Page 46 of The Innocent Carrying His Legacy

A fierce light had begun to glow in her eyes, making him feel a kind of boundless despair. Because of course she wouldn’t go without a fight. Of course she wouldn’t do what he told her. When had she ever done that?

She was going to make things as hard for them both as she possibly could. She was going to fight him every step of the way, which meant if he was going to protect both of them, he would need to be hard as rock. Obdurate as a granite wall. There could be no weakness in him, no vulnerability, none at all.

Then he would have to deal her a death blow to ensure that she never fought him again.

‘So?’ Ivy said, staring at him, small and indomitable in her red robe, the light of battle in her eyes. ‘What about if I did want something? What if I wanted everything?’

Ivy’s heart felt as if it had grown spikes in her chest and they were stabbing into her. Nazir stood in front of her, his powerful body still gleaming with sweat from his workout and then from the intensity of their lovemaking, his features gone hard and impassive as the cliffs outside the villa. His gaze was ice, glittering like a snowfield in the harsh lights of the gym. This was the face of the Commander, cold and implacable, not the hungry desire of the man who’d pushed her to the ground and held her down as he’d taken her rough and hard.

This wasn’t the man who’d lost control, who’d been magnificent in his desire, who’d thrilled her right down to her bones with his need for her. She’d loved every minute of it, gloried in every second of how she’d pushed him right to the edge and then over it.

But she should have known there would be consequences, that he wouldn’t see his loss of control as an acceptance of their intense chemistry, but as a failure in himself. And that she was something he needed to protect himself from, because of course it wasn’t about protecting her and their baby. It was about keeping himself safe.

His set expression didn’t change. ‘Then you’re going to be disappointed, aren’t you? Because there’s nothing I can give you.’

A part of her shivered at the indifference in his voice, and it made her want to retreat into her no-nonsense armour. It made her want to put her chin up, draw her robe around her, and tell him she didn’t care one way or the other. But that felt like a repudiation of the feeling in her heart, the love that beat strong and sure. Love for the baby inside her and for the man in front of her. Love she couldn’t deny or lie about, not any more. Because it was important, too important.

So she didn’t retreat, because at heart she was a warrior and always had been, stepping forward instead, coming close to him, inches away from the hot, gleaming bronze of his body. ‘And if I told you that I’m in love with you? What would you say then?’

A bright flame flickered in his eyes then died, a fire crushed beneath an avalanche of snow. ‘I’m sorry, Ivy. But that won’t make the slightest bit of difference.’

She could feel something in her soul tear, an old wound reopening, a wound that had never fully healed and now never would. But she ignored it. This wasn’t just about her. It was about the baby she carried too, the baby that neededbothparents, not only one.

‘And your child?’ she demanded. ‘What about them?’

The expression on his face became even harder. ‘The child is why it’s even more important that you both live away from me. If you stay I’ll ruin you and I’ll ruin the child too, and that I can’t allow.’

Pain rippled out inside her, but she ignored it, trying to focus on what he was saying. ‘What do you mean you’ll ruin us?’

‘I’m a bastard, Ivy. Evidence of my father’s failure to control himself. Evidence of my mother’s weakness. I ruined their lives by my very existence.’

‘But how is that your fault?’

Fury passed over his granite features, the ice in his eyes shifting a second, allowing her to catch a glimpse of the raw pain that lived beneath the surface. ‘If I’d followed the rules, if I’d stayed in control, things might have been different. I could have helped them be together, not driven them apart. But I didn’t follow the rules and I didn’t stay in control. And in the end, I ensured that they never saw each other again.’

He truly believed that; she could see it in his face. And it made her heart shrivel up in her chest like a flower exposed to frost. ‘No,’ she said hoarsely. ‘You can’t take the blame for what happened. That wasn’t your fault.’

His expression shut down, the pain gone, leaving only a flat expanse of ice. ‘Of course it was my fault. I was the one who lost control of my temper. I was the one who attacked my half-brother. And I was the one who gave away their secret. No one else.’

‘But you—’

‘Which means that for the rest of my life, I need to live according to the principles my father taught me. To have no children. No wife. No family. No emotional ties whatsoever.’

Her eyes prickled with tears, a deep well of hurt for him opening up inside her. ‘That’s not a life, Nazir. That’s just...nothing. And I know, because that’s what I had until you came along.’

‘Then you must be grateful for what you have. You will have our baby and that will surely be enough.’

Her throat closed up, pain like a vice around her heart. ‘But it’s not and it never will be. You child needs you, Nazir.’ She took a breath, then offered up the last piece of her soul. ‘Ineed you.’

Yet he only gave her back the same expressionless stare. ‘A soldier’s job is to protect and defend, and that’s what I’m going to do. Even if what I have to protect you from is myself.’

Anger bloomed suddenly in the depths of her pain, wrapping around her in a cleansing fire. ‘You really think this is about protecting me? Protecting our son?’ Her voice cracked, fury laced through it. ‘No, I don’t accept that. This is about fear. Your fear.’

Finally, heat flickered in his frosty gaze as the barb hit home. ‘I’m not afraid.’

‘Yes, you are,’ she insisted. ‘You’re terrified. Your mother broke your heart and your father broke your will, and now you can’t risk either ever again.’ She took a step towards him, now just bare inches away. ‘Well? Tell me that isn’t true.’

His gaze raked over her, cold, indifferent. ‘My heart I cut out years ago and as for my will, my father didn’t break it. He created it. He taught me how to keep it strong. I forgot his lessons for a time, but I seem to have remembered them now.’

---