Page 49 of Something Borrowed

More than just great sex had happened. Last night went well beyond that, and not just because he said the dreaded three words of I love you. Grady lived his life out there, exactly who he was, not putting on any airs or masks, while Brigid built walls and protections, hiding who she was and what she felt, analyzing everything until she had determined the best course of action. Her father had taught her that; always plan every step from vacations to your career. Nothing was left to chance. If anything went wrong, she needed a contingency and another contingency. Then she met Grady, and nothing had gone according to plan.

The big question was, how did she feel about him? Did she love him? She hadn’t considered falling in love. Ever. She had always planned to find the perfect partner for her life, one who understood and had the same career path. Kids had not really figured into the picture. Hell, she wasn’t even sure she wanted them, knowing instinctively her life was not conducive to children. But Grady would be a fantastic dad, coaching little league games and football practices, and being an overprotective dad when boys came calling. And where would she be? In the office, working late on contracts and client meetings, barely knowing what her children’s lives were.

Was that the life she wanted? Because that was the track she was on.

Even now, hearing requirements for a spouse from the firm, while not a requirement per se but a recommendation, they reminded her that, no matter how she felt about Grady, she and Grady could never happen, not if she wanted to make partner at the firm. They would never accept Grady and he would be miserable there. She would be caught between two worlds—one that required long hours, full attention, and a certain status, and the other with Grady, the white picket fence, and Saturday t-ball games. Her life as it stood now would never be the way Grady wanted. How could she reconcile that life with her goals of being a partner?

Her parents had pushed her, and she had made her decisions based on what they wanted for her and her siblings. She had spent her life trying to live up to their ideals and failing every time. Her parents didn’t want these goals for themselves, not just to brag to their friends about their successful children. Well, not entirely. They wanted their children to be self-sufficient, independent, and secure for their futures and the best way they knew how was to drive them toward financial security in fields that were strong and solid. She understood those reasons. Life was uncertain and precarious. She couldn’t rely on anyone but herself. And if she ever wanted a family, she had to be prepared to insure their future too.

Needing to avoid the melancholy thoughts, she hopped in the shower and headed downstairs quickly, hoping to catch Grady but his truck was gone. Matthew was sitting at the table with his laptop when she walked into the kitchen. She grabbed a cup and sat across from him, not sure what to say. She and Matthew had met through Caroline, and they had become friends, especially once they started working for the same firm. Matthew had tutored her and guided her through law school. He had stuck his neck out for her internship and then her job at the firm.

And last night had thrown it back in his face by telling him she hated her job. Nice way to pay back a friend.

She perched on the edge of the seat, cupping her hands around the coffee mug, and stared at the liquid.

“Are you waiting for some divination from coffee? I can tell you that coffee may be the giver of life, but it doesn’t have the answers, and neither does alcohol.” Matthew’s voice was low and steady, but his attention never wavered from the monitor. She started, then took another sip.

“So, you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“Vegas rules, right, Brigid?”

This time she definitely got the cool tone, and it pissed her off. She pushed the coffee away and lowered the laptop screen until he focused on her. “What?”

“Screw Vegas rules. We need to talk.” She grimaced. “I seem to say that a lot this week.”

“Fine, let’s talk.” He leaned back and crossed his arms in front of him. “So, you hate your job?”

She bit her lower lip. “Yeah, that surprised me, too.”

He arched his eyebrow and waited, a time-honored lawyer trick, waiting for the witness to get uncomfortable with the silence and spill all. She sipped her coffee again and tried to put her feelings into words.

“I thought I was happy. And I am. I mean, I love being a lawyer.”

“Do you?”

“I thought I did. Property law isn’t the sexiest, but I’m pretty good at it.”

“Peterman had some praise for you on some pro bono work you did for him.” At her quizzical look, he clarified. “The Diaz case? Slum-lords?”

She smiled, remembering how she had helped that family with their landlord, who refused to fix the atrocious living conditions. Grady had asked her to look into it for him. He had helped the family out with some repairs, but the place should have been condemned. Turned out, the landlord had been jacking up the rents, threatening to turn in the tenants to immigration, and keeping the living conditions worse than any animal should live in. She had been allowed to work the case because every lawyer at the firm was required to put in some pro bono work, to assuage the partners’ conscience about the rest of their case-load, and she had exceeded expectations on that one.

“Yes, that case was great. I was glad to help them and the other families get what they deserved and the landlord forced to make the improvements he should have been making all along.”

“And you did some great work with Grady on saving that site for historical value. Could it be the larger firm is what you don’t like?” His voice was even and nonjudgmental, as if he were guiding an intern to a realization.

“I sense you’re slow-walking me somewhere, Matthew. Just get to the point, okay? I’m not some simpering idiot who needs her feelings preserved.”

“I’m not leading you anywhere. I’m telling you outright that maybe the firm is not for you. Maybe you need something smaller, something less corporate.”

“Yeah, I can see my parents’ reaction to that one. ‘You left one of the most prestigious firms when you were on the track for partner? Maybe you weren’t that good at what you do.’” Her voice deepened as she mimicked her father. “That’s completely opposite to my goals.”

He stood and gathered his laptop. “Maybe it’s time to let go of your goals and make new ones, ones that make you happy.” He started to walk out of the room, then stopped. “How does Grady fit into this?”

She frowned, staring down at her coffee again, hoping that a vision would materialize. “I don’t know.”

“Make sure he has a place in your life or end it now. He’s a great guy, but deserves everything from you. If you can’t give it, then you need to walk away now.”

“Believe me, I’ve tried. He won’t leave.”

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