Page 47 of Captivating Nights

Chapter 33

CALI WAS ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED by the time she’d made it back to her apartment. In no mood to unpack her things, she’d dropped the suitcases as soon as she’d stepped past the front door and headed straight toward the small wine fridge in her kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of her favorite red, knowing that she not only felt like shit, but looked like it too. At this point, she’d decided that adding intoxicated to jet-lagged and heartbroken wouldn’t make that big of a difference. Opting to bypass a glass, she took the bottle and a corkscrew straight to the sofa, uncorked the wine, and swallowed the liquid until she hiccupped.

“Why’d you do this to me?” she voiced the question aloud, knowing she’d never get an answer. She unwittingly began to wonder what Xavier and Zane were doing. How did they feel? Were they angry? Did they even care she was gone? Each time their faces crossed her mind, Cali forced herself to take another swig of wine.

“Bastards! I fucking hate you both!” The lie continued to get easier the more times she repeated it and before long, half the bottle was gone, but she continued to curse and drink. A true lightweight when it came to alcohol consumption, it didn’t take her that long to eventually pass out.

A few hours later, Cali awoke to half of her body hanging precariously off the couch. Her head ached, but it was nothing compared to the throbbing pain in her heart. Get over it.

Life would go on for her as it had for countless others who found themselves in this same position. After berating herself one last time, she finally collected her suitcases from the door, rolling them down the hallway and separating the clothing into piles in front of the laundry closet. There was no time like the present to get back to some semblance of normalcy. As the washer filled, she headed back to her room with the remaining luggage, intending to unpack it while that first load completed. Most of the shoes she’d packed were flip-flops, which she threw into the netted bag hanging off a hook in her closet. Her sandals, heels, and tennis shoes made it back in their respective boxes, stacked neatly in her closet. In no time, she had one bag emptied and went to take care of her toiletries.

Her phone began to ring and she pulled it out of her pocket, hoping that it wasn’t either Xavier or Zane. When she glanced at the caller ID, she noticed it was one of her best friends instead.

“Sorry, Natalie. I can’t do this right now.” Turning the ringer to off, she tossed the phone on her bed and headed to the bathroom. Cali still had no idea what she was going to tell them about her trip. Just thinking about their barrage of questions made her head throb even more.

Wanting to get everything unpacked, she put her personal items back in their places and was only left with finding a spot for the souvenirs that she had picked up during the few excursions. Tracing her fingers over each memento, all she had to do was close her eyes to be transported back there. Cali didn’t dwell on those memories for long, however, because most of those memories included one, if not both, men. The sooner she could forget about Xavier and Zane, the sooner she could move on with her life. Putting the last of the items away, she started the next load of clothes and returned to her room.

With the laundry in process, Cali looked at her bed. This would be the first time in weeks that she’d sleep in her own room. Rest was exactly what she needed. Finally, she stripped out of her clothes and caught herself just as she’d started to fold up the items much like she did when presenting herself to the Dominants. It’d become a force of habit. Needing to renounce that part of herself, she purposely wadded up the garments and pitched them against the wall. They could sit in a wad on the floor for all she gave a damn.

The two weeks spent with Zane and Xavier had confirmed one important thing. Cali now knew that she was submissive. “It was the only truthful thing that either of you ever told me.”

Sitting down on her bed, she still couldn’t believe that she was like the characters in her books. Maybe that was why she’d written so many BDSM novels. It had to have been her subconscious trying to point out something to her that she was too blind to see for herself. By accepting the truth, maybe she’d eventually be able to find someone worthy of her gift of submission, who could mold her into whatever type of woman she was destined to be.

She scrunched her nose up at that. Now that she was back home, she’d revert back to the same person she was before she left. Cali wanted to be more outgoing…confident…but the truth was she didn’t feel that way about herself. It was so much easier to live vicariously through her friends, real and imaginary, than it was to put herself out there. She’d tried to do that back in Virgin Gorda and had gotten burned, literally, by Xavier and Zane.

Elena and Raquel. The names sounded so exotic and she was sure they were beautiful women, and ones who didn’t deserve to be cheated on. “I’d been the other woman and never even knew it.”

Burying her face in her hands, Cali shook her head vehemently. No, she would’ve only been the mistress if she’d continued to see Xavier and Zane after finding out about them. Knowing that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Sitting down on her bed, she tried to think about these women, imagining what they looked like. Elena. The name alone made her think of a Greek goddess. It made perfect sense the more she thought about it. It wasn’t hard to picture a female, one with high cheekbones and a flawless complexion. She’d also have long, flowing blond hair, maybe even the same hue as her boyfriend’s. And Raquel. She’d have to be a Spanish beauty, tall with olive-toned skin and hair the color of rich chocolate. She’d be the perfect companion for the other Dominant. Both women would be submissive, and perhaps the men would even share the women with each other.

Shaking her head, Cali knew the possibility of that was slim. Maybe that was why they’d approached her. Tears formed once more in her eyes as she wondered what their true first impression of her really was. They must have seen her and assumed she’d be so grateful for their attention that she’d do anything they wanted of her, even things their own girlfriends wouldn’t do. And she had. Their presences alone overwhelmed her, and when they both set out to seduce her, she’d been only too willing to allow them to do so. And afterward, she should’ve run as far and as fast as she could away from them.

“We want to give you the type of fantasy you’ve only ever dreamed about,” Zane had told her.

“Fantasy,” she scoffed aloud, and then realized that she couldn’t deny the fact that they’d fulfilled that promise. Granted, they didn’t give her every one that she’d ever dreamed of, but they’d given her enough. Unfortunately, it was the one they didn’t fulfill that she’d wanted the most.

Glancing at the clock beside her bed, she wondered whether they’d found the note she’d hastily scribbled on the way out of her room the night before. She wouldn’t have been surprised if they had, and after a good laugh at her expense, dismissed her altogether.

Cali then remembered Zane and Xavier telling her that they wanted to talk to her about something important. While she was curious as to what it could’ve been, it wasn’t hard to form a conclusion. They’d enjoyed her doing everything they wanted, when they wanted, so it was a natural assumption that they’d want her to make herself available to their depraved sexual needs whenever they wanted. While Elena and Raquel would get to walk side by side with them, she’d be their dirty little secret.

Wiping away the tears, she felt even better about leaving. There was no way she’d ever agree to that, but then again, they’d managed to talk her into other things she would’ve never thought about doing either. Cali might’ve left the island with a broken heart, but at least she had her dignity intact. Her self-respect was all that mattered at this point. Right?

She heard the beeping sound coming from the washing machine and stood back up. She threw a long shirt on and then walked back out into the hallway. After transferring that load to the dryer, she put the last of the clothes and restarted the machine. It’d be a while before either one was finished, so she walked back out into her living room. A twinge of nausea rose up inside her at the sight of the wine bottle, so she put it back in the refrigerator and then grabbed one of her novels off the bookcase in the corner. All of her books had a happily ever after, which only reconfirmed the differences between real life and fiction. Right now, her world sucked in the worst way, so she’d lose herself in another. As she opened to the first page, the words “in the beginning” were formatted in such an elegant design.

She traced them with her fingers and started to read. By the time the next load of laundry was finished, she’d gotten halfway through the book. She decided to let the clothes sit as she finished the rest of the book, sighing as she read her heroine’s happily ever after.

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