Page 55 of Temptation at His Door

“You want her to be wonderful so you can leave Boston, the foundation, me,” Keely stated, her voice holding an edge that Joa had seldom heard before.

“You left out Ronan and his boys and Mounton House and Boston and Isabel’s memory,” Joa quipped. When Keely’s eyes turned stormy, Joa realized Keely didn’t appreciate her flippancy. But Joa had to pretend everything was fine, because if she didn’t, she’d curl up in a ball and sob.

“Oh, we’ll get to Ronan in a minute,” Keely crisply told her. She leaned forward and nailed Joa with a sit-there-and-listen stare. “When are you going to stop running, Joa?”

Wow. That was unfair. “I am not running. And how did we get onto this subject? We were talking about the CEO position.”

“A position that you want, that you would be so good at!” Keely’s voice rose.

“I’m not qualified, Keely.”

Keely threw up her hands in frustration. “Oh, sure, you couldn’t possibly acquire some new skills. You don’t have a brain in your head, and youonlyhave a master’s degree in psychology. Yeah, you couldn’tpossiblylearn anything new. And we couldn’t possibly afford to pay for any advice we might need.”

Wow, while she was gone Keely had become very proficient in sarcasm.

“Uh...you’d support me running the foundation?”

Keely overexaggerated her eye roll. “Argh! Yes! You have passion and empathy and you get what Isabel was trying to do. I kept an eye on the foundation while you were away because someone had to, but it’s not what I want to do. You, however, just jumped in feetfirst.”

She had. And itwasher dream job, her connection to Iz, to her past. But if she chose to take the job, and it seemed like it was hers if she wanted it, she’d have to stay in Boston.

Staying in Boston would mean she would, occasionally, run into Ronan, as she explained to Keely. That meant being around someone, three someones, she couldn’t have.

“And why can’t you have a relationship with him and the boys?” Keely asked. “Any fool can see you two have a connection.”

“He’s still in love with his wife,” Joa muttered.

Keely held up her index finger and pointed it at Joa. “Oh no, you can’t blame all of this on him. You have your issues, too.”

“Which are?”

“You’re terrified to be all in with someone.”

“Can you blame me since I was hurt every time I left a family?”

“It couldn’t have hurt that much,” Keely retorted, “or else you would’ve stopped au pairing a long time ago. But you didn’t leave until you were asked to leave because you felt safe there. You could love your boss from afar, pretend you were part of his family, act out your happy-family fantasies because there was no chance of anything happening, no risk to you. Because a real family comes with thepotentialof heartache, with the potential of someone leaving you, someone not loving you. Pretending is so much easier, so much safer than actually living.”

Joa stared at Keely, her mouth opening and closing, feeling hot, then cold. She wanted to argue, to tell Keely she was talking nonsense, but Joa couldn’t. She’d never consideredwhyshe fell for unavailable men.

Her sister was right. Joa had been trying to protect herself, to put a barrier between her and any potential loss.

Ronan had started to say something about wanting her to stay, but because she was scared, because that conversation felt too real, too scary, she’d tossed Thandi in his face and made his dead wife the barrier between them.

Maybe Ronan did still love Thandi, maybe he wasn’t ready to move on with Joa or anyone else, but she didn’t know for sure because she hadn’t given him a chance to explain.

She had just run out of there because what she felt for him was so damn tangible. Tangible meant scary. And she hated feeling scared, vulnerable, like she was fourteen again, and alone.

Joa didn’t realize that tears were running down her face until Keely touched them with her fingertips, wiping them away. “I’m not telling you that he loves you, Ju. I don’t know if he does or doesn’t. But he hasn’t looked at anyone else in three years the way he looks at you. I haven’t seen him this happy for the longest time. I haven’t seen you glow like this for years and years. There’s something there and you owe it to yourselves to explore it, to see where it goes.”

Joa placed her elbows on her thighs and her hands on her head. “I hear you, Keely, I do. And I know that I run away to keep myself safe. But she’s still such a big part of his life...”

“She’s the mother of his kids, babe. She’ll always have a special place in his heart.” Keely pulled a face. “And maybe he’ll never be able to love you the way you need him to, but you can’t run without giving him the chance, or at the very least, without talking to him about the way you feel.”

Joa’s heart bounced off her chest. “Are you saying I should tell him that I love him?”

“If that’s how you feel,” Keely replied. “He might, or might not, love you back. But that’s his choice. Your choice is to tell him how you feel. It’s also your choice to take the job you love and not let him, or the way you feel about him, influence your career.”

“Ooh, ouch. The punches keep coming.”

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