Page 5 of Roommate on the Way (Life in the Brohouse 8)

I can just hear my grandmother scolding me, telling me I look like one of those hooligans stealing cigarettes from the convenience store across the street. Thinking about her brings a smile to my face, and I realize for the first time this entire summer that I miss her more than I ever admitted—her wrinkled face, her sun-spotted hands kneading bread, the way she always knows what to say, and advice to give.

I really should get a haircut before I go back home. If I have the money and the vacation time to visit home. I run my fingers through my hair, pushing the strands away from my face. My other hand remains fastened to Alex, sitting next to me with a dopey smile on his face. I don't know why he looks so happy. Our dreams have been utterly destroyed, perhaps for good this time. These past two months were wasted. We survived camp only to discover we were not the best of the best. It was like a sucker punch to the gut. It took my breath away. After all these years of training, waking up early, dieting, doing everything I physically and mentally can to prepare myself for the Olympics, to be something of worth. All of it was for nothing.

Glancing Alex's way, I suppose he's always been the glass half full kind of guy. He looks handsome in the sunlight. His hair looks almost orange. Not the best color for him, but Alex can probably shave his head and still look handsome. His blonde roots are beginning to show. Knowing him, I'm surprised he didn't bring any dye to camp.

His thumb strokes the top of my hand, drawing my attention away from his hair and to the other bus riders amongst us. We're the only ones sitting in the back, but still, you never know. There could be mirrors. People always have a way of finding things out. Not that this group of people will care all that much. Maybe. There's an elderly couple sitting diagonally from us. The elderly woman is sleeping with her head resting on her partner's shoulder, who is busy with his phone. There's another man sitting a couple seats in front of us and a group of girls sitting near the front.

No one is looking our way, but I still worry. It's not that I hate holding his hand. I love it. It makes my heart flutter and makes me think all the obnoxiously stereotypical lovey-dovey things people in love usually think. Not that I'm in love with Alex. We just… enjoy each other's company. That's it. So, yes, I like holding Alex's hand, but I don't want to deal with the aftermath. I don't want Mike or the others finding out. And there's no fucking way I will ever tell Hunter and Lucas. Most likely, this thing will end before it ever gets to that point.

I grimace at that thought. I don't want things to end with Alex, but where can our relationship go? Especially since we're both dating Rachel? She's fine with it, but I'm still not so sure how I feel, and Alex may only be satiating his curiosity. I press my head against the window, gazing at the trees yet not seeing them. My hand in Alex's tightens, the memories from camp both enticing and plaguing me.

We shared a cabin together at camp. I should have seen it as a bad sign. Instead, I saw it as a blessing—excited to spend some alone time with Alex. Oh, and there was alone time. We didn't have any roommates. There were only two beds sitting on either side of the small cabin, one bathroom, a small shower, and Alex. I clench my jaw, biting back the moan threatening to erupt as I remember our nights together. The first night we behaved. I slept in my bed, he in his, but as camp went on, our desires for more grew. I can still feel his lips on mine, his hands in my hair, his mouth touching every inch of my skin. I shiver just thinking about it. My legs fidget, trying to cover up my hardening cock. I shouldn't be thinking about this. This thing between us is the reason why neither of us got on the Olympics teams. We allowed our desires to stand in our way. Our free time should have been spent running, weight training, and swimming, at the very least. Instead, we spent it locked inside our cabin, spending that time in bed.

My mind takes me to last night, after discovering our fates. I remember running back to the cabin when I couldn't find my name on the bulletin board, slamming the cabin door shut, and pacing back and forth.

"Fuck," I said, running my hands through my hair, shaking my head. This wasn't supposed to happen. I got into the camp. I ran my ass off. I gave it my all. Wasn't this supposed to be my big break?

"Seth?" Alex's shouts wafted through the cabin.

I whirled around, scowling at the door, debating whether or not to lock it. That would probably come off too dramatic, so I cemented my feet to the floor, watching that stupid wooden door open. Alex poked his head inside, his gaze worried, his teeth kneading his bottom lip. I remembered thinking he was going to give himself a sore if he kept doing that and how much I hated myself for concerning myself with him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, quickly closing the door behind him.

"What do you think?" I asked angrily, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice.

His long sigh and that pathetically pitiful face only made me angrier.

"No, I'm not okay," I said, throwing my hands in the air. "I worked my ass off, and I still suck."

"Seth, I didn't get in either."

I stepped back when Alex stepped toward me, my gaze narrowing on him. "Stop it," I breathed, holding my hands up in a stupid attempt to keep him away from me. I didn't want to have a talk about my feelings. I didn't want him to pull me into his arms and kiss me, tell me everything was going to be okay.

But at the same time, that was all I wanted.

Alex sighed, his shoulders slumping forward, his gaze drifting to the floor, looking defeated. "Come on, Seth. It sucks, but at least we tried. At least we know that we're not cut out for the Olympics. At least, not now. You can still train. There will be more opportunities."

"No." I shook my head. "There won't be. If it's not now, it won't ever happen. My body will only age, get worse with time." I clamp my eyes shut to keep the tears from flowing. "I'm done."

"Seth." I flinched at Alex's touch—his hand taking mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Look at it this way: when one door closes, another opens."

I scoffed at how cheesy that sounds. "Okay," I whispered, taking in a deep breath to calm the sobs inside me. All I wanted to do was throw myself to the floor and wail, cry my eyes out until I could no longer see—until all the tears inside me had dried up. I couldn't with Alex watching me. What would he think of me if he saw me like that? Would he think me weak? Would he think any less of me?

My eyes opened, and I tugged him toward me, deciding to get over this whole fiasco of a day with something I knew we both could do very easily. "Fuck me," I whispered, claiming his mouth before he could say anything more about the fucking Olympics or my non-existent future.

As much as yesterday sucked, our time together was so good. This only furthers my belief that our relationship is what got in the way of the Olympics. I should have put all my energy into running, not kissing and fucking Alex. Now, I have no idea what to do with my life. Part of me is angry with Alex, but I have no one to blame but myself. I could have told him no. I could have emphasized my need to focus.

"Look! It's Hunter!" Alex shouts while jamming his finger toward the window next to me, nearly poking my nose.

I grab my bag from the floor and follow Alex toward the front. The girls in the front slide out of their seats while the bus slows and pulls into the stop. As soon as the doors open, I groan, feeling the breeze sweep inside. It's not much cooler, but it's better than the nauseating stench I've had to put up with for the past hour.

"Hey, man!" Alex shouts, bolting down the stairs and toward our ride.

How is he always so perky? I will never understand it. I watch Alex clap Hunter on the back. Hunter is kind enough to take his bag while I trudge to the back of the car, not caring to catch up right now. All I want to do is go home and see Rachel. I used to think two weeks away from her was terrible. Two months is absolutely unbearable.

"How was it?" Hunter asks while sliding into the front seat.

Alex moves into the passenger seat next to him while I take the back. I'm happy to have Alex answer that question. If I start speaking about camp, I may just break down.

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