Page 45 of The Innocent Carrying His Legacy

‘I’ve decided something,’ he said, keeping his voice very measured. ‘After our marriage, I think you should live here rather than at the fortress.’

She shook her hair back as she adjusted the robe over her shoulders. ‘Oh? Why is that?’

‘It’s quieter, cooler. And the desert is no place for a child.’

She lifted a brow. ‘Won’t that be too far for you to be from your men?’

‘No.’ He paused, holding her gaze. ‘I won’t be living here with you.’

It was the only thing he could do. He had to marry her, had to have his name protecting her and their child, but he couldn’t allow himself to stay near her. She was a vulnerability he couldn’t allow. Already, it was too much, his control falling by the wayside at one touch of her hand. What would it be like having her around constantly? At his side every minute of the day?

Impossible. His self-control would be dust before the week was out.

Ivy frowned. ‘What do you mean you won’t be living here with me?’

‘I’ll live at the fortress where my men are.’

‘But—’

‘That’s my final decision,’ he interrupted, because he wasn’t going to argue with her about it. ‘I have to be where my men are.’

She blinked. ‘Oh. Oh, all right, then I’ll live there, too. The courtyard is lovely and we can always come here for holidays. The baby will be—’

‘No.’ He made the word heavy as an iron bar.

‘No? What do you mean no?’

‘I mean, you and the child will stay here. You’ll live here.’

Surprise moved over her delicate features. Then abruptly her gaze narrowed. ‘Without you, is that what you’re saying?’

He fought the passionate part of himself, turned it to stone, giving her back the commander of armies, not the man. ‘I can’t live with you, Ivy.’

‘What?’ Shock glittered in her eyes. ‘Why ever not?’

You have hurt her.

His chest ached, another reminder of how she was getting to him and how severely his control had been compromised. It shouldn’t matter that he’d hurt her, it really shouldn’t, not when this was better for both of them. Because it would be better for her too, and for their child. That compassion and empathy she’d sensed inside him, that she’d drawn out of him, couldn’t be allowed to exist. It compromised him, made him vulnerable. Made him want things he was never meant to have.

And he didn’t want to be a father like his own, so cold and hard and emotionally barren. Which meant it was better that he not be anywhere near them.

‘Because I’m not going to be the kind of husband you want.’ He had nothing else to give her but honesty. ‘And I’m not going to be the kind of father our child needs either.’

She looked bewildered. ‘I...don’t understand. We’ve been talking for the past week about what our lives are going to look like and how we’d live with you at the fortress and—’

‘I know, but I’ve changed my mind.’ He bit out the words, tasting the bitterness in them. Ignoring it. ‘It’s better for you and for the child to be apart from me.’

She stared at him for a long moment and he could see the hurt glittering in her eyes, a deep and very real hurt that made him ache. ‘Why, Nazir? How is it better for our child not to have his father?’

Ourchild.Hisfather. The words caught at his heart like a hook catching on a rock, tugging at him, tearing at him.

He ignored the sensation, shoving it down with all the rest of the weak, shameful emotions he wasn’t going to permit himself.

Ivy needed more than an absent husband, especially after the childhood she’d had with the endless rejections and the loneliness. She deserved someone who could give her what she really needed, which wasn’t just physical passion, but emotional passion too.

And he couldn’t give her that. He’d never be able to give her that.

‘Because you both will want something from me that I cannot give you,’ he said harshly. ‘And since I don’t want to hurt you or the child, it’s better if I keep my distance.’

---