Page 53 of Temptation at His Door

Joa jammed her hands into the pockets of her coat and rocked on her heels. She stared at a spot past his shoulder and later, when he remembered this conversation, he’d pinpoint this moment as the start of their downward slide. Before he could form any words, she spoke. “I think I’ve found you a nanny.”

Ronan felt like she’d punched him in the gut. He’d totally forgotten her search for a nanny. “I thought you liked my kids, that you enjoyed looking after them.”

“Ronan, I told you this was temporary. That I didn’t want to be an au pair anymore.”

Well, yeah, she had said that...

“She’s really rather wonderful. She’s a grade school teacher, and the boys really like her. She lives close by...”

He didn’t want another nanny, he wantedher. “I don’t care. I want you to stay.”

Ronan knew, from a place far away, that he was botching this, that he needed to explain, but his feelings were too new, too fragile. He hadn’t had any time to work through his thoughts, to come to terms with the idea that he could be happy again, with someone else, that he could put aside his guilt and start to live again. He needed to do that, he needed time, but he also didn’t want to lose Joa. Because, God, if she left him, left this house, she might get on a plane to Bora-Bora or Brisbane, Taiwan or Tennessee. If she left, he wouldn’t be able to get her back.

“Best thing is, she can start straight away,” Joa said, ignoring his previous comment. “I’ve arranged for her to pop around tonight. You can meet her then.”

“I don’t want her, I want you!” Ronan roared.

His bellow didn’t scare Joa; she just planted her feet and kept her gaze on the wall behind him.

“Will you damn well look at me?” he shouted. He gestured to Thandi’s portrait. “I’m here, she’s not!”

Joa finally wrenched her eyes off Thandi’s portrait. “Of course she is, Ronan. She’s everywhere. In your head, in your house, in everything you do, every decision you make.”

Joa held up her hand and tossed her head, blinking back tears. “It’s okay, Ronan. It really is. I get it. She was the love of your life, the mother of your kids. I can’t compete with that. I don’t want to compete with her.”

Ronan wanted to tell her that he loved them differently—helovedJoa? Jesus, did he? Maybe...

Man, this was all too much, too soon. He felt like he was being emotionally sideswiped from all angles.

“Let’s not make this more difficult and emotional than it needs to be, Ro. Let’s keep this simple, okay?”

Simple sounded good. It really did. Simple was him living his life as a widower, alone. Raising his boys, working, his life uncomplicated by a silver-eyed goddess who made his blood sing. He liked simple. Simple made sense.

But simple was also boring, unimaginative, lonely...

“I know that Tanna is taking the boys to spend the weekend at the Lockwood estate. They’ve been invited to Darby’s stepdaughter’s birthday party.”

Ronan rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers, trying to think. Yeah, that sounded right. God, he was so tired. He felt like he could sleep for a week...

He’d forgotten how exhausting emotions could be.

Joa pushed her hands into the pockets of her coat. “I’ve booked a flight to go to Miami, to spend the weekend with Keely. There’s so much we need to discuss with regard to the foundation, including a very impressive résumé we received today. The applicant might be perfect for the CEO job.”

No, that job was Joa’s. Nobody was better suited to running Isabel’s foundation than the resilient, amazing girl-turned-woman whom Isabel had rescued all those years ago. Ronan wanted to tell her that, insist that she fight for the job, but he couldn’t form the words because there were so many others on his tongue.

Don’t go.

Don’t leave.

I think I’m falling in love with you...

Joa sucked in a breath, emotions he couldn’t identify tumbling through her eyes and across her face. “Interview Abigail tonight and if you like her, why don’t we all go out to dinner on Sunday night? You, the kids, Abigail and me. We can tell them that Abigail will be their new nanny. And I can say goodbye.”

The thought of her leaving them—him—forced his brain to kick into gear and form some words. “You’re leaving? Where are you going?”

Joa shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I’ll see. But I think it’s best if I leave Boston, put some distance between me and my memories of Iz.”

Put some distance between you and me. Ronan heard the words as clearly as if she’d spoken them.

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