18

River

My heart beatsa furious rhythm in my chest as Gage’s cock gives one last pulse inside me. I can feel the sweat cooling on my skin, and my body is pleasantly sore. As soon as he pulls out of me, we collapse on the bed, lying close to each other, and I listen as his breathing gradually slows down and returns to normal.

I’m not used to this. Sticking around after sex, lying side by side with the other person while they come down with me. But I don’t hate it.

“You were right,” I murmur, breaking the silence after a bit. “The demons aren’t gone just because I killed Ivan and crossed off the last name. But… I don’t know how to conquer my demons. How to banish them.”

“I don’t either,” Gage admits. “My dad died years ago. Basically drank himself to death. But knowing he’s not walking the earth anymore doesn’t always keep the demons from haunting me.”

“What happened?” I ask, wondering if he’ll tell me.

He’s quiet for a few seconds, and I stay still and silent, giving him a chance to decide whether or not to answer.

After another moment, he sighs and speaks again.

“My old man was a drunk. He beat the shit out of me and my mom all the time. Whenever he was mad. Whenever he was out of booze. Whenever he fucking felt like it, basically. He’d scream and yell, call us all kinds of shit. He made sure we knew we were nothing to him, and he treated us just like that. I hated him so fucking much, but I was pretty close with my mom. I… loved her a lot.”

“Did he kill her?”

Gage shakes his head. “She died of an overdose when I was ten, and things just… got worse after that. Meredith used to let me come stay with her, when things were really bad at home, but even that wasn’t enough once Mom died. I ran away not long after. Tried to keep in touch with Meredith when I could, and I started taking care of her when I was stronger and in a position to do so.”

That explains a lot about what I saw when we were at her place. “I could tell you two were pretty close.”

“She was the only one looking out for me, pretty much,” Gage explains. “I felt like I owed it to her to be there for her. And I just wanted to. Even after all this time, I wish I’d been the one to kill my dad. I wish I’d gotten to stand over him and make him feel as weak and small and worthless as he always made me feel. I wish it had been me, and not just his shitty liver that did him in in the end. But I know that even if I had gotten what I wanted, I’d still have the demons. Killing him wouldn’t have erased what he did to me. It wouldn’t turn back time and make it all better. That’s not how it works. The demons aren’t easy to get rid of.”

I roll over so I can push up onto one elbow and look down at him. His face isn’t as closed off as I would have expected. He looks… tired, but open, and I lean down and kiss him.

Gage kisses me back, reaching for me so he can pull me down against him. Neither of us is great with words, but the kiss says more than we ever could or would say out loud. I hum into it, and he swipes his tongue against the seam of my lips, coaxing me to part them so he can press his tongue inside my mouth.

We kiss like that for a while, hot and slow and so deep that it feels like I could drown in it, until we need to breathe and finally break apart.

“Well.” I bite my bottom lip, tasting Gage on my skin. “So much for that deal we made, I guess.”

He snorts. “It’s definitely too late for that now.”

It looks like he wants to say something else, but instead, he just reaches out and tucks a lock of my sex-tangled silver hair behind my ear. I lean into his touch a little, shutting down the part of my mind that says this is too intimate, toocomfortable. I feel a bit like a cat as I nuzzle against his hand, and he catches my chin and tugs my face closer to his for another kiss.

As our lips meet, my stomach gives a loud, rolling grumble. Gage chuckles, his mouth curving into a smile against mine.

“Hungry?”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Come on. Let’s get you something to eat.”

He slaps my ass lightly, then rolls out of bed and throws his clothes back on. I haven’t felt hungry since the gala, not really, so it’s nice to actually want to eat again. I get dressed too, and we head downstairs to find something for dinner.

Ash and Priest are down there in the kitchen, and they both look up when we enter. Ash grins that shit eating grin of his, leaning one elbow on the kitchen table and fluttering his eyelashes at us.

“I heard the mostinterestingsounds coming from upstairs,” he teases. “Sounded like someone was dying, so it must have been good.”

Gage just rolls his eyes and gives Ash the finger. I glance at Priest, but if he has any feelings about what Ash is implying, it’s impossible to tell. His face is as hard to read as it always is, and he keeps eating like nothing out of the ordinary is happening around him.

I cross to the fridge and take out some leftovers, popping them in the microwave because I don’t have the energy to cook something fresh. As Gage starts putting together a sandwich, the front door opens, letting Knox in.

“How did it go?” Gage asks, glancing over at the massive, tattooed man when he comes in.