That was what amazed him the most: Ella had gone through so much and she’d done it without parents, siblings or a support structure. He was in awe of her strength and capability. The last thing she was broken.
And, yes, he was over-protective of her—admittedly, he’d overreacted about her going to Cathcart House alone. But it was because he wanted her to know that she had someone on her side, someone who was prepared to go to war for her. He’d been trying to show her that she didn’t have to be alone, that he’d always protect and cherish her, that he wanted to be the one she turned to when her life felt off-kilter.
Micah saw Jago walk past his open office door and frowned, recalling that Ella had said something about Jago last night. Amid everything else she’d lobbed at his head, he’d forgotten that detail. What had she said?
Something about Brianna...that when his life fell apart, he turned to Jago and not to her.
He did, that was true. He and Jago had shared a womb, and had been each other’s comfort and strength during their volatile childhood. His brother was his best friend and Jago had known Brianna—she’d been a part of both their childhoods—so it was natural for Micah to want to talk to Jago about Kate’s visit, about Brianna...
Confiding in Jago was also a habit.
The woman he loved and trusted, whose opinion he respected, had stood in front of him and, instead of talking to her about his awful day, he’d gone into ‘fix it’ mode to make him feel that he had control of something. Nothing could ever happen to Ella, so his protective instinct had risen and taken over.
And, when he’d seen Jago, he said that he’d explain Kate’s visit to him. He’d made it sound as if he’d had no intention of talking to Ella. But he had—he’d wanted to tell her everything.
Still did.
Micah recalled the pain in her eyes and gripped the bridge of his nose. He’d hurt her, something he’d promised himself he’d never do—not her or any other woman. God, he...He’d messed up.
His private mobile phone rang and he snatched it up. ‘Ella? Where are you?’
‘Sorry, it’s just me,’ Thadie replied. ‘You know, your sister? The one who’s entertaining the country with her wedding disaster woes?’
Look, he loved Thadie, but on this occasion he needed to put Ella first. ‘Sorry, Thads, I know you’re going through hell, but I need to find Ella...’
Thadie was silent for a couple of beats. ‘I was phoningyouto find her. We were supposed to meet her at Cathcart House this morning—she sent me a message last night—but she’s not here. She did email us a detailed proposal of why she thinks the house will work for the wedding, though—and, Micah, it’s fabulous. It’s everything I want! Anna is so impressed with Ella, she wants to know if she’ll consult on other weddings, but I can’t reach her.’
Ella had done as he’d asked—found him a venue and made his sister incredibly happy. God, he loved her.
‘Why can’tyouget hold of Ella, Micah?’ Thadie demanded. ‘What did you do?’
‘I messed up,’ Micah confessed, a cold hand squeezing his heart.
‘Well, Anna and I need her help with this wedding and you, brother, need her in your life. She makes you happy, Micah—and, God, you need some happy!’
He’d already come to that conclusion. ‘I do,’ he agreed.
‘Then why the hell aren’t you trying to get her back?’
Good question, Micah thought. Sitting behind his desk doing nothing wouldn’t make her stroll back into his life. She was the air he breathed, the reason his sun rose, the beat of his heart...all those clichés that were clichés because they were so damned powerful and true.
She was what he needed. Now, later, tomorrow, sixty years from now.
His world would, if she left him, stop turning. It was that simple and that dramatic.
He was good at fixing things but this would be the biggest repair job of his life. He hoped he was up to it.
Ella sat cross-legged on her couch, her laptop resting on her thighs, listlessly searching for a flight to London. She’d been crying off and on for nearly twenty-four hours and didn’t think she’d stop any time soon. She’d run out of tissues and had moved on to toilet paper to mop her eyes and blow her nose, and she was down to her last roll.
But the thought of leaving her flat was too much to contemplate, so when she ran out of loo roll she’d move onto kitchen towel. Anything was better than leaving her flat...
Another thing she couldn’t do was to make a booking for her flight. Her credit card sat on the cushion next to her, but she couldn’t choose a date or a time...she wasn’t able to punch in the numbers, make the commitment.
She didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to leave Johannesburg...she didn’t want to leave Micah. She wanted a life with him, to be his lover and his partner, to navigate life with him. But she needed to be an equal partner, able to give as well as receive. And, while she didn’t want to come between him and his twin, she wanted to be the person he turned to first, his best friend and confidante. She also wanted them to be a team, facing the world together, a couple with equal stakes in the relationship.
Micah could pretend that they were not in a relationship, but from the moment they admitted their attraction they’d started the slide down that particular hill. They were not having a fling, an affair, or a three-week stand. He might not be in love with her but she did mean something—possibly quite a lot—to him. But, judging by his silence—she hadn’t heard from him since she’d left his office yesterday—she didn’t mean enough.
And, if she couldn’t have everything, she’d rather walk away. She couldn’t force him to be with her. Love that was coerced was just another strategy in the game of power and control. She was done with that nonsense.