Page 77 of Awakened in September (Sleepless November Saga 4)

“Woah! Dude, calm down!” Jesse comes rushing in, stopping me from shattering my bedroom mirror. He wraps his arms tightly around me and pulls me down to the floor. “What the hell happened?”

“I ruined it.” My voice sounds so weak and pathetic. “She’s the only person in the world that I want to be with, and I fucking ruined it.”

“Ah.” He says in realization. “Caleb told me about what happened last night. That’s rough. Have you tried talking to her?”

I nod. “I found her at her dorm. She would barely look at me, let alone talk about what happened.”

“Maybe she was still angry. You should try again.”

I pick my cracked phone up off the floor and look at the time. She should be halfway through her shift by now. At least at her job she can’t yell at me. I sort through the shambolic remains of my bedroom and manage to find my keys. Jesse’s right. I need to try again.

When I get to the coffee house, I stop outside for a second to admire Kayleigh through the window. She’s so beautiful that it’s unfair to everything else in the world. Nothing can ever compare to her and she doesn’t even realize it.

I’m so wrapped up in checking her out, that I almost miss when her eyes meet mine. She looks conflicted as I open the door and step inside. Unfortunately, by the time I get up to the counter, Dawson is standing there instead.

“Holden, you need to leave.” He’s trying to be gentle yet firm.

“I just need to talk to her.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

My fingers lace into my hair and I pull in frustration. “She needs to know what happened. Did you tell her what happened?!”

He shakes his head. “No. I haven’t had a chance, but you’re not doing any good by being here.”

I can’t just walk out of here. I need to hear her voice, even if I don’t like what she’s telling me. I need her to look in my eyes and say something to me – anything.

“I want her to tell me to leave. If she tells me to leave, I’ll leave.”

My expression must tell him that I’m not going to budge because he sighs and walks over to Kayleigh. He caresses her shoulder lovingly and whispers something. A few seconds later, she’s walking over to me.

“Kayleigh.” I breathe.

“You need to leave, Holden.” She says, sounding almost robotic. “I want you to leave.”

Every time I hear those words in her voice, my heart breaks a little more. There’s something about the way she’s saying it, though. It gives me a little bit of hope that she won’t hate me forever. She’s just hurting right now. I hurt her, and now I need to deal with the consequences of that – whether I like it or not.

“Please. Just leave.” Her tone shows me she’s barely holding it together.

I do my best to keep myself from breaking as I nod and turn around to go back out the door. Just before I climb into my car, I glance at her one last time and see she’s already looking at me. I give her a sad smile and get inside, pulling away as soon as the engine roars to life. I really hope she won’t hate me forever.

Chapter Twenty Three

Two days of loneliness. Forty-eight hours of missing her. 2,880 minutes of wishing she were by my side like she has been for the past month and a half. She hasn’t said a word to me – not even a simple text. I’ve tried to give her space like everyone tells me I should, but it’s really difficult. My body craves her touch. I haven’t slept a wink since Friday. My bed feels too empty without her. I’ve even refrained from drinking through the pain. The last thing I want is to risk hooking up with someone else and making her hate me more than she already does.

The only benefit to the situation is that the pain of missing my parents is masked over by the intense need to have Kayleigh back. My every thought is consumed by her. It’s probably one of the unhealthiest things I’ve ever felt but I can’t help it. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want her, and I can’t help but mentally abuse myself for fucking it up.

“Alright. You all know what to do.” The professor snaps me out o

f my thoughts. “Class dismissed.”

I missed every word he said for the entire lecture. As I walk out the door, the look he gives me lets me know he’s aware of it. Whatever. He’s lucky I even came to this stupid class. If finals weren’t coming up, I probably would have skipped. Speaking of… I wonder if that’s what Kayleigh is going to do with our sociology tomorrow morning. If she does come, do I ignore her or do I sit next to her like I have been? I groan audibly, wondering why this has to be so complicated. I wish I could go back to Friday night and choose to go talk to her instead of drinking away my thoughts.

Walking down the sidewalk, I’m hardly paying any attention when I knock directly into someone, their books falling onto the ground.

“Shit. I’m so sorry.” I bend down to help pick them up when I notice the familiar face. “Oh. Hey Dawson.”

“Hey. You alright?” He eyes me carefully.

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