Page 59 of Sleepless November (Sleepless November Saga 1)

He smirks, sending me a wink before pulling away. I know I had originally planned not to rush back into this, but if that’s what it takes to keep my relapse a secret, so be it. Besides, sex burns calories.

As soon as we get to the house, Holden practically runs into the house. I don’t blame him. It feels like it’s cold enough to snow outside, and he’s in a t-shirt. I follow behind him, burrowing my face into the sweatshirt. It smells like him, and I’m quickly learning it’s one of my favorite scents.

“Kayleigh!” Caleb yells from where he sits on the couch.

I giggle at his excitement. “Hey.”

“We’ve missed you around here.”

He starts asking me about finals and what I’ve been up to. I somewhat expect for Holden to get jealous, but if he does, he doesn’t mention it. He reaches forward to gently grab my hand, playing with my fingers as he waits patiently for me to get done talking. After a few more minutes, I say goodbye to Caleb and the two of us head upstairs.

“You two seem close.” He says as soon as he shuts his bedroom door.

I raise my eyebrows, wondering where he’s going with this. When he frowns, I know he needs the reassurance. “We’re just friends.” I whisper. He sits on his dresser and takes a deep breath. I walk over and stand in between his legs, putting my hands on his face. “Seriously, we’re friends. That’s it.”

His eyes search mine for something unbeknownst to me. “Tell me I’m not alone in this.”

My head tilts slightly to the side. “Alone in what?”

“This.” He motions between us. “Feeling like the stars shine a little bit brighter now that you’re in my life. Like fate, destiny, and divine intervention all aligned perfectly to put you and I together. Like I’m finally seeing clearly for the first time in my life. I need to know that this isn’t one sided. I know you need time, and I’m not rushing you. I just need to know that you feel the same way.”

I lean forward, pressing my lips to his as I let his words sink in. “You’re not alone. Not even a little, I promise.” I answer honestly.

He pulls me closer, reattaching our lips and sinking his fingers into my hair. The kiss isn’t rushed or heated, but it is intense. No matter how close we are to each other, both of us try to get closer. I feel like I could live inside his chest and it still wouldn’t be enough.

That night, after Holden drops me off, I fall asleep with a smile on my face. Though, part of that could be because I got away with my relapse for another day. I know it won’t last forever. I just hope he doesn’t hate me when he finds out.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN he would be able to read right through me. After two days of distracting Holden with sex, he finally realizes that he hasn’t seen me eat anything since the last time I slept over.

“Come on, get dressed.” He says.

I groan, throwing my head back like a child. “Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

“Where are we going?”

He studies my face as the words leave his mouth. “Out to breakfast.”

I suck in a quick breath and then wince, knowing I already gave it away. I could probably get away with it if I just agree to go. Maybe I could even choose something low calorie off the menu, like egg whites or something.

Who am I kidding? This is Holden. The same guy who made me eat pizza on day five of my recovery. I’m supposed to be two months in by now. He’ll definitely know something is up.

“I don’t want to.” I whisper.

He sighs. “I thought you might say that.” Holden reaches into a bag on the desk, pulling out a muffin – and it’s déjà vu all over again. “Eat this.”

I eye it carefully, feeling my anxiety building in the back of my mind. It’s just a muffin. It’s just a muffin. It’s just a muffin. I repeat it like a mantra in my head, hoping if I say it enough, I’ll believe it. However, as I go to take a bite, I stop. Holden’s head drops as soon as I do.

“How long?” He questions, sitting down on my bed.

Biting my lip, I quickly try to rack my brain for any possible way to get out of this. Nothing. “Since the party.”

He looks up at the ceiling and exhales a long breath. “Why?”

Oh god. This isn’t going to be pretty.

“I don’t know.” I lie, but he doesn’t buy it.

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