Page 108 of My Kind of Monster

Chapter 29

SUKI

The men spent most of the morning on the roof, fixing some loose shingles and some other things I wasn’t particularly interested in. I, on the other hand, spent the morning finalizing my plan. It turned out that the snowstorm missed us completely and after lunch Connor is going back home to Bear Creek. He plans on coming back, most likely to help Niklas with Adrien, but I do not plan on being here then.

The small carry on suitcase is ready, hidden under the bed of what used to be my bedroom, yet my plan depends on Connor's need to take two trips to the helicopter. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it, but I will.

I could have told him about this, maybe he would have helped me, but somehow... I doubt he would. Not because he does not want to, but because he trusts his friend and for some reason they both seem to be on the same page. It scares me that there are two people now that seem to anticipate my future, yet I am not one of them.

This mountain feels like a sanctuary for forsaken souls and I can't give in and be one of them. I hear my mother’s words in my head every time I think of Adrien, every time I see the monster within Niklas grinning at me in approval.

Yes, I told Niklas about the nightmares, about how much that man scares me, but he is not the thing that scares me the most. Oh, no... what scares me the most is me. I dream of slicing pieces of his skin and burning them as he watches. I dream of peeling off his flesh, his fat, his muscles, until I uncover bones, then I break them. One by one. Slowly. I dream of cutting his balls, gagging him with them and slicing his dick like just like you butterfly a chicken breast. I dream of so much more—violence, blood, and so much pleasure. I dream of crimson waters surrounded by beautiful white mountains and my naked body emerging from them, leaving bloody footprints through the snow as I take my rightful place on Niklas' side on a throne of mangled dead bodies.

I dream of death, chaos, and destruction. All at my hand.

And when I wake up smiling, nearing an orgasm created by the lustful blood lust of these dreams, I hear my mother’s voice in my head.One day you will understand, Suki. One day the demons will sing for you too. The demons sang the day her blood pooled at my feet from wounds of my own creation, yet I am afraid I cannot distinguish her demons from mine. How can I know for sure that mine are not the same as hers?

I do my best to keep calm for the rest of the time I am here with Niklas. It's not easy acting normal when my demons are wailing inside of me, mourning a loss that is not gone yet, but is about to be. At lunch, every time my eyes catch Niklas', slithers of my soul are being ripped away from me and pain replaces the void left behind. I am swallowing more screams than I am food.

Over and over, I turn my gaze to the view, hoping it will soothe me and make the pain subside, but it does not help. This view, this goddamn beautiful view makes me swallow tears that have not reached my eyes yet. I am pushing back waves upon waves of pain, and the burn in my heart is torture enough to convince me to stay. I charge through it all, because I need to find out if all of this is an illusion. Most of all, his monster watches me and with every quirk of his lips, I can feel my demons giving in. I have to get away, because I am not ready to find out this way whether my demons are hereditary or not.

Connor is upstairs, getting ready to leave, and I am standing in front of the kitchen window, leaning onto my hands that are resting on the sink. The air shifts, charged with fire that heats whatever is left of my soul. I see his reflection in the window, growing larger and larger, until he towers over me, a foot taller than my short frame. His hands go to my waist, he turns me around and two fingers grab my chin, bringing my eyes to his.

The ocean, the dark blue depths of the ocean pull me in. My breath hitches in my lungs. My skin breaks out in goosebumps. A cold shiver runs down my spine and stops where his hand is splayed on my lower back, but from there it spreads like wildfire into my core as he pushes me into his body. I allow myself to sink into this feeling, sink into his touch, sink into the eyes of the monster that makes me feel alive, that makes me feel like I belong, the one that urges me on.

Because this will be the last time.

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I know this was my choice, I know I decided that the best thing for me was to leave. So how come it hurts so much? Why does my heart ache? Why does my soul feel like it is being pulled apart? This is what I wanted. This is what I planned for since the moment I decided not to run away when he found me in the forest.

The distance between the helicopter and the mountain is getting bigger and the pain in my chest stronger. My lungs refuse to take in air and tears fill my eyes.

No. No!This is just in my head—paranoia. It is fear of the unknown.

“Suki, what the fuck are you doing?!” I hear Connor scream over the deafening sound of the helicopter.

Shit.

I peek from behind the cargo he carries in the back and he is staring right at me. Well, that was short lived. And here I was thinking I was being sneaky.

“Move your damn ass in here and strap in! Jesus Christ.”

I can barely hear what he is saying, but I walk towards the front, jump over the back of the seat, and sit down. I look at him, biting my lip like I used to do as a little girl when my dad caught me doing something bad.

“Under the seat!” he yells, pointing down under me. I reach under and touch something stashed there. Headphones. After figuring them out, the deafening sound of the helicopter is muted and I do not like it. All I can hear now is the demons in my mind bellowing, yelling, the brutal sound of my soul being ripped out of me.

“I didn’t know if you actually made it in or not.” I hear Connor's voice in the headphones.

“You knew?!”

“I’m a cop, Suki… and you hid your suitcase under the bed I was sleeping in.”

Well… fuck. I did, I just didn’t think he would have any business looking there. I shake my head at myself.

“What? When you stay over somewhere you never check under the bed to make sure you didn’t drop something?” He smiles at me, that cheeky grin that must melt all the women in Bear Creek.

“If you knew, how come you did not say anything to me or Niklas?”

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