Page 37 of The Innocent Carrying His Legacy

‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘It is. And it’s been too long since I was here.’

‘Why? Are you too busy?’

His hard mouth curved. ‘That and the fact that I don’t like sitting around doing nothing. This is a retreat and I’m not one for retreats.’

‘What do you do, then? Fight wars with that army of yours?’

His lashes were long and thick, glittering with drops of water, the gleam of his eyes beneath them no less intense. ‘Are you really interested, little fury, or are you simply making conversation?’

She flushed. ‘Perhaps I’m tired of talking about me. And anyway, you said you wanted us to get to know one another.’

‘So I did.’ He moved closer to the waterfall, the gentle rush of it as it fell down the mountain filling the silence. ‘I don’t fight wars with my army. It’s for protection. For example, sometimes governments hire us to protect polling stations for free elections, or hospitals and medical staff in times of unrest, or other parts of vital infrastructure. Sometimes we’re hired by private companies to free people in hostage situations or to protect goods and staff.’ He smiled suddenly, bright and dangerous in the last of the evening light. ‘I pick and choose what contracts we accept, and I don’t allow my men to be used in territorial or border wars. We’re peacekeepers, not killers.’

Interested despite herself, Ivy stroked absently over the slick skin of his shoulders as she studied him. ‘That sounds all very altruistic for a bunch of men trained specifically to kill other men.’

This time his smile held real amusement. ‘You’re sceptical, and I suppose you should be. But my beginning was as a soldier in the palace guard and the purpose of a palace guard is to defend, not to attack.’

Well, she hadn’t known that. ‘Oh, so you wanted a military career? Following in your father’s footsteps?’

‘Yes. There was never any other choice for me. As you know, I was sent to Cambridge for a few years, but apart from that, it was always expected that I would be a soldier.’

She studied him, curious. ‘So why Cambridge?’

The light from the braziers gleamed over his sleek black hair and caught at the glints in his eyes. ‘For a decent education.’ An undercurrent of bitterness tinged the words.

Ivy frowned. ‘Why do I get that feeling that’s not all there was to it?’

‘Because that wasn’t the only reason why I was sent away.’

‘What else was there, then?’

‘My mother.’ He moved closer to the waterfall, the sound of it splashing into the pool musical and soothing. ‘She was the Sultana and she had me in secret. I was brought up by my father. Every so often I was allowed to meet her and my father would take me to her so we could spend time together. She couldn’t be seen to be spending too much time with the Commander’s child, though, or else people would talk. It was never enough. Always, I wanted more.’

His voice was very neutral, but she could detect undercurrents in it, deep and strong. What they meant she wasn’t sure, but she was certain she heard anger. His expression, however, gave her no clue. His features were set in granite lines as per usual.

No, he was angry, she could feel it in him, and she understood why. Because she too had wanted more and never had it. She’d wanted a mother and father, siblings, a family.

He at least had known his parents, unlike her. Then again, had he really had his mother? It was clear he didn’t think so. What was worse? To have had a parent you only saw from afar and interacted with infrequently, or never to have had that parent at all?

She didn’t know. But it made her think of the child growing inside her, of how at least that child would have both a mother and a father in its life. Even if that mother had no idea what she was doing.

He was right to keep you here.

The taut, aching feeling inside her eased, as if giving up a fight, making her lean forward, wrapping her arms around his neck, revelling in the feel of his slick, warm skin against hers.

‘Tell me about the more you wanted,’ she said quietly.

His face was very close, the sunset throwing golden light across the stark planes and angles, his eyes glittering in icy contrast to the warmth of the water and the heat of his body. An intense light burned in them, so fierce her breath caught.

‘I wanted everything.’ The deep sound of his voice vibrated against her. ‘I wanted to be her son openly, proudly. I wanted what she gave my half-brother: her time and attention, her softness and gentleness, her love.’ The light in his eyes turned bright and jagged. ‘But my father was concerned that I was spending too much time with her. It was fine when I was a child, since it was well known that the Sultana loved children and her attention to me could be explained away. But not when I got older. So my father decided it would be better if I went away for a time. That’s why I was sent to Cambridge.’

She’d been right; hewasangry. Ferociously so. And underneath that anger she could hear the longing for the love and attention he’d desperately wanted and never had. She knew all about that kind of longing. She knew it well.

‘You didn’t want to go?’ she asked.

‘No.’ His hands cupped her bottom, holding her against him, his fingers digging into her flesh. ‘But I had no choice. The three years in England gave me time to think, time to obsess over what I didn’t have and what I wanted. My mother loved me and she loved my father, and she was unhappy with the Sultan, and I couldn’t see why she had to stay in a life that made her so miserable. So when I returned to Inaris, I went to see her immediately. I told her that she and my father should leave, that I would help, that we could all get out of the country, be a family together, be happy.’ His gaze iced over. ‘But she refused. She wouldn’t leave her husband and she wouldn’t leave my half-brother. I was furious, ranting and shouting, and the next thing I knew the room was full of soldiers. Fahad, my half-brother, had been listening and had heard everything. He discovered our secret.’

Ivy’s heart caught hard. ‘Oh, Nazir...’

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