“Panic attacks.”
I hear a small gasp come from her lips. The gears are turning rapidly in her head and I can tell that was the last thing she thought I was going to say. There’s a lot I could tell her about myself that would create the same reaction, but I think it’s best to start out small.
“Oh.” She responds, and it makes me laugh.
“Look at that, you can be speechless.”
A broad smile comes across her face and she pushes me lightly. “I’m just surprised. I didn’t expect that.”
“No one else knows.” I pause and correct myself. “Well, no one here at least.”
“Not even Bree?” She sounds surprised.
“Not even Bree.”
Lying down next to me once more, she looks back up at the sky. I almost think the conversation is over, until I hear her soft voice again. “Thank you for telling me.”
Her words cause butterflies in my stomach. Maybe we’re getting somewhere. “Thank you for listening.” We both go back into being q
uiet, but I’m not willing to let this moment end. “Do you ever wonder if the stars have names?”
“What?” She giggles. “I mean there’s the Big Dipper and all that.”
“No. Not the constellations. The stars themselves.” I find the brightest one I can find and point to it. “Like that one, right near the moon, that one should be named Curtis.”
“Curtis?! Out of all the names, you pick Curtis?”
I smile at her amusement. “Yes. Can you think of one better?”
She ponders it for a moment and then smiles. “Lloyd.”
A small laugh bubbles out of my mouth. “No. That one is Lloyd.” I point to the one next to it. “Curtis and Lloyd sound like the best of friends.”
“Oh definitely. They do all the fun star things together.” She looks around the sky until she finds the one she wants. “That one right there, that’s Holden.”
I smile. “Oh yeah? Then which one is Kayleigh?”
Her head turns to the other side of the sky and points to the one furthest away. “That one.”
“Ouch, and here I thought we were getting along.” I joke.
She rolls her eyes playfully. “Fine, that one.” She points to one in the middle of the original distance. So, I am making progress.
We name the two that are near mine Brandon and Brianna, and she names the one closest to hers Emily. The one in the dead center between my star and hers, I name Charlotte. Kayleigh’s eyes study the side of my face intently but I don’t look at her. I don’t want her to ask why I picked that name. I think she senses my reluctance, because she stays quiet.
Just as the sky begins to lighten, we walk back to her dorm. Neither of us have enough energy to run. I think we’re both surprised we stayed out so late. The walk is quiet, but comfortable. When we get inside, Bree is still asleep in her bed.
“Goodnight Kayleigh.” I whisper.
I don’t miss the smile she can’t seem to fight off. “Goodnight Holden.”
Slipping back into my place behind my girlfriend, I doze off instantly – thanking my mom for always knowing what’s best for me.
I WAKE UP JUST before eleven to an empty bed. Bree left a note on her nightstand, letting me know she went to class and then she’s going to Taylor’s. I assume it’s because Caleb finally broke up with her. A grin spreads across my face as I remember the events of last night. Kayleigh and I actually had a conversation – one that lasted hours and wasn’t mandatory. The sight of her smile and sound of her laugh are burned into my mind.
I glance over to see she’s still asleep in her bed. Now that I think about it, I was around her most of the day yesterday and I don’t remember seeing her eat anything. Despite seeming completely forced into it, she did agree to let me help her.
Getting up from the bed, I’m careful not to make any noise. I slip on my shoes and grab my keys before heading out the door. The coffee house closest to campus is the first place I think to go. It’s not as crowded as I thought it would be, but then again, classes are in session right now. I was going to go, before I spent most of the night with Kayleigh.