Page 78 of Awakened in September (Sleepless November Saga 4)

I shrug. “Would you believe me if I said yeah?”

“Not for a second.”

It goes quiet for a moment before I have the guts to ask the question I’ve been dying to know the answer to. “How is she?”

He frowns down at the ground before looking back at me. “She’s… well, to be honest, she’s a mess. She looks like she hasn’t slept and she doesn’t have the same witty personality she normally does.”

“That makes two of us.” I answer sadly. The fact that I’ve caused her so much pain makes me feel like a piece of shit. “She deserves a lot better than me.”

Dawson runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. “I really hope it works out for you. I’ve got to get to class.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” I mumble, giving him one last pitiful smile before walking away.

“Holden.” He calls. I stop and turn around. “Come to Dolce after closing tonight. I’ll see what I can do.”

For the first time in two days, a wide smile plasters across my face. I nod enthusiastically and shout back a thank you. As I continue my walk back to my car, I can’t help but feel hopeful. Tonight, I’m finally going to see Kayleigh again, and with Dawson’s help, she just might talk to me.

TO SAY I’M NERVOUS would be the understatement of the century. I’m sitting in my car outside the coffee house, bouncing my knee and trying to build up the courage to go inside. The weather matches my mood as the rain pounds down on my windshield. What if she still won’t talk to me? Or worse, what if she tells me she never wants to see me again? I’ll leave here even more broken than I am now. Maybe I should just go home. I could wait for her to come to me, though that time may never come.

My eyes catch sight of her walking by the oversized window and my heart lurches. Regardless of how scared I am, I know I can’t leave without saying something to her. It’s been far too long since I’ve heard her soft-spoken voice. I take the key out of the ignition and force myself out of the car, hurriedly running to the door. As I step inside, Kayleigh’s back is to me, but I can tell by the expression on Dawson’s face, she’s giving him a harsh glare. He raises his hands defensively.

“I’m sorry, okay? It’s just, you’re both completely miserable and I really think you need to talk.”

Time stands still as I wait for her to turn around, but after what feels like a lifetime, she does. Her eyes rack over me and she unconsciously takes her bottom lip between her teeth. I allow myself take to in her appearance as well. Dawson was right. She looks exhausted. I haven’t seen her like this since the time her mom came to visit unexpectedly. It breaks my heart.

“Hi.” She whispers.

Dawson mumbles something I don’t think either one of us pays any attention to and then disappears through the door he was just standing in front of. I motion towards the couch.

“Can we sit?” Thankfully, she nods and I follow her over – sitting next to her but still giving her space. “I’m so sorry. You have to know, I never meant for that to happen.”

“But it did happen.” She spits but not with as much venom as I deserve. “We had an agreement. No kissing other people. I mean, if you want to hook up with someone else, then that’s your choice. It’s not like we’re together, but…”

I can’t listen to any more. That’s not at all what I want. Why can’t she see that she’s the only person I want to kiss? Hell, she’s the only person I want to talk to most days.

“Don’t.” I cut her off. “Don’t downplay what we have. You and I both know it’s more than just friends with benefits.”

Her whole body relaxes a little and her voice becomes small. “Then why? Why her? I was in the next room. If you really needed to shove your tongue down someone’s throat you could have just come to me.”

My eyes drop down to my hands as I let her words sink in. I just need to be honest with her. Maybe she will understand. I take a deep breath before opening my mouth.

“I got really drunk.” I start. “I was upset about missing my parents. It happens every year around the holidays.” A lump builds in my throat but I swallow it down. “I sat down on the couch and waited for you. A girl jumped into my lap and kissed me, and in my drunken state I thought she was you.”

She gives me a knowing look and a dry laugh leaves her mouth. “Really Holden? Blaming it on the alcohol?”

I shake my head quickly. “No. I’m blaming no one and nothing but myself. I made a colossal mistake. I just want to make it better.” By the end, it sounds like I’m begging, but if that’s what it takes to get her back – I’ll do it without shame.

“And how are you going to do that?”

“By showing you how much you mean to me.” I pause. This is my shot – my one chance where she’s actually listening. “I’ve never felt anything close to the way I feel about you. You’re the one person I can spend every waking moment around and still feel like I need more. I can’t get close enough to you, no matter how hard I try. When I’m with you, I come alive – and when I’m not, my heart hurts.” I watch as she her expression turns to one of doubt instead of the smile I was hoping for. “I’m not asking for you to forgive and forget.” My lip starts to quiver. Fuck, stay calm. “I’m just asking for a chance to show you how serious I am about you.”

I finish my rant and all I can do is wait for her to respond. I poured my heart out and there’s nothing left to say. I can see her thinking it over. It feels like hours pass before she speaks.

“I can’t just jump into a relationship with you.” She replies softly, and my heart drops. “Not yet.”

“Yet?” Everything in me perks up at that one little word.

That smile I’ve been dying to see finally shows on her gorgeous face. “You have a lot of making up to do.”

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