Page 102 of Awakened in September (Sleepless November Saga 4)

“I don’t know. I didn’t even think he’d still be in Rhode Island. I thought he would have gone home by now.”

She chuckles. “Kayleigh, he loves you. Of course, he’s not going to just go home as if nothing happened.”

“He shouldn’t love me.” She sounds sad but honest. “I’m the worst person ever. I said such horrible things to him.”

“You were upset and scared. I’m sure he would understand.”

It’s quiet for a minute, almost making me wonder if she hung up, but then she sighs. “I can’t. I’m not ready to see him yet. I need space.”

“Well if not now, then when?”

“I don’t know!” She shouts exasperatedly. “Maybe not ever.”

“Kayleigh.”

“No, Em. I-I just can’t. I’m sorry. I have to go.”

The call ends and Emily runs her hands over her face. “I’m sorry.”

I shake my head. “Don’t be. You tried.”

The only thing that filters through my mind is the sound of her voice when she said she needs space, and well, what Kayleigh wants Kayleigh gets.

Chapter Thirty

It’s been two weeks since she last said a single word to me, and after her conversation with Emily yesterday, I’m not sure she’ll ever talk to me again. The only thing that keeps running through my head is that she wants space. Life is hard enough for her right now and the last thing I want is to be doing is making it worse.

“Hey Holden.” John greets me as I come downstairs. “How are you today?”

I shrug. “If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to try visiting Kayleigh once more. If she still doesn’t want to see me, I’m going to head home tomorrow morning.”

“Wow.” He looks surprised. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yeah. She’s allowed to be mad at me right now. She shouldn’t be worrying about needing to turn down my attempts to visit.”

“Okay, well whatever you think is best.”

Later that day, I get myself dressed and drive over to the rehab center alone. Her parents decided it would be best for just me to come instead of it being awkward with the three of us. I guess they were hoping she would be more inclined to see me if they weren’t there. Unfortunately, they were wrong. The nurse came out with the same sad look on her face, telling me that Kayleigh wasn’t feeling up for visitors at the moment. It’s the polite way to say ‘leave, she doesn’t want you here’.

I let my head fall and make my way back to her house. The time of my arrival is enough to tell John and Jessica that she didn’t accept my visit. I don’t need to explain as I go upstairs and pack my stuff up. If it were up to me, I’d spend every second of this summer vacation at her side, helping her through every single hurdle to recovery – but it’s not. She doesn’t want me near her right now and I need to respect that.

THAT NIGHT, ONCE EVERYONE is asleep, I make my last trip to the facility. As I walk in the door, the nurse grins brightly, going around to allow me into the secured part of the building. I thank her and follow her back to the room for the last time.

Kayleigh’s sleeping peacefully on the bed. She may have only been here for two weeks so far, but I can already see some progress. Her eyes aren’t as sunken in as they were before and her complexion isn’t as pale. She’s starting to look like herself again.

I spend a little more time than I normally would, and as I lean down to kiss her forehead I’m careful not to let my tears drip onto her face.

“I love you, Kayleigh, and I’m so sorry.” I whisper. She stirs but doesn’t wake.

The nurse and I go back to the front desk. She eyes me curiously when I lean against the counter instead of leaving. I use my sleeves to wipe my eyes and give her a rather pitiful looking smile.

“I’m heading home tomorrow morning.” I tell her.

She furrows her eyebrows. “Oh no. Are you sure?”

“Yeah. She doesn’t want me here.” I shrug.

“Aw, Holden. She’s just going through a lot right now. She loves you. I know she does.”

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