could take your child unless you wanted it gone. You were an adult, a mother. You had responsibilities. So did your lover. Yet you both gave her up.’
His words echoed the guilt that dogged her in the darkest hours. The shame, the belief that somehow she should have intuited the truth and stopped them taking her baby.
Caro blinked, feeling the hot glaze at the backs of her eyes but refusing to shed more tears.
‘Ariane’s father died before she was born.’
Jake stilled, a frown descending. Then he shook his head. ‘You’re after sympathy?’
‘No!’ She looked down at her hands, twisting in her lap. ‘All I want is for you to hear me out.’ She’d hoped to skate over some details but Jake already knew so much and had put the worst interpretation on those. She had to make him understand. ‘Can you do that?’
For answer he crossed his ankles and leaned back in his seat, his silvery gaze fixed on her like a steely skewer.
For all his sprawling arrogance Caro had the crazy urge to get up and kiss him full on the lips till he lost that haughty attitude and scooped her close. Because, bizarre to admit it, she’d found not just carnal satisfaction with him but something more. Something that had, for a fleeting time, felt strong and real and good.
How many times could she fool herself into believing what she wanted to believe? Surely Mike had cured her of that.
Shifting her gaze to the small landscape painting on the wall beyond Jake, Caro cleared her throat. ‘After school I was allowed to study in the USA. It was the first time I’d lived outside the palace.’
‘And you kicked over the traces, of course.’
Her gaze slewed back to his. ‘There’s no of course about it. I was nervous but excited. To have the freedom to make my own friends, not the ones approved by my father...’ Looking at Jake’s stony face, she gave up trying to explain.
‘I spent a lot of my time studying. Art history mainly. I’d hoped eventually to work in a gallery or museum.’ That dream was long gone. She frowned, dragging herself back to the point. ‘When I was there I met Mike, another student. He was everything I wasn’t. Confident, outgoing, charming—’
‘You do yourself a disservice.’ Jake’s drawl interrupted her. ‘You were all those things at the ball tonight.’
Her eyes darted to his then away. ‘Learned skills. In Mike it was innate. He was...’ She shrugged. ‘Actually, he wasn’t the man I thought he was. But I fell for him. We became lovers and I was as happy as I’d ever been.’ The change had been amazing after her dour family situation with her perpetually disapproving father and a stepmother who saw her as an encumbrance.
‘We did go to parties and some of them got out of hand, but I usually left early. I wasn’t into drugs.’ Which was why she hadn’t realised the signs that Mike was. She’d truly been naïve. ‘Then I found out I was pregnant. I suspect Mike tampered with the condoms.’
‘Another bit of embroidery, Caro? Young guys aren’t generally eager for parenthood.’
‘Mike wasn’t like most guys. I discovered later that he saw me as a ticket to wealth and privilege. Getting me pregnant was his insurance policy.’ She met Jake’s narrowed eyes and hurried on. ‘At first it was so romantic. He proposed and I accepted. I thought we were in love and we’d have a wonderful future. Until I came home early one day to find him in bed with another woman.’
Jake leaned closer, his disbelief replaced by anger. He muttered something savage that, though it couldn’t change the past, made Caro feel better.
‘I was devastated.’ Looking back now, she’d had a lucky escape. Cold iced her bones as she imagined not discovering Mike’s true colours till after the wedding. She rubbed her hands up her arms.
‘I dumped him and when I refused to take him back he turned nasty. He wouldn’t give up. His moods became erratic, possibly because of the drugs he was taking.’ Caro shivered, remembering how he’d frightened her.
‘He threatened you?’ Jake’s gaze darkened.
‘It doesn’t matter now. What matters is that he contacted the palace. He told my father I was pregnant, hoping my father would force me into marriage. He’s very strict and wouldn’t abide me bringing up an illegitimate child.’ Caro grimaced, remembering.
‘But you didn’t marry.’
‘No. My father paid him for his silence.’
So much for the undying love Mike had professed. Even after all this time that had the power to wound. All her life she’d longed for love. She had only the vaguest recollection of her mother’s warmth. ‘With Mike’s help the press got hold of stories of me partying wildly. My father used that to explain my return to St Ancilla.’
‘And your lover?’
Caro tilted her head, surveying Jake. Why the curiosity when he knew Mike was dead?
‘He used the money to indulge himself. He died of an overdose months after I left.’
‘I see.’ Jake scowled and Caro wondered what it was he saw. ‘So you came back here, to your family.’