Page 93 of Awakening their Goddess

Chapter 31

Lacey

Itwasweeksafterhis death before his family organised the funeral and I waited for the call every day, wishing to get it over with. But as I glanced around at the people standing around the deep hole in the ground. I dreaded that this was the day the ground was about to swallow up my sweet Ryan, my friend, my lover, my knight.

The day he died was the worst of my life. But today was turning out just as bad, but it was not over yet and there was plenty of time to change it to the worst day ever. Especially as nothing was taking the edge off my heightened anxiety. I was tense, grappling with my emotions, which were dousing my thoughts with anger and fear as I struggled to deal with the loss of my love.

Opening my heart to my knights when I said I never would—my parents supposed death did that to me. But I opened up and somehow I was glad I found him and loved him. He had led me to a time when I loved again.

But I couldn’t function like this, and I desperately needed to lose myself in my guys to remember who I was. To remind myself why life had to go on.

Because I didn’t realise that it was possible to hurt so much again. The first time I felt this much pain was the day I watched my parents being laid to rest. The anguish I felt that day was a pain I never wished to repeat. But here I was, watching my lover being taken away from me.

I knew Ryan would hate to see me wallow, he would want me to live. The day I believed was my parents’ funeral, I was too numb to feel. Now I wished I had that same feeling, like I was somewhere else.

“You’re going to be okay,” Kane whispered, entwining his fingers with mine. “Seb and I are with you... Always.”

I gave him a smile and then looked away.

And as I looked at the people opposite me, I could tell there was some animosity around today. His mother looked defiant, her shoulders back and her face upturned.

Different to how I expected, she almost looked angry.

Maybe she was.

I was too, but for me, it was hard being here. The finality of Ryan’s life was about to be determined forever. Though I never found out who had vanished his soul. Clayton and Carter both saying it was neither man.

Maybe she was angry with me.

I closed my eyes tight for some time, hoping this was a sick thought in my imagination. That really he was alive. But I opened my eyes, and it wasn’t a wicked dream that had got out of hand. It was real, and they were lowering Ryan’s coffin.

My shoulders shook and invisible hands clutched at my lungs as each gasp took my breath.

I tried to relax, but as I tightened my grip on the rose in my hand; I knew it was over and it was too hard to watch, knowing I put him there.

Ryan had his own great power, but he couldn’t fight the power I had emitted myself and I wished I could turn back time, but now that could never happen. It was took late and his body was being interned into the ground, ready for his soul to be reborn and I should take solace in that. He wouldn't be dead forever, I should be happy. I was never afraid to die in each of my lives. I regaled that my next life would be the one that would work.

Though now I had Aria, I didn’t want to try again.

Tears streamed down my face as I thought of that because that meant that the last night I had with Ryan will forever be in my heart. His love for me was as real as mine was for him. But we would never have the chance to try again.

I swallowed as I stared and realised hot tears were burning down my cheeks, my shoulders shook and I had to take control because if I didn’t, I knew I was going to fall into the dark pit of despair. The same pit that I clawed out of a few times over the past few weeks.

An arm wrapped around my shoulders, and I dropped my head against Seb’s arm. I sobbed. It was too hard, watching him being taken from me.

Finally, I lapsed into silence, but my thoughts were hundreds of miles away. A place where Ryan and I had our first kiss. Him telling me about his ex and me confiding in my life. My shoulders dropped, so did my heart, and my eyes felt as low as I did.

The sobs threatened again, and I bit hard on my trembling lip to rein back more floods of tears. But they had burst from my eyes like a broken dam and the dam seemed to overflow.

“It wasn’t your fault,”he said.

I rubbed the pad of my palm across my eyes and lifted my gaze and glanced around the congregation.

“You’re my everything.”His voice was wrapped in sin as the words rolled off his perfect lips.

Why did I feel this way when I knew there was a monster underneath? One who could take my last breath without so much as touching me.

“Have we met before? Have I seen you?”An achingly familiar feeling came back again. I recognised him, but then I didn’t, similar but not the same. But there was something that felt familiar.

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