Page 47 of Scandalously Yours

“There is no romance,” I tried to explain. “I simply liked him, but now I don’t.”

“Hmmm,” my grandmother added. “Why can’t there be an office romance? You know, we used to watch that hospital soap opera and those people did it all the—”

“This isn’t General Hospital, and there is no romance. We’re peers and nothing more. Now, if you don’t mind, I would like to go sit with Grandpa.”

“Fine,” my mother responded right away. “You’re not very good company right now, anyway.”

Tell me something I didn’t know. I was relieved to not only hear that they would let me go sit with him instead of being dragged around from one department store to another, but that my mother was pulling down the road that would take me where I wanted to go.

They tried to ask me more about Kristopher, but I didn’t divulge anything else. By the time we reached the trailer where my grandparents lived, I was never more relieved to see a place as I was then. I was also even more upset as the mere thought of Kristopher had my heart breaking even more.

When the car came to a stop, I jumped out and rushed inside. I had so much on my heart and my mind, and I wearily made my way into the living room, hoping my grandfather would make me forget about it all. If I could trade places with him right now and lose all the memories that I created with Kristopher, then I would. In a heartbeat.

I walked into the living room where my grandfather was fast asleep on the recliner. The blanket hung haphazardly off of him, and I stared down at the man in front of me, barely recognizing him from the man I had always known him to be. I should’ve been crying over him, and not Kristopher, but in that moment as the tears started to roll down my cheeks, I realized I was crying some over the both of them.

I swiped angrily at my cheeks. I was mad at the universe for inflicting this terrible disease upon the strongest man I had ever known, and for dangling the promise of love in front of my face only to snatch it away at the last minute. No matter how many I tried to wipe away, two more fell in their place. I had been numb since leaving Manhattan, but now the flood gates seemed ready to erupt from inside of me like a volcano spewing ash and ember. The only difference was that the only one who would be destroyed in its wake would be me.

“I wish we could have one of our talks right now, Grandpa,” I murmured wistfully as I glanced over at the sleeping man. “I need to talk to someone, but there is no one who would understand and not pass judgment.”

If he was his old self, my grandfather would drive right up to New York City and kick Kristopher’s ass for ever making me cry. It was my own fault really, but it wouldn’t matter. He would be disappointed in me for getting mixed up in Kristopher’s drama with Hayley, but he would also understand, and still love me afterward.

The longer I stood there, the more I felt the pressure to get this all off of my chest. I could very easily talk about things while he slept, and in the off chance he happened to wake up during it, he wouldn’t remember what I said, anyway. Leave it to me to find a bright spot in something as devastating as Alzheimer’s. I always tried to find good in the bad, and maybe that was why I had subjected myself to everything I had with Kris to begin with.

“I remember when you would tell me what you saw in my future. You always encouraged me to follow my dreams, so you naturally saw me as a doctor. You also would encourage me to follow ones that I didn’t have. You’d never be happy that I shut down after things didn’t work out with Aiden. You would’ve pushed me to go back out there and find love.”

“You spend too much time in your books, Ale. You need to live a little before all of life’s riches pass you by,” was something he used to tell me when I would turn down party invites and other social events to stay home and study.

“I remember your lectures so clearly, and I actually went out and listened to you. I enrolled in this medical convention, and I met the most dashing man there. He was so kind, considerate, and cute that I’d often pinch myself to prove he was real. He swept me off of my feet, even though there were so many red flags present.”

Knowing he was merely separated instead of divorced was one of those things, and finding out he was also my boss was another. I was always hardheaded. I guess that was the tomboy in me. I would spend hours climbing trees, jumping ditches, and riding bicycles, even though I often crashed more than I rode when I was younger.

“She’s so hardheaded. One of these days, she might knock the sense back into her skull,” my father would say, but my grandfather would come to my rescue.

“She’s a smart cookie.”

“I wish I felt like one now,” I said out loud. “Instead, I feel like such an idiot. How could I possibly have ever thought this would end well?”

I started to pace back and forth in front of the window. While I was in Providence right now, soon I would have to return to work. Once there, I would be face to face with a man I still loved, yet couldn’t have. The last time I had seen him had been in those halls, and color flooded my cheeks as I recalled exactly what we had done. I’d been beside myself with worry over him, and instead of freaking out like I had, Kristopher had taken control of the situation and given us what we both needed. It was more than sex, though. What he provided was a distraction from the situation, as well as a promise that things would get better. They might’ve been a pain in the ass at the moment, but it would soon lead to pleasure, which it did. Literally.

I let out a frustrated sigh. Kristopher had then wanted me to provide a distraction for him, and I tried so hard to do so, but in the end, I wasn’t cut out to be the other woman, even if in name only. I had his heart. That I believed whole-heartedly, but it wasn’t enough.

“I need more than he can give me, Grandpa. Every part of me was given to him, but I couldn’t have everything he was in return. I thought I could, but I was wrong. I’m such a fucking fool!”

I turned back to the window. The tears continued to stream down my cheeks, each one leaving a scalding drop of heat in its wake. Love made you weak. I’d always heard it, but never had thought it was true until now. I braced myself against the window sill as my heart continued to twist in my chest. I had never known love would hurt so damn bad. It was the worst kind of pain I had ever had.

“You’re not a fool, Ale,” came a voice from behind me.

It couldn’t be. Something other than anguish swelled in my chest as I slowly turned, not daring to get my hopes up in case I had been hallucinating. When my eyes moved to the man in the chair, it was like looking into a face I hadn’t seen in so long. “Grandpa,” I breathed.

He pointed to the couch beside his chair, and I quickly moved to sit down. More tears sprung to my eyes, but for a good reason this time. It wasn’t unusual for someone suffering from any form of dementia to occasionally recall old memories, and for the first time in years, I knew he remembered me. It wouldn’t last forever, but this had been just what I needed right now. If it hadn’t been for fear of hurting him, I would’ve launched myself off the couch, and into his arms.

“The fool is this man you speak of, Ale.”

I choked back a laugh as I continued to stare at him. “We both are if you want to know the truth.”

“Kids,” he said, shaking his head ruefully. “I heard most of what you were saying, but I want you to start from the beginning.”

I knew this moment of lucidity wouldn’t last forever, so I skipped all the unnecessary stuff, and basically told him about meeting Kristopher in the Bahamas. I needed to get this all out, so I didn’t even try to hide what I had done, and with whom. Everything from his being my boss, to being legally separated came out. I, of course, left out the sex stuff, but I finished off with my breaking things off with him after his ex accused him of something so heinous.

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