Page 58 of Queen of Anarchy (Dirty Broken Savages 2)

21

Gage

“Well, that was a bust,”Ash says, leaning back in the passenger seat of my car. He has one foot kicked up onto the dash, acting like he owns the place while he flips a quarter over and over again in his hands.

My fingers tighten on the steering wheel. The urge to lash out is strong, but I take a deep breath and let it out slowly instead.

It’s not Ash’s fault that shit isn’t working out.

He’s out there looking for answers the same as the rest of us, and I know his flippant attitude is just his way of dealing with things not working out the way we all wanted them to.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.

“A waste of time,” I agree finally, pulling into the driveway of our house.

“Not totally,” Ash counters. “One more name to cross off the list.”

He means well, and that’s a plus, but there’s no comfort in it. We’ve been crossing names off the guest list for well over a week now, and we don’t have anything to show for it. Knowing everyone whodoesn’thave anything to do with Ivan’s body being put on display like a prized piece of meat isn’t exactly helpful when we want to know who’s behind it and what they want.

I’m agitated, and I can feel it dancing under my skin. It makes me antsy, the rage that usually simmers in me much closer to the surface than I like.

River has been the same way lately. I’ve been able to feel it in her when we talk and in the way she stalks around the house, like she’s looking for something she can’t find.

As much as I would have hated to admit it when we first met, we’re pretty similar. And I recognize enough of myself in her to know that even though she might have come down from the ledge, she’s still not in a good place.

Ivan’s death is still fresh, all things considered, and the blow of finding out that killing him doesn’t make the demons go away is still fairly new for her. Even though she’s not as keyed up as she was when I found her cutting into her leg, she’s still got that haunted look on her face more often than not.

I’ve offered to track down her leads with her, to give her someone to talk to—to make sure she’s not dealing with it alone. But she always turns me down.

We’re all grinding hard on this, trying to figure it out before it blows up in our faces, and I want answers.

I want to make sure this isn’t going to fuck up everything my brothers and I have worked for all these years, but I also want answers for River.

I want to be able to present them to her on a silver platter. Along with a few heads if need be. To take that look off her face and make her feel better. I want to beat back her demons with my bare hands if I have to. Deep down, I know that’s not even close to being how this shit works, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting it.

“Hey.” Ash’s voice catches my attention. He flips the coin in the air and then snatches it up before sliding it back into his pocket. “We’ll figure it out.”

It’s easy to forget that Ash is just as good at reading people as the rest of us. He’s been a part of our brotherhood for long enough that he sees us the way we see him, and he can probably tell that I’m unsettled and not happy.

“Yeah,” I reply. “We will. We have to. There’s no other choice.”

“Lots of other choices,” he says with a shrug. “Just none we’re willing to accept. That part matters.”

I nod at him and he flashes me a grin before popping his door open and getting out of the car. I follow and we head inside the house.

The unsettled feeling doesn’t go away, and all I really want to do is go find River and bury my face in her hair.

I want to binge on her scent, both the slightly fruity scent of whatever she uses in her hair, and her natural scent. Sharp and soft at the same time, and ridiculously addicting. Because that’s what it is. I’m becoming addicted to her, and I can’t deny it any longer. I don’t really want to.

She’s let me see so much of her, and I’ve shown her more than I’ve ever shown anyone who isn’t one of the three other men I trust with my life. That can’t be undone, and even if it could be, I don’t think I’d want to.

She’s a part of this. One of us.

That fact is even more apparent when her dog comes running from the kitchen to greet us when we finally get back home, barking joyfully. There was a time when I would have wanted to kick it away from me, pissed off that he’s even in the house to begin with, but now it’s just a part of having River here, and we’re all used to it.

Ash grins and bends down to pet the dog, rubbing behind his big brown ears, which gets him a look of total adoration.

“There you are, King Tut,” he says. “Did you miss us? Aww, I bet you did.”

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