Page 34 of Awakened in September (Sleepless November Saga 4)

“Just fruit.” I assure her, putting the bag down on the nearest desk. “I spent all yesterday doing, um, research.” I mumble. “I’m sorry I tried to take this too fast.”

She doesn’t reply. She just looks at me with her jaw dropped and her eyes slightly narrowed, as if she’s trying to solve the world’s biggest mystery. Her lack of a response tells me there may be hope after all. I muster up enough courage to take a chance and walk towards her.

As soon as I’m close enough, I wrap my arms around her body and pull her close. She doesn’t fight me on it. Her head and hands rest against my chest – just allowing me to hold her. Her hair smells of vanilla, and I realize this is the first time I’m this close to her. Hopefully she can’t hear how fast my heart is beating.

“Forgive me?” I whisper, feeling more than relieved when she nods against me.

Despite how much I would love to spend the entire day with her wrapped in my arms, we have lunch to eat and a project to finish. I reluctantly step away and take the food out of the bag, handing her the fruit and a bottle of water.

The two of us make small talk as we consume our lunch, and I’m happy to see she doesn’t have much of a problem eating this time. I know the number of calories in fruit is low, but at least she’s putting something in her stomach. I remember the phrase from one of the many articles I read about helping people recover from anorexia. Start small, work up from there.

When we finish our food, we lie beside each other on her bed and play the videos. The first one we watch is of the grocery store, since it’s longer. I admit to her that I’ve paid for people since that day. I never really planned on telling anyone, but I’m still trying to open up to her more. She seems slightly surprised, but recovers with a smile and we go back to watching the screen. I’m thankful she didn’t make a big deal about it.

Once we’re done with that one, she switches to the video from the diner. I listen to the way I bark at my girlfriend. It causes me to cringe and Kayleigh doesn’t miss my reaction.

“Wow. I was really mean.”

She pauses it and turns to me. “It was just an act. You needed to be.”

I roll over to face the ceiling. “I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if I treat her the way she deserves.”

She sits up and stretches a little. I flop my head to the side to look at her.

“She loves you.”

I wince slightly. “Yeah. I know. That’s part of the problem.” She says nothing, but looks at me as if she’s waiting for me to continue. It feels weird talking to her about this, but I guess this is part of being myself. “She’s told me a few times, but I just haven’t been able to say it back.”

“You don’t love her?”

“No? I don’t know. She’s a great girl.” I stop and take a deep breath. “They say you just know when you’re in love with someone, and I just don’t know with her. So, I guess, no – I don’t.”

She’s quiet for a moment, and I start to wonder if I made a mistake by telling her that. However, just as I’m about to change the subject, she moves and lies down next to me.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Her short response makes me chuckle. “Thanks for the advice, Kay.” I quip, poking her side. She squirms instantly and I sit up. “You’re ticklish!?”

“No.” She answers too quickly for it to be true.

I dig my finger into her side again, lighting up when she flinches. “Liar. You are!”

She thrashes around as I tickle the sides of her tiny waist. “No, Holden. Stop.” She pleads through a laugh. I can’t seem to control my smile at the adorable way she moves.

“Well don’t you two look cozy.” A voice halts our movements, but it’s not Bree’s.

I turn my head to see Taylor standing in the doorway. Brianna comes in behind her, carrying more bags than necessary. She places them on her bed and comes over to me.

“Hey babe.” She says and gives me a quick kiss.

“Hey.”

Taylor glares at us from where she stands while Bree goes into the bathroom. The silence is awkward, neither myself nor Kayleigh wanting to speak. Once my girlfriend comes back out, she kisses me once more.

“We’re going out to dinner. I just wanted to drop the bags off.”

I nod and watch as she walks back out the door, sliding past Taylor.

“Don’t have too much fun.” The bitch tells us, raising her eyebrows judgingly.

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