Bree and I stick together for most of the night, that is, until she starts talking to a guy named Shawn. He’s tall and muscular, but he’s more of a bookworm than a jock. She seems to instantly swoon when he gives her attention, and it doesn’t take long for me to start feeling alone.
“Nice collarbones.” A girl who is perfectly petite compliments me.
I narrow my eyes slightly, wondering what kind of person would say something so random. She gestures toward my wrist. I look down and immediately see what she’s referring to – the purple bracelet Holden got me. The proceeds went to Eating Disorder Awareness. When I wince and pull my sleeve over the bracelet, she puts her arm out, showing she has one as well.
“Ah.” I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing she isn’t going to judge me.
“How long?” She questions.
“About three years. You?”
“Five. I’ve recovered twice but still always mange to get wrapped back up in it.”
I nod, understanding where she is coming from. “I’m in and out of recovery now. My boyfriend found out and watches me like a hawk.”
“Oh, that blows.”
“Tell me about it. Between work, school, and Holden – I barely have time to breathe.”
Her eyes widen. “Holden? As in Holden Rivers?”
My breath hitches, instantly realizing I shouldn’t have said anything. “Mhm.”
She looks around but then chuckles. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell. Just, don’t let that information get around. You’ll have guys trying to sleep with you just to spite him.”
Regardless of the bad feeling I first had about this chick, she seems cool. I could see her and I being friends.
“I’m Kayleigh.”
“Jade.”
The two of us spend the next hour or so talking. I only take my attention away from her when Bree lets me know she and Shawn are going out back. Once she walks away, I return to our conversation.
“I’d be so much better at restricting if I didn’t like food so much.” I complain, pushing the bowl of chips away from me.
She laughs, knowing the feeling. “Have you tried any kind of appetite suppressants?”
“A couple. I’ve tried like Green Tea Extract and Ginseng pills.”
She giggles. “No babe, I mean like coke.”
“Oh.” I respond, suddenly intrigued. “No. Does it work?”
“Better than anything I’ve ever had.” Now that I’m paying closer attention, her eyes are glazed over. “You want to try it?”
The logic in me is screaming no, with flashing red lights and sirens going off all over the place – but the broken parts of me want it. They want it so badly that I start to consider it.
This is what college is about, isn’t it? Experience?
I don’t know what comes over me, but I find myself nodding and following Jade into the bathroom. She pours the white substance onto the counter, using a credit card to shape two small lines. She takes a ten dollar bill out of her pocket and rolls it up.
“Just do what I do, okay?”
Chapter Twenty Five
The days blend together – winter becoming spring in the blink of an eye. I guess that’s what happens when you spend your days withdrawing and your nights high on cocaine. Somehow, I’ve managed to hide it from both Holden and Dawson. Between spending some nights out with Bree, and others with Jade - Holden and I haven’t spent nearly as much time together as we used to.
At one point, he got angry about it. The two of us ended up having what was probably the biggest argument we’ve had to date.