Page 35 of The Mark (The Players 2)

“All I know was being her roommate was like living with a Broadway star.” She sighed happily then picked up a few pieces of the Cavatappi pasta onherfork.

I rolled my eyes. “Now, Harry, before you get the wrong idea. I was such a big star that no one besides Kate even spoke to me atschool.”

“They didn’t know how.” She shook her head and laughed. “She was so focused, so serious, everyone felt out of their league. Look at her.” She gestured to encompass all of me, from head to toe. “So intimidating. Sogorgeous.”

“I completely understand.” Harry grinned. “I was almost too shy to speak to her last night when we first met. She was dressed like a hooker, but then I found out she was an accountant. Neither role seems to suit her.” He studied me a moment. “You remind me of the old-time moviestars.”

“Right? I’ve always thought that. She has this quiet sophistication and understated glamour.” Katenodded.

“Why did you quit? Why aren’t you some big Broadway star?” Harry waited patiently for aresponse.

I set my fork down. I’d never really talked to anyone about this. Sadly, given everything happening with Drew, this might be the perspective they needed. “My mother was an alcoholic.” I stared at my food while I tried to figure out how to share such personal history. “After my step-father passed and his kids contested the will, my mother fell into a drunken stupor for a really long time. I kinda hated her for it, for leaving me to handle everything, for adding more to my plate. She needed so much supervision. She nearly drowned once in the hot tub. If I hadn’t gone to the kitchen to get a snack after studying until almost two in the morning, she would’ve.” I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes for amoment.

“Oh, Laney,” Harrymurmured.

My lids flew open. I knew he was about to touch me and I didn’t want it. I didn’t deserve his comfort, not after what I did. “Don’t, please. Let me finish.” I turnedtoKate.

She nodded. “Go on, Laney. We’lllisten.”

I licked my lips. “By the time she woke and sobered up the next day, I’d emptied the house of all alcohol. I’d spent hours searching the house for all the hidden bottles, cleaned out the liquor cabinet, found every secret stash.” I shook my head. “By the time I was done, pouring it all down the sink and recycling the glass, I’d filled an entire bin. I was sad and angry and so verytired.”

“You were barely eighteen,” Kate reminded megently.

“Yes. And I should’ve been smarter, should’ve been kinder.” I shook my head. “She woke and went through every stage of grief in a matter of hours. Denial while she searched for anything I might have missed. Acceptance while she planned how to attain more. Bargaining while she tried to get me to buy some. You gettheidea.”

Harry nodded. “Soundsfamiliar.”

“She kept telling me how much she needed it. According to her, alcohol made her funnier, more confident. She had to find a new husband. Our bank account was running on fumes. She needed money for plastic surgery.” I swallowed. “I told her she wouldn’t need so much surgery if she didn’t run her body into the ground, if she wasn’t putting it through such hard living from the drinking and smoking. I was completely brutal. I told her she was one face lift away from opaque skin. I told her I didn’t even recognize her anymore. I told her to stop relying on men for happiness and money, that she was a horrible role model.” There was no stopping the tears anymore. My face burned as they ran down my cheeks like some kind of acid shame. “In the end, it was my fault she killedherself.”

“I thought she didn’t commit suicide for years. You can’t blame yourself for her actions, any more than I can take responsibility for my father’s heart attack.” Kate shook her headsadly.

Harry had assessed the situation and run to grab me tissues from the other side of the room. He pulled a few from the box and began to pat my face. “Kate’s right. She was supposed to be the parent,notyou.”

I grabbed a tissue and swiped at my nose. “One would think, right?” I shook my head. “She held on for a few more years. She was in and out of rehab. She pawned everything she could carry in order to have more surgery and fuel her addiction. By then, she needed pills to get up and pills to sleep. She drank cocktails in between. I’m rather shocked she didn’t have an accidental overdose.” I paused to blow my nose and toss the dirty tissue in the waste basket. “The night before I found her, we had one last fight. See, I finally brought a guy home from college, my first boyfriend. We hadn’t even slept together yet.” I rubbed my temples. My head was already throbbing. “I found my mother in bed with him. He was asleep, never knew she’d climbed in, but I overreacted. I dumped him. I called her pathetic. Then Iranoff.”

My face felt like it was six shades of red, but I had to press on. I was nearly finished. “When I returned, he was gone and she was dead. Before she killed herself, she wrote me a really long venomous letter. She explained how her death was my fault, how I’d been so cruel about the plastic surgery, how I didn’t understand she was nothing without a man, and mostly how she didn’t want to embarrass me anymore.” I’d barely finished speaking when Harry asked the firstquestion.

“How’d she die?” His browfurrowed.

“The coroner’s report showed she’d taken a handful of sleeping pills.” Ifrowned.

“With alcohol or something else?” He pressed me foranswers.

“Water. All the alcohol in her system had been absorbed into her bloodstream. What does it matter? It’s my fault.” I choked back a sob. “I’ve had to live with that eversince.”

Harry shook his head. “I don’t think she meant to kill herself. I think she meant to make you feel badly to absolve her guilt. And in that she succeeded. You’ve been punishing yourself eversince.”

I froze. “What makes youthinkso?”

“A long letter? Water instead of alcohol? A handful and not a bottle of pills?” He frowned. “This has all the markings of a masterful manipulation gone horribly wrong. She expected you to find her in time tosaveher.”

I inhaled sharply. Harry was right. I’d let my mother ruin my life. When I was a child, I didn’t have a choice, but these adult years were mine to own. I didn’t know what to sayordo.

Then there was a knock on the door. Kate hopped to her feet. “I’m guessing dessert. I’ll take careofit.”

Harry and I sat there staring at each other. “I’m glad you shared that with me, Laney. I want to understand you. I want to knoweverything.”

I chewed on my cheek. “And I want to share. I just never thought I’d start with my deepest, darkest secretsfirst.”

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