Page 57 of The Politician

Kendra tilted her head back and released a long breath. She closed her eyes and kept her thoughts from straying into the territory of possibility and fantasy by focusing on all she’d enjoyed about being here. No shitty litter picking. No oiks. She’d been doing real work in support of conservation, with tangible outcomes.

“I know this is going to sound lame, but I tried to contact you.”

“Yeah, it sounds lame. I was told not to go near you, not to contact you. How come that only works one way? How come I’ve had to follow rules, but you don’t?”

Sarah nodded. “I was told not to contact you, and I still wrote to you.” She looked towards her suitcase.

The apology messed with the voice in Kendra’s brain and whispered thoughts of kindness. She held her head in her hand.

“I want you, Kenny. That’s why I’m here.”

Kendra shook her head. “I’ve found something special here, Sarah. Maybe you should look around for a week, find out for yourself what real conservation looks like, and then see what your priorities are. Because I can’t just drop everything and come back into your world and be happy. Not after what happened. I don’t trust you.” She was as wounded by her own words as Sarah appeared.

Sarah bit her lip and released a muffled sound as if recovering from a blow. “I realise trusting me is going to be difficult,” she said.

Kendra huffed. “I gave you my heart, and you ripped it apart in the most backhanded way possible. So, no, trusting you isn’t going to be difficult. Right now, it’s impossible.” She didn’t believe everything she said, and her heart squeezed at the pain she saw cross Sarah’s face, but a small part of her needed Sarah to hurt as much as she had. “You politicians are all the same. You think you can take what you want when you want and not give a fuck about the impact on other people.”

Sarah rubbed her wet eyes and slumped on the bed. “You’re right, I know.” She looked towards Kendra. “But I never stopped loving you, Kenny.”

“Don’t throw those words at me.” Kendra stepped towards Sarah, her jaw clenched, shaking her head. “I was over you,” she said, fully aware of the tense she’d used and not believing the lie for one second. She had moved on from the idea of them being together, but the love she had for Sarah had evidently not got that message clearly enough. She clasped one hand to the centre of her body just below her ribs, and with the other ran her fingers through her hair as if trying to rid herself of the conflict.

Sarah stood and moved towards her. “I never got over you.” She inched closer, and Kendra backed away. “I could never get over you.” She reached for Kendra’s hand.

Kendra pulled back.

“If you want me to go, I’ll leave,” Sarah said, lowering her hand.

Kendra hugged herself and looked away from Sarah’s trembling. “No,” she whispered.

Sarah stared through the window towards the lake. “Will you give me the week? Show me around? Talk with me?”

Kendra resisted the biting urge to draw Sarah into her arms. “Supper is at eight,” she said and left the hut. She paced the short distance from the water’s edge to the start of the jungle and up the track to the dipterocarp tree that had become her place of calm reflection, but she couldn’t sit down and give mindfulness the attention it needed. Oscillating between the flashes of irritation that flared from the root of her deep adoration for Sarah, she tugged at her hair one minute and hugged herself the next.

She should have asked Sarah to leave and that would have solved the problem. She could’ve closed this chapter of her life and not looked back. But she couldn’t do that because it wasn’t what she wanted. Sarah had tracked her down, and while the frustration of her having done that tried to rile her further, she couldn’t deny the intensity in the desire between them. She kicked at the ground and cursed to herself.

Malee came up the track. “I saw you stomp off. What’s up?”

Kendra huffed out through her nose. “Sarah’s here.”

Malee curled her lip. “What?”

Kendra indicated towards the camp. “She’s here.”

Malee shook her head. “She must have booked under another name, Kenny, or I would have said something to you. Fucking cheek.”

Kendra rubbed at her teary eyes.

“I’ll speak to her, give her a refund, and she can fuck off.”

Kendra shook her head as she paced and kicked the ground, her vision blurring. She pinched her nose to stem the tears. “I don’t want that.”

Malee stopped her and tugged her into her arms. “Christ, Kenny.”

“I know. I tried to convince myself.”

Malee stared at her with an expression that reflected sympathy and concern.

“And I was over her when I couldn’t see her. But this is like being hit by lightning. She tried to contact me, Malee.”

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